Would you tell the in-laws?

homeschool

Long story short: I threw a Bday party for my newly faded hubby a few weeks ago. Well, one of the guests ran into hubby's jw father & said "Yeah, it was great to hang out with ___________ @ his birthday party the other day!" (to which the jw father later told us he acted totally cool and went along with it but was like inside). But then he approached us a few days later and said, "whatever you guys do is your business. But it'd be great if you could think about what you do. And maybe just call it a "happy Monday" party instead. You wouldn't want that info to get into the wrong hands." I wasn't angry with my father-in-law, but kinda pissed at the situation. NO, i will NOT call it a "HAPPY Monday" party! I keep contemplating discussing my feelings about the Borg with my in-laws & just coming out and saying that our future children WILL get birthday cupcakes in their classroom when the time comes. They already know that I don't practice the jw lifestyle, but I dont think they realize the extent that I DO go (Xmas/Bdays)....

Hubby says just to do what I wanna do and deal with their reactions when the time comes. I feel like I just want to get it over with and tell them (99% positive they wouldnt turn us into the elders). It kinda feels like a weight on my shoulders and thinking of those future "happy" times kinda leaves me with a pit in my stomach knowing certain people in his family are going to FREAK OUT.

What would YOU do?

cognac

I think they are very understanding for JWs!!! I would have been thrown into a jc in a second! Anyways, I think he probably has doubts himself if he didnt turn your hubby in. If you do say anything, I'd do so calmly...

Gayle

No need to tell in-laws,, Just move on with your children, your future,,the in-laws have made their lives and choices..sounds like they realize you've moved on,,going to do your life,,since they are still talking with you, that's as fine as can be.

leftbelow

I have to say I would give my right arm to have family that would overlook a B-day party in anyway shape or form.

carla

Happy Monday? is there really such a thing as a happy monday? good grief what's next? They already have non Thanksgiving turkey's, non Christmas Christmas dinners and so forth. So he will be happy if it is just called something else? You can't do anything about their reaction but you can plan how you will react to their reaction. Good luck! errr, hmm, can't say best wishes either can I? not very theocratic sounding. hang tough?

I hope your kids do get the cupcakes but around here many classes do not allow cupcakes anymore! Political correctness has run amok and the fat police don't want children to have them anymore. The 'everyone should be equal police' are not allowing pencils, stamps, or any other sort of trinket to be given out either as some may be too poor to buy them at their birthday. I imagine a nice hearty bottle of water may be allowed, err, scratch that too, the environmentalist don't like the plastic.... hmm, there must be something...... yeah, yeah, a nice tray of fruit is always nice right? maybe for adults but bring one in to a class of 2ond or 3rd graders and watch the flies collect, their mom's make them eat fruit at home now they gotta eat it at school for a birthday treat??!

rockmehardplace

do you have any cake left? i like cake. (and it is not pagan if you eat it the day after the party)

rockmehardplace

btw - the pagan part was a joke. the leftover cake part - i was serious.

I quit!

Your husband's father was acting like most jws act when when an issue like this comes out in front of an outsider. They know how stupid it would look to inform the outsider that you shouldn't be having birthday parties and could now be kicked out of the religion and considered an apostate worthy of death. He probably doesn't believe it himself but just goes along with it because that is what a lot of jws do rather than take a stand and get in trouble themselves. Right now it looks like he is willing to look the other way but that can change at anytime. At some point he may feel guilty about knowing of your "bad behavior" and not saying something or there may be a talk on "keeping the congregation clean" that inspires him to rat you out so be aware that the situation can explode at anytime. Even if he doesn't turn you in if you are doing birthdays and Christmas and other holidays it is only a matter of time before you are found out. I personally can not see why anyone wants to spend their life sneaking around pretending to be something they're not. Life is too short for that. Once you start doing that it is becomes harder and harder to stop. In my case I felt like I had wasted enough time being a JW and I wasn't going waste the rest of my life pretending to be one to keep the peace.

homeschool

You can't do anything about their reaction but you can plan how you will react to their reaction. Good luck! errr, hmm, can't say best wishes either can I? not very theocratic sounding. hang tough? lol

Thank you for those wise words of wisdom, I appreciate that....and to the others who commented. Keep 'em coming please! I may have failed to mention that the father-in-law is very gracious and forgiving, but there are jw siblings that are VERY JW & would not even slightly be okay with it & would wreak havoc.

To "I QUIT"....I totally see your reasoning & am leaning towards that philosophy.

Cupcakes arent allowed anymore???? Darn it! Well, I guess I'll just send in enough fat free, double skim, extra decaf lattes with soy milk

jamiebowers

You and your husband are adults and have no need to explain anything to his parents or anyone else, for that matter Live your lives, and simply refuse to answer to anyone except each other for your actions...and that includes the elders.

Would you tell the in-laws?

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