Do you have what it takes to be a Troll, a Fundie or Creationist? Are you ready to make a change in the ex-JW world and enlighten the masses and put fear into the hearts of your enemies?
Maybe your assumption was that on the Internet, anyone with half a brain could go to online discussion boards like this one and do their business. We’ll I found out it’s not really that simple. You see there are special requirements for being in one of these categories, and like my father always told me, “Skip if you are going to do anything at all, you might as well do a good job of it.” So, I thought I would take a moment to share a few things I picked up here and there.
Perhaps a good place to start is with the psychology of successful Trolls, Fundies, and Creationists. Typically they are a street-corner philosopher, who travels around in the online world, seeking people who are dumber than they are, and explaining to all the people on those sites why the locals are so dumb. They don’t let their lack of understanding prevent them from dispensing their own special wisdom though. Further, they must spend most of their waking hours chasing and annoying intelligent people on the sites they visit and perhaps they absorb one percent of one percent of what is said to them and that is how they gain so much of their wisdom. That they don’t have the ability to distinguish between feeling and thinking is foregone. They must merge the two and assume everyone else on the sites they visit does so as well. They have to post fast and furious, and most of what they present is in the form of absolutism…that they are 100% right and this is divine instruction. Their train of thought must be similar to that of a puppy chasing, and trying to bite a fly.
Now that you know the strict requirements, you should know where these people come from. These are people who like to live on the cusp. If you didn’t know already, a cusp is the dividing line between two very different things. In our case, the cusp is the place between the JW world and the EX-JW world. They are stuck in the middle. They can never be good and conventional dubs. Such dubs are not even allowed on sites like this. They are not really ex-dubs both because they are still infested with the Jehovah meme and it won’t let go. They are stuck in the middle.
I don’t wish to single out any examples of these special people on our board. Unless you have had way too many beers to drink, they are pretty easy to spot and there is no need of me enlightening you further. In fact, the most distracting, and repetitious themes and flame wars are typically their doings. Even when you don’t read their posts, you can see from a distance they are talking.
The experienced Troll, fondler, and creationist soon lay claim to many discussion boards as spoils of their efforts. It is an uphill battle to fight with the board owners and moderators, but they can always decry censorship, the freedom of speech and expression, and point fingers at unfair treatment. They then wander around these conquered areas online with the cyber equivalent of grenade launchers, thermal imaging apparatus and dressed in spiritual battle camouflage. Even though they spout utter bullshit, the effort to clean out the infestation of them doesn’t appeal to the rational mind and the normal person would love nothing more that to machine-gun all these pests to justify the demise of their once favorite online watering hole.
Another important tool of this discipline is the need to rely upon a spiritual gun…the Bible. If a Fundie, Creationist, or Troll doesn’t have a Bible, they are already dead meat. Look through their posts and you will see the answer is always yes, carry the big stick. This of course appeals to the lowest possible type of intellect. My best advice for people aspiring then for these difficult occupations is to draw their sense of life from televangelists and other radical preachers so they can make sure they can always disturb people who think.
Now, I think everyone has something to learn from others and these occupational groups are no exceptions to the vanilla cyber world. Let’s face it, I have learned a lot from them myself. They are really geniuses that are expert in hurting people and making others feel like shit. They know how to use propaganda techniques like pros and everyone should learn those tricks as well. Best of all, my experience in looking at all the posts started by these three groups of characters has shown me something really important…
If there was a God, and these people represent him…that God is sure a dumb piece of shit. I wouldn’t even want to live in the same neighborhood with people like this in real life if they acted this way, let alone consider anything their God had to say to be something I would be interested in.
The spirit and bravery of the masses is the big enemy of this occupational class. It must be broken down by repeated attacks of the enemy and allow the well-deserved reign of theocratic totalitarianisms shine through.
Summing It Up
This post is far from exhaustive and I know that. It is impossible to put all the experience and requirements it takes to be one of these people into an article, or even into a book. My goal has been, as it often is, to put the flavor and ambiance of their lifestyle into words that may reach across to the reader.
What have I left out? Enough to fill an encyclopedia!
This post is not meant to be a Blue Print on how to be a disgusting pest, it is only meant to offer some information that is not readily available anywhere else, and to point out some mindless and dangerous discrepancies that are currently being pandered as professional knowledge on creationists, trolls, and fundamentalists. Professional knowledge on this subject is seldom dispensed by those who are not enjoying this occupation, and never dispensed by those who are.
So if this is your calling, and you decide you want to keep posting on JW.Com, I may be somewhere else. ...then again, I may be there, watching if you are up to the task.
Skipper