Living in sin

vikesgirl101

So I have been seeing this great "worldly" guy for about 8 months. He has been married twice, and I have been married once for 13 years. We both had bad marital experiences. Anyways, he wants me and my kids to just MOVE IN. I rented a townhome for a year first. I think I am buying my time. I want to KNOW that I am making the right choice. I have eight months left on my lease.

The problem is that he never talks about getting married. Granted, I am a little gunshy myslef. Really, living together would be ideal if it wasn't for all the stigma attached to it.

1. It feels dirty for some reason. Right now people just speculate as to what we do alone. Living together announces it.

2. It is so hard on my kids. I think they would lose respect for me.

3. Small town, ex-JW, parents, family and friends still in the Borg...That's alot to dodge.

So how do you decide if this is an area that needs to be reconditioned? What I mean is, "Do I have this stigma attached to it because I was a JW?" Or is this just good moral makeup? Has anybody else gone through this?

mouthy

This is something you have to decide for yourself.
I KNOW several folks that did move in together,
but,after a few months,years, it broke up..the kids suffered.
I personally believe that as long as kids are involved
not a good idea, your obviously getting the "comforts"
of being "ONE" but if you can manage living alone until
he wants the make it "legal"might be a good idea.
but it is your life!!!so it is your discision.

vikesgirl101

Thanks Mouthy. I think I agree. I just thought maybe I was being selfish. It feels like it just leaves an opportunity to leave whenever one wants. Oh, I don't know. Obviously I must not be ready, huh?

insearchoftruth

Hey vikesgirl, sounds like you may not be ready.

I lived with my wife about six months prior to getting married, and there were children involved from her side, not sure if it was a good idea. She was a JW apologetic at that time, now she is an uberzealous study.....

mraimondi

if you want to be a christian, and you are having pre-marital sex, you would be a hypocrite.

but i think it is better to shed that old paradigm...

marriage is a fucking joke.

snowbird

It feels dirty for some reason.

There's your answer.

Sylvia

thomas15

vikes,

Even Dear Abby would advise against it. She would say that without the legal commitment, the man (of which I'm one myself) gets all of privledges (ie: evening fun) of marrage without the responsibility. The woman, on the other hand, gets stuck with all the bills (after the arrangement falls apart).

In the end. your call but since you are asking for opinions, I give mine freely.

Take care,

Tom

vikesgirl101

I welcome the opinions. Thanks!!

bluecanary

This is my plan: after my horrible marriage and divorce I will never again marry a man without first living with him. This is mandatory for me. I do not have children, though.

If you want marriage, whether before or after living with the dude, TALK TO HIM about it. There's no shame in telling a guy that your eventual goal is marriage. It doesn't amount to a proposal and it needn't put the guy on the spot. But if he doesn't ever want marriage, that gives him the opportunity to let you know so you can make informed decisions about your future.

keyser soze

She would say that without the legal commitment, the man (of which I'm one myself) gets all of privledges (ie: evening fun) of marrage without the responsibility. The woman, on the other hand, gets stuck with all the bills (after the arrangement falls apart).

And she would be full of shit if she did. You're going to have to explain the logic behind this.

Living in sin

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