My issues with women ...

by The Berean 47 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  DanTheMan

  Hi Berean,

  It has only been in recent times that I have begun to fairly evaluate each individual by their conduct and not their gender.

  I think this is the crux of the issue. I like what Satanus said about "mental constructs" - we all carry around these ideas about what "women" and "men" are in very general, platonic terms, but when I attempt to reflect upon all the people I've known in my life, both men and women, without all the generalizations that I've accumulated over the years, the realization I come to is that all people regardless of gender are incredibly varied in personalilty, intellect, ability, tastes, niceness, meanness, whatever. I've been guilty of being really stupidly stereotyping and disrespectful of women in the past, but I'm working hard to correct that now. There's a whole lot I wish I could take back, but c'est la vie.

  Dan, bored-with-facebook-so-I'm-back-lol
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  jamiebowers

  My experience with the borg includes an abusive stepfather and an abusive husband, so for years I thought that men were favored. And in a general way, they are, simply because the only qualification they need to be the head of a woman is a penis. Specifically, though, the organization favors the person who submits to its will without doubt or question.
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  The Berean

  Thank you for your comments. Apparently how I feel is not socially acceptable. Question: Are there not women who express the same sentiment toward men after abuse? If so, are they likewise counseled?
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  greenhornet

  I enjoy talking to women than men. Women listen and can read between the lines. I feel safer with a married women or a women with a platonic relationship. If I go on a date I freeze up and also blow it. I joined a Internet dating service and If I get a message I don't know what to say.

  In a nut shell Id say most women are way smarter than men.
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  Hope4Others

  I am so sorry for what happened in your life. Dominent women do not realise what they do to their sons. Often times they produce gay sons.

  They are a product of their own envirionment as a child and often have experienced some type of abuse in their own lives.

  There are some marriages where the woman is very dominant and the husband being very quiet and submissive. Many even ridicule such a man calling him names like” Sissy” and “ Coward”.

  It is always assumed that a Man should be the dominant one, whose decision is last and final, with the woman being the submissive one. A change in this pattern is not accepted in the society and is often ridiculed.

  Well, however many don’t try and find out why a woman ends up being so dominant in a marriage.

  According to researchers and various studies, a woman ends up being dominant when she faces a lot of negativity in childhood for being a girl child. When being neglected her rights and expectations just because she is a girl child, she burns up with lot of anger and resentment inside swearing to herself that she will not take it any more when she is an adult. This is one reason why women end up showing so much of dominance in a marriage.

  Also, when girl children are always being projected as weak and docile, some girls try to resist and reject this notion by being dominant and showing the world that they are capable of taking decisions. This is another reason why women are so dominant.

  Also, women tend to become dominant when their husbands fail to make decisions for the family. It is then that a woman takes charge and tries to run the family.

  As children, we are completely dependent on our parents for love, for nurturing, for guidance, and for our very survival. Our parents become like gods for us, and their words and actions will often stay with us for the rest of our lives, whether or not we are consciously aware of them. Our parents mold and shape us like clay, influencing our thoughts and beliefs with theirs.
  
  Most children instinctively seek to please their parents in order to receive love and nurturing, because rejection could mean death in the animal kingdom. Most children also come in with unconditional love and innocence, seeking only to love and be loved.
  
  Our parents have been molded and shaped by their parents, and by their own education and life experiences. These factors have altered them from being the innocent and unconditionally loving children that they were born to be, and have influenced them to hold the thoughts, beliefs, feelings and behaviors that they now have.
  
  In turn, our parents' thoughts and beliefs, feelings and behaviors imprint upon us, and our own children will be influenced by our thoughts, beliefs, feelings and behaviors. We will continue to pass along the legacy of our parents, our grandparents, our great-grandparents, and so on, until and unless we choose and decide to break the pattern of belief and behavior.
  
  Whether we like it or not, we often become like our parents if we do not heal those issues and tendencies within ourselves, because we become what we judge.

  hope4others
• 

  yknot

  Berean.....

  It isn't a matter of 'socially acceptable' but rather an experience that differs from the larger community. It is not any less valid either!

  I am so happy you have brought this discussion to the forum too as it sheds light on those with similar experiences. I find it downright interesting how your views have been shaped by your mother, the borg and your congregation observations.

  I like many grew up in a more paternal KH. Fathers disciplined children in the spanking room more then mothers taking their kids outside. Women were evil but I can't think of a single case of adultery in any of my KH experiences, immorality was restricted to husbands looking at porn and unmarried sexual acts. The only reason women were evil in fact was due to the societies view on Eve. Poor Eve, it is like blaming the wife for a husbands abusive acts! Blaming Eve gave Russell onward the right to dismiss women entirely.

  Many of us has suggested counseling. That is very good start...... perhaps also start being friends with more women too!

  I hope we can continue this dialog on your ongoing evolution with the opposite sex. Just think of us gals on the forum as caring big sisters who just want you to be balanced in this world outside of the borg.....and will give opinions and advice at the drop of a thread!
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  meangirl

  I think what you need to remember it is YOUR perspective and everybody has their own perspective. I myself am an incest survivor (thanks bro) and a product of an unstable home in which my father was an alcoholic who abused my mother physically and verbally when he was drunk and heck when he was not drunk. I in turn cannot say "all men are evil raging alcoholics who abuse their wives and all brothers are child molestors." I have to realize we are all individuals and to give everybody a chance. The point is NOT to stereotype. Are there some trust issues, yes definitely. However, your post struck a nerve with me because this organization is sooooo oppressive of women it is pathetic. It is definitely not a female dominated religion by any means as basically women have no rights and are viewed as second class citizens. Have you ever thought of how humiliating it is to "give a talk" and have to pretend having a conversation with another female so you would not be teaching????? How about having to put a scarf or some other head covering on because there is no brother present or having some 9 year old boy try to take care of the group for service and he has no idea what he is doing and yet we females are definitely qualified and we cannot. How about if you have a problem with the body of elders you have to have your husband go and voice your concerns as you will not be labeled a "JEZEBEL." It is like you don't even exist. I didn't mean to come off as harsh but there are many people out there (like myself) who have undergone great injustices and yet we still remember to give everybody a fair chance.......
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  quietlyleaving

  I have found it very liberating to set aside blaming and seeking to make someone or something responsible for any "suffering" I have undergone.

  Berean, its very interesting what you say about women because I went through a phase exploring the male dominatedness of the WTS and concluded that that attitude was responsible for all the woes JWs and xjws experience. Making one person or one thing the author of our troubles is simple but it robs us of insight into other influences at work (dantheman and meangirl put it very well). These influences can then be valuable as they can enable us to see how lucky we have also been/are and can lead to enjoyment of life despite extreme misfortunes.

  edit: however as xjws we have to work against our training because the assignment of responsibility/blame game is one of the WTS' most powerfully inculcated tools