Maybe You Would Like to KNow Why I am here

by Alternator 24 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Alternator

  I am new to the group. I joined to get some feel, at least, for how I might improve my lifelong relationship with my JW wife. I am lifelong Roman Catholic. Reading dozens of postings on the subject of relationships (marital or otherwise) between JWs and non-JWs it would seem to be a relationship doomed from the start.

  I am beginning to think that our relationship is all that it can ever be. All the posts I have read indicate that I will never be socially accepted, yet my experience has been the opposite. Whenever my wife and/or her JW sisters and brothers plan a social event I have been invited and the few times I have attended, I have been treated cordially. I don’t attend very often because the conversation is always JW centered. I have always been invited to the memorial but have always declined because I have no desire to experience a symbol of what I believe to be a reality.

  .

  I did once agree to attend a convention with my wife (attend beyond driving her there and then otherwise occupying myself while the convention took place). When I entered the auditorium I was made aware of the theme “What Did Jesus Hate?” I knew I was in the wrong place. I am not sure that He ever said he hated anything. I guess one could say what He didn’t love, He hated, but His emphasis was always on love. I left before it got underway. I have not been to another convention - it seems there are new rules restrict reservations at “contracted” hotels to JWs. That would not stop me if I wanted to go - I can always make my own reservation. But the restrictions tells me I am not wanted there.

  As for her attending my social events. She often does once she is able to overcome her JW mindset and can hide in the Ladies room until opening prayer and/or pledge of allegiance is completed. Our conversations are never faith-centered but about the secular aspects family, friends, community, travel, etc. She is wholly accepted by my circle of friends and associates (yes they know she is JW).

  Your comments about a JW-nonJW relationship have me thinking that I have it better than most. I look forward to your comments.
• 

  Hope4Others

  It sounds like your life is going well. How long has your wife been a jw? Reading here on the forum will help you to understand

  the mindset and fear that haunts most jw's if anything else. In this way it will all help you to approach your relationship in the best way for

  you.

  Best wishes

  Hope4others

  Welcome to Jwn
• 

  Fatfreek

  Hi Alternator and welcome,

  Most here will envy your experience of sensing a cordial welcome at the meetings. Some won't be surprised.

  First, you may wish to share how you became spouses. Did she recently join the JW's, that is, after your marriage? Did she weaken and marry a non-JW -- that's you? Did the two of you just move to where you're living now? Sometimes a new congregation appears warmer when they're not familiar with all those dirty details of one of theirs "marrying outside the truth".

  I see no reason why they won't continue to be "cordial" with you as long as they don't sense a threat to their flock. That varies, of course, from congregation to congregation. Others, I'm sure will pop in a give you a more solid perspective .

  Len
• 

  Farkel

  JWs will always treat you nice because your wife is a JW and you are a "prospect" to them. They will do everything they can to show you how "normal" they are, hoping that you might become interested and eventually join them and their religious fantasies.

  Cults are experts at such tactics.

  Farkel
• 

  OUTLAW

  If you listen carefully,you will find out most JW`s hate the Catholic religion..Actually they hate all religions except thier own..LOL!!..

  Farkel is right..Your a prospect..

  Once you become a Jehovah`s Witness,your going to have to give up Jesus..

  With the exception of the 144,000..The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society is mediator between God and Man..Jesus is out of a Job!

  No I`m not Kidding..

  ..................................LOL!!...OUTLAW
• 

  DaCheech

  as long as things are going this way, god bless you.

  just keep on yessing them, but don't convert..... that way they think you're always a "maybe".

  it's amazing on how pleasant they can be when they think they "can" with you
• 

  Black Sheep

  Hi Alternator,

  I think that as long as you don't start talking doctrine the status quo will remain.

  You won't have a problem until one of you starts wanting to put your own religion's spin on a Bible story you are reading your children.

  Then it will be 'Welcome to our Nightmare'.

  Maybe you could talk her into letting your kids grow up as athiests, so that neither of you can traumatise them with hellfire or armageddon?

  Cheers

  Chris
• 

  mouthy

  I used to love bomb my friends(JW)husband...Who was Catholic..
  But I am sorry to say I DID win him over.He is now JW So beware,
  Http://exjw.weebly.com/
• 

  Satanus

  Now, mouthy lovebombs people to become christian. Lol. I used to do that too, when i was a jw. We were trained to believe that it would somehow win people over to become jws, also. We were taught to demonstrate to nonbelievers that we are NORMAL, kind, better than other people, etc. Better to be lovebombed than dissed, as long as you realize that it is mostly fake, training that they get from their leaders in new york.

  The way to clear this all up would be to get your wife out. But, that would involve a LOT of work in learning their doctrines, a lot of careful discussions w your wife over a period of yrs, and maybe even more problems, if she realized that you were trying to turn her out of her cult. She might come to view you as a satanic puppet. Maybe, better to go w it as it is, now.

  S
• 

  Alternator

  In response to all your comments:

  Hope4Others - my wife as been a JW approximately 40 years. “mindset and fear that haunts most jw’s” I have observed. They seem to be in constant fear of anything that doesn’t originate from the society (brothers, overseers, etc).

  Fatfreek : My wife and I have known each other all of our lives. She was a JW at the time we married. Her hesitance in saying yes was because she knew that I would not marry without a priest to witness (ir was possible for a JW “minister” to participate but she said that was impossible). The compromise she found acceptable was to be married in a non-denominational chapel without a religious ceremony (nuptial Mass). I am not sure what “marrying outside the truth” means. If it means a marriage ceremony such as ours - none of her JW brothers and sisters know that.

  Farkel : Me a “prospect”. I don’t think I am viewed as such. Every now and then I am approached in public by a member of my wife’s congregation and I politely reject the materials offered and indicate that I have access to at home to any that I may want. Which leads to explain that my wife is a member of their congregation. Itell them her name and they all know her and in turn introduce themselves. When I return home and tell my wife that I met “whoever”. She gets upset and says she is going to talk to them - like if I am a prospect, I am hers to develop.

  Outlaw : I am aware of the official JW position on Roman Catholics and it is not much different from that of other spiritual/religious groups. “Once you becomes a Jehovah’s Witness, your going to have to give up Jesus>” means I would never even consider becoming a JW because I could never consider giving up Jesus. I know you are not kidding.

  Black Sheep : The children? 3 now adults. In childhood I did not object to them from going to KH with their mother and very often they insisted on attending Mass with me. For the most part their questions were directed to me. What has been the result - we have one agnostic, one Catholic and one JW.

  Mouthy : I know more than a few Catholics who have moved to other denominations, including JW.

  In my discussions with them I have found that the reasons they give for leaving were not valid - they cite “teachings” of the Catholic Church that do not exist. They do not have a strong catechetical foundation and that is the fault of the Church they have left.

  Satanus: Geting her out would of course be the ideal solution. But it is something that has to be done without alienating her. I have found that in changing a person you may be creating your own monster. The new person is not the person you knew before, not the person you loved. Moreover, “for better or worse” is our commitment.