Did a householder ever "break your spirit" at the door?

by kitten whiskers 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  kitten whiskers

  The thread on creepiest things at the door got me to thinking about the field service.

  When I was having my initial doubts, and keeping up with "theocratic" requirements was hard (we had a new born and a two year old diagnosed with asthma which had us in the hospital several times, and only one vehicle), I had mine broken.

  I can't really remember what the man said. He was angry and took out all of his frustrations on me. I had never been so abused before. I had been yelled at and told many vicious things, but he took the cake. I had taken the door by myself. We were trying to cover the territory quickly and be done with it and get it over with.

  I just remember how hard it was to even be out in service. My hubby was driving, we had a good friend and our two kids with us. We took it pretty easy. We had our breaks for snacks and we were all out just to be "active". But that man broke my spirit. It was a good thing in retrospect. I cried and couldn't go to another house, and never voluntarily went out again. At least I don't think so. About that time, I lost faith in the whole "paradise earth" message. I didn't believe it. I was at a crossroads with my faith and preaching the message we were supposed to. This was the last straw. I broke.

  Did you meet someone at a door who just stopped you in your tracks and you never recovered? I did go out in service again, but only out of guilt with my in-laws. I never went out again because I wanted to. I never wanted to experience anything like that again. I hated service.
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  homeschool

  It took a reeeeeaLLy long time for me to realize, but when I was about 6 or 7, I went to a door with my mother. The man started yelling at my mother about how ridiculous and crude and inappropriate it was to bring a child like myself out on an early Saturday morning. I automatically thought it was the "persecution" that Jesus foretold, and it was a memory for a very long time. It was one of the millions of things that made me question the jw faith
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  restrangled

  Yes, while pioneering during the summer as a teenager in Wisconsin, I had the distinct pleasure of looking down the barrel of a shotgun at the end of some redneck's driveway.

  It put me off for quite awhile.

  r.
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  jamiebowers

  When I was having my initial doubts, and keeping up with "theocratic" requirements was hard (we had a new born and a two year old diagnosed with asthma which had us in the hospital several times, and only one vehicle), I had mine broken.

  I never had my spirit broken at the door, because I was pretty brainwashed. But I wanted to comment on the part of the quote in bold. I pioneered most of the time I was a jw. I was married, worked part time, had no children and was young and in good health. And it simply amazed me how many women with children felt inadequate, because they couldn't find the time to pioneer. So many sisters used to ask me how I did it, and my standard answer was, "I don't have children or a full time job." They often seemed confused by that answer, until it finally dawned on me how much pressure the WB&TS put on people to pioneer. It's just so sad that women who are doing the vital work of raising children and caring for families are made to feel so worthless. It's no wonder there's so much depression among th rank and file.
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  kitten whiskers

  Restrangled: Scary! My own uncle did pretty much the same thing to me. We were working the territory where he lived, and I knew him to be anti-witness, so I volunteered as a young adult to go. He was such an &^%$&* ! He shot his neighbor a few years later over a property line dispute. Went to jail for that one.

  Homeschool: Isn't amazing what we remember from when we were little! Those things stick like glue to the memory!

  Jamiebowers: You are so right about the pressure and the depression! So much needless suffering!

  Thank you for your replies!
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  OnTheWayOut

  Did you meet someone at a door who just stopped you in your tracks and you never recovered?

  Yes. I posted before about it. While early on in my doubts, in the door-to-door work, I was with a sister and we came across a hippie leftover from the 60's. Imagine Tommy Chong. Just like Tommy Chong, the guy was now fairly successful, but still thought the same way.

  He said something to the effect: Do you think this Jehovah created people just to waste all their time bowing to him and praying to him and knocking on people's doors? He would have made us to enjoy life, not to worship him. That's pretty arrogant and shallow or insecure otherwise.

  He was so convincing. I will never forget the experience. I might not remember the exact words, but I know the house, I would know the face and I know he helped me.
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  doofdaddy

  I remember a "door" that broke my spirit but for different reasons.

  This guy was a writer from New York who no longer needed to worry about earning a living, despite only being about 40 at the time. He was so tolerant of our spiel and honestly respected our point of view. He had a beautiful, tasteful home near the beach, a lovely girlfriend and was happy to have us call regularly.

  He never preached at us, so ironically I realised how dogmatic we were. A really nice person.
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  Casper

  I can't remember one that actually broke my spirit, but I do remember the ones that made me wonder, "Why don't I feel like they do" ??
  
  I loved visiting the elderly in our area, it seemed we could always get on common ground using the Bible, then they would start talking about Jesus this and that. Mostly I would just sit and listen, I would see such zeal in their faces and what seemed to be genuine happiness, in many ways I envied them their "Faith".
  
  I would normally leave wondering... "What is wrong with me, I'm suppose to feel that way too", but I never did.

  Cas
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  wavvy

  I can't think of a householder that broke my spirit, but the partner I was working with did...

  Was going through the dilemma of whether to stop pioneering due to severe health issues, and was told that the number of hours I put on my report was a direct reflection of how much I loved J. Incredibly hurtful.
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  verystupid77

  The householder no but the ones in the truth working with me yes. I have been put down so much for what and how I talk at the doors. I do not know why as I was not that bad, not that I am bragging but honestly I was no worse than they were at the door. Once I did the door step study offer when I was about 20 years old and a young wife said yes I would love to study with you. She was about my age and maybe she was wondering what JW's had to say. Anyway I was on cloud nine I was so excited to tell everyone in the car group. Only thing there was this elder in the car who said you cannot kept that study. I was like of course I can, I thought he was joking but no he was not joking. He asked the address and what the womans name was, wrote it down and said I know a sister who can study with her. You cannot do the study. I till this day do not understand what the elder had against me. He was older in his early 70's or something but he felt I was to dumb to conduct the study. That hurt me so bad and it really did break my spirit.

  So many of the witnesses are so back bitting and mean. I came from the wrong side of the tracks and my parents were the lowly ones in the truth, I was never supposed to amount to anything and still do not even though I have pioneered and been to Bethel I never could do enough. I am still not worthy. I know it is strange but in the witnesses it is really is a dog eat dog world. There is no love and the only praise you get is when you get is when you can get someone to show an interest in the religion. So everyone wants to shine above the other person. It is just such a sad religion.