Haven't been to a meeting in 3 years...

by dudeson 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • dudeson
    dudeson

    First off I'd like to say hello to everyone on this forum, especially those who clicked on my topic.

    I was baptized on Sept 9, 2000 when i was 15. Looking back I only did it because I had been studying with the same brother for 2 years and it seemed like the next logical step.I have 3 half siblings who at one point were all going to the meetings but were never baptized. None are in any way affiliated with any congregation at all and live a long way from myself and my mom.

    My mother and I are the only ones in my family who have been baptized and as of Dec. 2008 I moved into my own place because things were just too tense between us. I figured it would be beneficial for our stress levels if i moved out.

    When I became inactive my mom kept asking why. I simply told her that I didn't want to go out in service or to the meetings anymore. At the time I still somewhat believed it was "the truth" and felt guilty about it. With all the meetings missed I sometimes got a brother coming to our house on Saturday mornings waking me up usually. Eventually it stopped and I lost contact with some of my closest friends I ever had.

    Fast forward to when I moved out I found myself in a bad depression over this past winter. I realized I wasn't close to any of the friends i used to be. I didn't want to hear "go back to the meetings and you'll feel better". I knew that wasn't a cure all. Still, I did have on friend who was in the same band as I was. A "semi-active" memeber of the congregation that shared the hall i went to. He told me that if I were ever to be DF'd he'd still talk and associate me. He didn't care what people thought of it. That meant alot to me since at the time I thought it would be a good thing to go to the elders and tell them I had "committed fornication". I held out for awhile and then I started doing some research on the internets.

    I found this forum as well as other JW/exJW sites and started taking all the information in. I then ordered a copy of Crisis of Conscience and just finished it last week. My eyes were finally opened. I no longer had to feel guilty about not going to meetings or feild service. I still revert back to the old way of thinking a lot as it's only been a coulpe months of lurking around here and there but I seem to adapt well.

    When I heard of the layoffs going around at work i immediately thought about what am I going to do now? I only have a high school education. I thought of the miitary. Long story short I go for my ASVAB test today. Now i have the problem of telling my mother about it. It's not about getting DF'd or DA'd that bothers me, it's how it would make her very upset and sad. I'm not sure it would be appropriate to start bashing the belief system she brought me up in. I almost want her to stay in the organization because it's all she has. Is this the right attitude? I really don't know.

    I'm writing and posting this because I need to vent. The only person I told about the military is a friend i made at work. But it is really hard for him to understand how a parent or anyone in the organization feels. That is why I would appreciate any comments or criticism or whatever.

    If you made it here, thanks for reading. I really appreciate it.

  • Hope4Others
    Hope4Others

    Well I can't blame you for trying to spare your mom. I feel the same about my mom she is older in age and that is all she has. To rip it all

    away from her would be wrong for me. Unless I could be there 24/7 and I can't, so I see no point.

    It will be hard to tell her you've joined the military I'm sure, I wish you the best. But you need not go into why you no longer

    believe if that is how you feel. Just take your time thinking about what you will say to your now circumstances.

    h4o

    Welcome to the forum....

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    Welcome to JWN! I don't have anything against the mliitary, but you're never too old to go to school. Have you looked into all of your options? That being said, your mom is going to be upset no matter what you do with your life unless it involves going back to the cult. She's made her decision, and now you must make your's. Hey, and don't sell your mom short. Being that all of her kids have left the "truth", maybe she'll open her eyes and start a whole new life. Stranger things have happened.

  • dudeson
    dudeson

    Thanks for the replies.

    I have carefully considered just going back to college (I did a couple semesters because i was given the ultimatum: leave or go to college). It's hard to go into complete details without writing a novel. But I believe or at least hope the military will give me the discipline i feel i need. This wasn't an overnight decision. I've thought about it on and off over the past few years. I'm about 90% sure I will do it.

    It would be nice to see my mom accept it but she was once inactive for 7 years from about 1989-1996. She was miserable and has no regrets about her decision to return.

  • diamondiiz
    diamondiiz

    I don't understand why you would leave one cult for another? Military is just another brain dead organization other than it pays but are you willing to die for the man? Sorry if this may sound offensive but really, if they send you to any of their BS made up wars and you have to go and are you willing to die for some a-hole in Washington or any other country? You're young, go to school get educated and find a job that will benefit you as you grow older and have a family. Young people think that money is important and the army pays so why not - remember you have a whole life ahead of you still and risking your life for some useless politician just isn't worth it just as it isn't worth dying for any of the old farts in Brooklyn. Best thing you can do is find a good job, even if it may mean spending next 4 years in school and when you come out you can prove to your mom that you're still the same person and you made something of yourself and you can have a normal life. Think of your future and the best way of you to enjoy that future because this life isn't long and why risk making it possibly shorter by taking a chance of being send off oversees to some war torn country?

  • yknot
    yknot

    Well what did the test say?????

    Obviously the results are what will make or break your joining!

    Just be your own man..... (granted I am perplexed that being a JW didn't make you a whiz at attendance and disciplined study habits)

  • dudeson
    dudeson

    diamondiiz-

    i have met many people who went into the US military and don't regret that decision. I have met a few that say maybe they should have chosen a different avenue to pursue a career. i understand that going to war may mean dying. does it scare me? i'd be lying if i said it didn't. but it doesn't outweigh my desire to pursue it. we could debate all day what is good and bad about doing it. but let's face it, it's for some people and not for others. the concern you show seems genuine and kinda took me back a bit. it almost seems like people on the internet have feelings!

    yknot-

    thanks and it's nice to meet ya. I take the test in about 12 hours (it's 3 am now). i took it in high school and was hounded by the army/marines/air force for several months. my recruiter said that's probably cause i did well on it. but since the score is only valid for 2 years i have to take it again.

    i didn't have good study habits when it came to the meetings. since i didn't have a teacher or was being quizzed for a grade i never did any lessons from the WT, bookstudy, etc...

  • diamondiiz
    diamondiiz

    Dudeson:

    If you don't mind serving another cult since that's how I view politicians then all the power to you. Personally I would not offer my life for some lousy politician or a banker, if I am willing to die it will be to defend my home and my family not some crooked men who create wars for their own benefits. It's a bit harder to ask a dead soldier what he thought of joining an army and would he do it again so when you get response from those in the military you're just getting one sided view if you get my drift. And it's not about being scared of dying you should consider but what is it that you are gaining besides a paycheck in exchange for your possible life. IMO it's better to be called a coward and live than a brave dead soldier. Balance your options and consider what you may want out of life? Family, children, home and will can you have these even if you don't make a great wage at home and the other option is you go to war and may have all these as well but your chances increase dramiattically of getting killed, paralyzed, severly injured, disfigured, loose limbs be affected by some war syndrome, etc. all the possible risks with just wanting to get paid. I have a young brother too who thought like you and let me tell you I would hate to see him risk his life for those f#%$%s sitting and dictating which country they will invade next so they can create some jobs and test their new weapons. Going to army is like JW going to hospital with a risk of surgery and you only hope they don't require blood ;) Just really think about your options and do you really love those politicians that you're willing to die for them because your not risking your life for any one of us here.

  • Heaven
    Heaven

    dudeson, Welcome to the Forum!

    You are the architect of your life so my advice is simple. Do what you love to do. And base yourself on proper principles. If you start out with these 2 things, you will do well in life. As always, I recommend Stephen Covey's books "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and "First Things First".

    I am curious about what the catalyst was for you to start investigating about JWs and the WTS. If you are not comfortable saying, let me know... I am ok with that.

  • jwfacts
    jwfacts

    Welcome Dudeson. It is good to hear you have been able to get over the guilt.

    I grew up with a witness that went into the military and is now in Iraq. I personally would not recommend that as a career choice. It is hard enough for your mother without the additional pain of her son being in the military, and it is not the most pleasant career for you to get into.

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