Interesting story. You have talent.
It can be unnerving posting your writing for all to see. Take what you need from the reviews and ignore the rest.
After Armageddon: Vision of The Future (Part 1)
by cameo-d 16 Replies latest jw friends
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restrangled
Cameo-d,
I enjoyed what you have written so far. You came up with some thought provoking ideas. Especially, the scavenging. How organized it will have to be etc. That it might be all pre-planned, etc. It also made me think about all the harping the Society is doing about obey, obey, obey the FDS right or wrong. People will be so use to following orders with no questions asked now, so there will be no muntiny in the future "new world order."
Please continue.
r.
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cameo-d
Blondie: "This story (stories) are from the viewpoint of non-jw or a religious non-jw's view of the Bible"
Actually, Blondie, you are confusing the writer with the character. The POV (point of view) is through the eyes of a fading JW who has been mistaken for "one of the faithful" and has survived.
Blondie: " I wonder how they would have access to jets and all the hazmat things?"
In the story, The faithful JWs have been confined in their homes, "the inner sanctum", and are not really aware of whatever has taken place. Being told about the military jets and hazmat teams are the first indication that others who were not JW have also survived.
Your comments were helpful in that it tells me I need to explain more details and perhaps give a short background statement to establish character and time frame.
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Primate Dave: You should know that I did read your story, at least what you posted of it.
Well, actually, you did interrupt. I put the notation "be right back" to indicate that there was more to come before completing this short segment.
Primate Dave: Why post something that's not quite finished?
I have heard many people here say that they do not like to read long posts. Not only that, but I don't have time to sit and type out 20 pages all at once. I have a life and I have interruptions.
I would like to post it in small parts. That way, if anyone likes it and is interested they can look forward to a continuing story...like a soap opera. The next installment would be labeled "part 2, part3, etc."
If there are comments or questions or something is not clear, then I would definitely like to hear from readers at the end of each section. That way, it would help me with any revisions I might need should I decide to do something with the story in the future.
Primate Dave: It is very ... bland. Rather like a Hollywood TV drama series, it sanitizes what supposedly should be the most horrific event in the history of humanity.
You seem to be disappointed that this story does not fit your criteria of a holocaust. Your suggestion of more gore, torture and destruction is not my vision at all. You seem to have made up your mind what Armageddon will be like and *surprise* what if you are mistaken? What if it's not at all like what you imagined? You have a preconceived notion and you might be totally wrong when it comes down!
Sure, it will be horrific. But suppose the truth of the horrific part is hidden? After all, JWs will be secluded in their inner sanctums. Maybe the horrors will happen in the dark of night, in secrecy and stealth. When the JWs come out of hiding...people will be gone or missing....they will assume their invisible god 'did it' and will never ask the real questions of what happened to all those people.
The world will not be burning up from asteroid strikes. No smoulders, no cries of pain. The JWs will step out into a world of emptiness and silence.
Primate Dave: At the end of the day you've got a place to eat and sleep. You've got electricity and water. People are organized. You go and collect valuables from homes. WTF?
That's what I say...WTF?
Sounds like what WT has promised for the survivors, though, doesn't it?
They will be told "Jehovah provides for his people" and they will just accept that. Of course there is food and a place to sleep. More of it for those who are left. Jehovah always provides for his people by the spoils of war.
Again, you are trying to make my story fit into your mold of criteria for what you think it should be like. Open your mind. You cannot read and be open to new ideas and suggestions if you are that dogmatic in your thinking.
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only me
Cameo-
I like this so far.
I have had the thought that it would be so easy for the WTS and the powers that really are to put people in camps or tell them to hide inside and then commit Armageddon themselves , then lie to the "survivors" . It would be the perfect way to lower the world population and still insure obedient people to serve the masters.
Looking forward to more.
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cameo-d
Would it be more fun if I used some of your screen names for my characters?
yes? No?
Villian or saint?
How would you like to be portrayed?
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PrimateDave
I would like for you to continue your story too. I would only hope that my constructive criticisms will make you want to refine your story.
You seem to be disappointed that this story does not fit your criteria of a holocaust. Your suggestion of more gore, torture and destruction is not my vision at all. You seem to have made up your mind what Armageddon will be like and *surprise* what if you are mistaken? What if it's not at all like what you imagined? You have a preconceived notion and you might be totally wrong when it comes down!
Well, isn't Armageddon supposed to be horrific? Isn't that what the Watchtower Society has long portrayed in its literature? What you are describing seems more like the TV show "Jericho" which I found mildly entertaining. But that's fine. So you have a vision of a grand conspiracy stuffed into the skin of Armageddon. Let me take a different approach then. What you have appears to be a diary of sorts, or perhaps something some anonymous person wrote up as a report for someone. Ask yourself, who is the narrator? Who is he writing to? Why? Or maybe what you have written could be called your plot summary disguised as a first person narrative.
I am also puzzled by your very first sentence: "Armageddon has come and gone, and I am left to tell the story." It seems to suggest a sole-survivor scenario. My first impression is that a huge global calamity has occurred, and the narrator is all alone and writing his story in case someone else may have survived and will read it some day. However, right away we find out that he isn't alone. In fact there's quite a lot of people and they are being organized to collect wealth left over from people who have died. I find the situation implausible.
You see Jehovah's Witnesses who are so docile that they do what they are told without question. I see a lot of frightened people who are only going to follow orders at the point of a gun. Despite all their talk about wanting the end to come, I think most Witnesses are very scared at the prospect of the Great Tribulation. Besides, I think you are overestimating (underestimating?) the average Witness. Most are far less obedient than the WTS would have you believe. (Isn't that right, Reniaa?) Nevertheless, any good work of fiction can make implausible scenarios seem completely possible, so that is your challenge in this case. Help your readers suspend their disbelief.
Anyway, you are right about my vision of an "Armageddon." In a post-apocalyptic scenario it is my belief that centralized government is the first thing to go. Without highly trained people, infrastructure (energy, water, transportation) fails quickly. Without infrastructure, even the most advanced armies come to a halt. Once the food is gone from supermarket shelves, people begin to go hungry. And then all hell breaks loose...
The best post-apocalyptic novel I have ever read by far is The Road by Cormac McCarthy.
Synopsis: [from a PDF copy of the book]
A searing, postapocalyptic novel destined to become Cormac McCarthy's
masterpiece.A father and his son walk alone through burned America. Nothing moves in the
ravaged landscape save the ash on the wind. It is cold enough to crack stones, and
when the snow falls it is gray. They sky is dark. Their destination is the coast,
although they don't know what, if anything, awaits them there. They have nothing;
just a pistol to defend themselves against the lawless bands that stalk the road, the
clothes they are wearing, a cart of scavenged food — and each other.The Road is the profoundly moving story of a journey. It boldly imagines a future in
which no hope remains, but in which the father and his son, "each the other's world
entire," are sustained by love. Awesome in the totality of its vision, it is an
unflinching meditation on the worst and the best that we are capable of: ultimate
destructiveness, desperate tenacity, and the tenderness that keeps two people alive in
the face of total devastation.The prose is quintessentially McCarthy: spare, desolate, unemotional, reserved of
both unnecessary vocabulary and punctuation (he recognized the necessary evil of
periods denoting the end of a sentence. Some contractions are so designated with an
apostrophe, some not. Exclamation points are avoided with the same vigilance as
would be shown to beanies with propellers). Although most English teachers I've
been a captive audience to would consider him Satan incarnate, he still can turn a
phrase of almost unbearable beauty. -
restrangled
Cameo'd,
I took your story as past the gore, blood, etc. We have all imagined, read, and seen enough of that crap.
I love'd your version...please keep going....it really might be funny to include some personalities here. LOL
r,