by freewilly01 28 Replies latest jw friends
While preparing a public talk on prophecy, it occurred to me that this religion has not gotten much right at all and uses the "new light" as wiggle room.
Added to that, the cultish following accepts anything without the ability, permission or forum to ask questions.
It is amazing what happens when you really "put these things to the test".
When I was included in ONE meeting with the elders and my "outed" husband and they asked, "Was there something your wife would or wouldn't do that caused you to turn to men?" That was it for me.
"I want you to just meet other men at the a$$emblies."
That was an actual quote from the lead hounder, and he repeated it several times at different a$$emblies. And now they have that Kingdumb Misery directive to meet men (and only men) in field circus, which would be used to force me to work with, on, and around just men and be with just men all the time. And they wonder why I have zero hours of field circus and zero boasting session attendance out of me in the past 4 years.
When I was included in ONE meeting with the elders and my "outed" husband and they asked, "Was there something your wife would or wouldn't do that caused you to turn to men?" That was it for me.
Oh Boy the Ignorance in that question screams cult. Well I suppose a bad wife can make a guy go gay!!!! I wonder if those elders later ran off and sat in public bathroom stalls for sexual encounters.
What did it for me was when I had a letter read to me when the elders wrote the society about what I was going through. The letter and follow up phone call were so dry & legal that I couldn't equate that answer as anything resembling a spirit led organization. At first I thought it was the worst answer I could have received, but later I could almost thank them for it.
When I saw in a Watchtower that Jesus is not our mediator. This was so obviously against that well known scripture: "no one comes to the father except through me" that my faith in the org started to waver.
When close friends told me I was dangerous and had thrown myself into the arms of the devil I knew the whole thing was a ridiculous farce, but not very funny.
fact based stuff like:
the flood couldn't possibly have happened
607 was completely wrong
the UN involvement so clearly screamed 'cover-up'
that kind of thing...
For me it was when I realized that a child molester was holding children and not one elder saw anything wrong with it. Not only that but I got into huge trouble over it because it upset me. I was told it was none of my concern. I was made to feel like I was in the wrong for hurting the poor child molester, we do not want to hurt their feeling you know forget about the children. The elders could care less about children, Jehovah can fix their minds in the new system it is pedophiles we need to care for now.
Just Sick
After dealing with this the rest of this religion began to look less appealing.
When I lost my Judicial Committee disfellowshipping appeal - I said yeah I guess I'm done here.
Pretty powerful leavingwt when you can put a face on the BS of the borg.
I think there are 2 types of Aha moments: Intellectual and emotional.
I think the intellectual recognition that this wasn't the truth probably comes first for most, based on what I read. (or at the very least, that uncomfortable "uh oh, what have I done" feeling when studying JW prophecy and eschatology)
It's the emotional though that can really move your ass out the door.
For me, my intellectual/emotional starting point was the same: the suicide of my brother. Having to come to grips with him being gay, and my turning a blind eye to his needs because of the cult was quite the head f*ck.
Then, little by little, the intellectual facade that they borg used came down, amazingly, because I took them up on their offer to study and understand more. Things like 607 BCE and 1914, anything they used to explain Revelation, having to justify disfellowshipping horny teens, having to deal with pedophiles in a less then honest and honorable way. All the damn sneaking around elders do.... And of course, being at Gilead where you are face to face with the BS dogma....
Emotionally though, I had one important piece still in, my ex. When I came to my own conclusion that she would never put me above the borg ever, that was all the emotional "aha" that I needed.
I love and miss all my old friends, but I couldn't live that lie anymore and lose what was left of the real me.
Several years ago, there was a JW calendar with pictures of JW history ... on one page there was Rutherford and witnesses with sandwich boards saying in english: "MILLIONS NOW LIVING WILL NEVER DIE!" text to the picture translated into my language was: "Zealous brothers are advertising the lecture of J.R. MILLIONS NOW LIVING MIGHT NOT DIE" ... I felt terribly, this was not mistranslation, it was clear LIE!!!! since in my country most JWs dont speak good english, nobody was bothered ...
I found courage to ask a brother i knew in local Bethel in service dept.... He just turned red and said: Maybe its a mistake.... I said: No way, you cannot make such mistake the meaning is completely different!!! He just ran away....
It was a proof to me they just lie if they want and nobody cares... It was beginning of my fade...
Albert
