PM ALERT!
taking good advice and sharing about myself(a little)
by freedomisntfree 21 Replies latest jw experiences
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
Ah, to be 20 again.
I feel unprepared to survive without community looking for some understanding and insight.
JWN can provide a measure of understanding, insight, and community, but you'll need to build a network of real friends once you move. I'm not sure how much you've learned from your 3 years away, but the conditioning about "friendship" we received growing up dub doesn't translate into the real world.
Have you found it easy or difficult to start new friendships outside of dubdum? That will be important as you move on.
B the X
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freedomisntfree
well i have a few good friends but i find it hard to trust people as i dont know what to exspect from them.I usually end up being walked all over by most people i try to be really good friends with becuase i pressume people will do the right thing and respect me but they usually screw me over.I must have victem written on my forehead
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
Okay freedom, now you're reminding me of what I don't miss about 20. Relationships all had "drama" back then... now I remember.
I certainly don't mean to belittle your feelings. The challenges you face are real, and the people you're trying to befriend are facing challenges, too. But there's no need to conclude that you have "victim" or anything else written on your forehead. You already have a few good friends, that's a good start.
How about some Dr. Phil questions... How seriously are you being walked all over? Do you have low self-esteem, causing you to befriend abusive people? Do you think you may be expecting too much from people you really don't know well? You aren't loaning money to strangers are you? Are you befriending people who are attractive and affluent... but shallow or emotionally draining? Do you dismiss older or more stable people because they are "boring"? Do you get tired of strangers like me asking all these questions?
B the Shrink
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freedomisntfree
Thoose are all good questions and i have a proffessional shrink workin them among other things out with me billy but thanks lol
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Scarred for life
freedomisntfree:
If you have a few good friends and a professional shrink helping you to work things out then you are way ahead of the game. You're 20. Your life is just beginning. You will do just fine in the non-JW world.
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Black Sheep
Welcome to the forum, freedom...
I am so pleased that you worked it out before you married a JW and brought your kids up in it.
Freedom sure isn't free when you have JW family, but you have broken the cycle.
Congratulations.
Chris
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Scarred for life
Yes, Black Sheep is right. Somebody has to break the cycle or it just keeps going generation after generation. Congratulations to you for your courage!
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freedomisntfree
well thanks guys but im sure ill f*** my kids up later on in my own special way.My sister has been raising her son non jw as she is d'fed and theres a big difference between her child and my brothers(who is a fanatical jw).There only 5 and 6 and their already displaying a lot of the anxiety issues and childhood depression that my siblings and I had .Luckily there mother is not a witness she goes to the meetings with my brother and shes become a publisher but they havnt really taken her in mentally and hopefully wont.Her family provides a lot of normality for my neice and nephew that I never had.
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Scarred for life
There only 5 and 6 and their already displaying a lot of the anxiety issues and childhood depression that my siblings and I had .
I understand. My sister and I suffered with those things also.
If your sister-in-law is going to meetings and has become a publisher then she is fast on her way to becoming a full-fledged JW.
Having non-believing family members does provide children with some normaltiy that other JW children don't have. My father's family was not JWs and we did see them and have good relations with them . Thank God!
I have raised my children totally differently than I was raised. That's not to say that I have been perfect. Far from it. But I feel that my children are turning out quite well and none of them have the anxiety and depression that my sister and I have struggled with.