Need help with the whole road rage/anger thing. Is this a sign of a deeper problem?

by easyreader1970 16 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  easyreader1970

  I have a problem. I always have. I don't like being deliberately cut off in traffic as though the person has a right to impede my progress because of his or her whim. Further, when someone forces me over or out of the way, I feel as though I am having my manhood stripped away and that I am wimping out. It bothers me. Like I was stared into backing down.

  This morning, someone tried to force their way over on me and I wouldn't let him. I blew my horn at him, he tried again, and I refused entry. He had to go behind me.

  Apparently he was ticked that I didn't let him when he tried to force his way in so he found the next opportunity and did it again. To avoid an accident, I allowed him entry. This infuriated me because I felt as though he'd beaten me and succeeded into making me his bitch. I was more angry with myself for "giving way" than I was at him.

  That was earlier this morning and I am still somewhat irritated. I wanted to just do the same to him but I felt that an accident on the freeway where maybe other people got hurt for our chest-thumping rivalry might not have been good.

  But how do I keep from feeling girlified and man-handled? (No offense to females for my use of "girlified".)
• 

  PSacramento

  Yep, you have a problem, seek help.

  LOL @ " Making me his bitch" !!
• 

  bluecanary

  I haven't studied psychology so I don't have any concrete answers for you. I think it's great that you understand WHY you get upset. I would recommend speaking to a professional counselor for tips on how to overcome that.

  Manhood and masculinity are wonderful things. Your task must be to find positive ways to express them.

  This may not be a long-term solution, but perhaps you can try to put yourself in the other person's place. Most people who cut you off are not doing so on purpose. They aren't thinking about YOU at all! They are in a hurry or they weren't paying attention. I try not to cut people off but on the rare occasion I do, I'm apologizing to the person the whole time, only they can't hear me.

  You could also try using a technique called "death meditation." Imagine that you have exactly two hours left to live. Do you want to spend your last two hours being pissed off at somebody you don't even know?

  About using the term "girlified": What you really mean is that you don't like being put in a position of being arbitrarily submissive to another man, a position that women have, historically, been consigned to. Well women don't like it either! I just wanted to point out that feeling stepped on isn't, or shouldn't be a gender issue. It's no more right for woman to "made somebody's bitch" than a man. If you don't already, you may want to keep that in mind when dealing with women. You can now identify with how they feel.
• 

  nelly136

  a little anger management course or summat similar might be worth your time,

  getting cut up and dodgy drivers is an occupational hazzard, if it makes you feel any better its probably not personal and they just drive like dicks all the time, we get a load of em over here too, if you can talk yourself into making a joke of their dreadful driving and just pat yourself on the back for being the better driver avoiding their bad manouvres it might make it hurt a little less.

  or maybe when they try and cut in you just give em the eye roll or force yourself to give em a cheeky smirk and let em go a few times, bettings are they'll go irritate the next person and you can go on to your destination and let someone else have the ulcers. at least you wont get shot for being the more curteous....even if it does make your teeth grit.
• 

  daniel-p

  I don't think your feelings necessarily indicate you have a "road rage problem." Further, you aren't the one driving dangerously (at least not by what you told us.) With that said, the person who gets angry loses. Just remember that. The only thing anyone can control is their own emotions, and to get angry is to let the other person control your emotions.

  Try to make driving into a pleasurable, relaxing experience. Traffic sucks, and angry drivers suck even more, but since we can't control those things, work on being an easy-going, relaxed driver. It'll be safer for you, and better for your health in the long run (lower blood pressure).
• 

  The Berean

  A shot in the dark:

  It could be as simple as that you have an inner resentment for having to live your life by everyone elses rules and you get angry when others appear to get away with ignoring common decency and courtesy. Yet, as another put it, the offenders are probably not erring on purpose. Perhaps you have a hint of perfectionism that wants a better world. A question is: How will you feel when you cut someone off or just plain screw up? Will you curse yourself or plea extenuating circumstances? Another guess: someone else probably taught you to look at mistakes as you do.
• 

  jamiebowers

  Hey, it's been awhile since you've posted. If I correctly remember your situation, you feel forced to stay in the borg for the sake of your family. That alone is enough to cause an anger problem, and it's possible that you take your frustration out on your fellow drivers. First of all, life is too short for that kind of stuff, and second of all, you never know if your life may be cut even shorter by a driver who has a worse case of road rage than you. Think about that...get counseling if you need to. Take care of and be kinder to yourself.
• 

  BabaYaga

  If I correctly remember your situation, you feel forced to stay in the borg for the sake of your family. That alone is enough to cause an anger problem, and it's possible that you take your frustration out on your fellow drivers. First of all, life is too short for that kind of stuff, and second of all, you never know if your life may be cut even shorter by a driver who has a worse case of road rage than you. Think about that...get counseling if you need to. Take care of and be kinder to yourself.

  I really think Jamie is onto something, here.

  By the way, it's good to see you, Easy.
• 

  TD

  I think you just need a different perspective

  Irritation is normal. The person already in the lane has the right of way --period. It's not a matter of courtesy so much as it's a matter of the aggresive driver failing to obey the law. Failure to signal; Unsafe lane change; Failure to yield right-of-way; Aggresive driving. --These are all offenses that merit citation.

  Having said that though, think of how the situation can escalate if you respond in kind. What if the individual follows you to your destination? What if he gets out of his vehicle with a baseball bat or tire iron?

  One of the first things they teach you in a CCW course is that you can't in any way contribute to a situation that ends with you pulling the trigger and killing someone. You have to learn to see taking offense at minor irritations as a weakness. The poor bastard who breaks traffic laws regardless of the effect on others is either stupid or compensating for his small penis or chronic erectile dysfunction.

  --Just touch the brakes, let him go by and feel sorry for him. It's a much healthier perspective.
• 

  BabaYaga

  TD is right, it really has a lot to do with perspective.

  I am going to go out on a limb here and recommend a book. I know that this is one of those books that one either loves or despises, but it really DOES have the lessons in it that can change one's perspective for the better.

  Read "The Power of Now" by Eckhardt Tolle and see if you don't consider other things before your rage takes control next time.