Decided Not to Ruin the Day Just to Make a Point about Education

OnTheWayOut

CBS Sunday Morning News often has inspirational stories. Here was one about a family that came from poverty and was inspired to send everyone to college- everyone in the family:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/07/24/assignment_america/main5187096.shtml?tag=contentMain;contentBody

The wife watched in total glee as she felt "inspired" by this. Her family never encouraged her to go to college, but she had to go. She went while married to me and has a master's degree now. She loves learning (seems strange for a devout JW that won't question THEM, but it is her.)

So I wanted to say something. But hey, it's Sunday morning, I am enjoying my coffee and have the whole day ahead of me, the whole day ahead of us. I wanted to say, "It would be a shame to be DISCOURAGED from getting a college education." I know her standard answer would be that college is not for everyone YADDA YADDA (standard WT answers). But the report was about a family where it was expected- you graduate college. With such an expectation, you try to succeed. I know my wife gets it, but sometimes you have to let the mind do it's own thinking instead of forcing the issue.

Was I right to not spoil the day? Should I have made the point clearer? Do you think it was best to let her own cognitive dissonance deal with this without a push from me? Was it really about spoiling the day or was I just chicken?

bluecanary

It's not about winning the battles, it's about winning the war. It's all right to strategically let some things go.

kitten whiskers

I think you did right. Don't let the conflict of the religion spoil your day.

If it inspired her, and you know how she feels, I am sure she sits in turmoil at each "experience" of a young JW at the assembly who has given up a scholarship. I know I did. It made me sick and the last few years we were in, I didn't add to the candid "clapping" afterwards. I am sure it eats at her. Let it work on her by itself. It will be her discovery that she can't find a way to defend and may cause the beginning of doubts.

In the meanwhile, you get to have a great day. Enjoy it!

Heaven

I find it's good to pick the opportune moments. I don't always refute my father, especially if I'm not in the mood. But if he starts pushing the 'you should be a JW' then I do tend to respond.

She loves learning (seems strange for a devout JW that won't question THEM, but it is her.)

Of course she does... she is human. What I find completely baffling is that the WTS does not allow it's membership their human needs. "To Learn" as Stephen Covey calls it is a Mental Need. It is not a want or a desire or a nice to have. It is a necessity. What baffles me even more is that the WTS says we'll provide all your needed learning for you. Reeeeaaallly. And how can you possibly do that thousands of miles away? If I need to learn how to change the oil in my car, are they going to provide that? How about when I need to learn a new skill at work? What if I need to learn how to prepare food for a person who now has Celiac Disease? Yeah... I really believe they can do all that for me --> (NOT!).

Finally-Free

I know her standard answer would be that college is not for everyone YADDA YADDA (standard WT answers).

While it may be true that college isn't for everyone, the decision is up to the individual. No one should be penalized for trying to improve their lot in life.

W

AudeSapere

If you pick up on every single inconsistency, your wife will start to feel like she is walking on eggshells or a minefield EVERY time she opens her mouth.

The fact that she has an advanced degree and she still listens to the evil of education at the meetings will eventually lead to some sort of dissonance in her. When 3 or 4 things become glaringly hypocritical and/or personal to her, then she will likely start wakening.

If you keep harping on the same stuff, she will likely just shut down or shut you out.

On further thought, maybe if you can practice positive affirmations - I'm so pleased and thankful we/you had opportunity to pursue interests. Can't begin to imagine what our life would be like if we didn't. Probably could not hurt.

-Aude.

skeeter1

"Jehovah" created a diverse set of personalities, interests, and talents. The love of learning, the love of nursing, the love of literature, etc., etc., etc., are all brought full circle by those who attend college and learn the basics so as to be able to enter their field or occupation.

Imagine if you were Jehovah and created a bird. While He was creating it, He made the wings, feathers, and bones, all dreaming to see it fly one day. When He was done, He placed the bird on a tree limb. Then, the bird said, "I will not fly, so as to show my sacrifice to Jehovah because one day very soon Jehovah will not want birds to fly in Paradise" So, the bird spent the rest of its life in that tree.

Jehovah would have cried, at least I would have.

I think it's blasphemy to our Creator to not explore your God given talents, interests, and personality. Sometimes, it takes college to do it.

steve2

One of the hallmarks of our having been JWs is the [tiresome] need to use every opportunity to make a point. So, it's a sign of letting go that we no longer feel the same need to make points at every opportunity.

I think it's not only healthy to just let matters rest, it's also respectful of those who don't share our views. Remember, the price of pearls is directly proportional to their number. The fewer, the higher the price. So too with our supposed pearls of wisdom: If we keep uttering them at every opportunity, people "brace" for it by closing their ears, and our pearls of wisdom sink without trace.

Be sparing - and increase the power of what you have to say.

OnTheWayOut

Thanks everyone. It was a nice day. It was good not to shake it up. Her own dissonance must kick in on it's own sometimes.

Lucky Calamity

It's good that you're so easy-going and supportive.

I wonder if your wife would have gotten that degree if she'd married a more uptight and "toe-the-line" kind of JW. She may have had to leave the bOrg AND her husband, first.

I'm glad you both enjoyed the day and no one had to make any serious compromises to do it!

If you can live with each other and be happy without "making points" about anything, then do it, cuz beating a dead horse to death is still beating a dead horse to death.

Decided Not to Ruin the Day Just to Make a Point about Education

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