The Grieving Process after Leaving the Cult

by cantleave 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  cantleave

  I really want my wife to see that we have spent our wholes lives in a lie, a lie promoted by mind controlling cult, but I have a problem and this is it.......

  My wife was extremely close to her Grandmother, she lived with her in her teens and loved her to bits. When her Grandmother died, 5 years ago, my wife was devestated, the only thing that allowed her to combat the grief was the hope of the ressurection, being able to see her Grandmother again in the New System.

  It is in my opinion, this hope that keeps her going in the "Truth". If the she leaves the truth I am sure, that like me she will not fall back on any other religion, she will probably become more humanist and agnostic if not Atheist.

  This realisation will mean that she will never see her Grandmother again. She will, I believe ,go through the grieving process again. A part of me doesn't want to go through this (see I am a bloke, and can't cope with girly tears).

  Did anyone after leaving the bOrg grieve retrospectively for lost relatives and friends. If so, how did you deal with it. How can I help my wife through this when it does inevitably happen?

  Please don't use this to try and tell that there is life after death because logic tells me there isn't and I don't have the capacity for faith anymore.
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  choosing life

  I don't think you can make anyone see things differently until they choose to themselves. Just keep dropping hints or questions that cause her to think.

  I didn't grieve for anyone lost in death after leaving the jws. I feel that nothing has changed except my beliefs. What happens to those who die has never changed.
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  leavingwt

  I think most of us grieve, in one way or another. I really did want to meet my grandparents, as healthy, youthful people and get to know them.

  Please keep in mind that MANY persons who leave still entertain the hope of living forever and spending time with their loved ones. This hope does not necessarily have to die, along with WT theology.
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  cantleave

  I appreciate that point leavingWT, I do not want to dismiss anyone's beliefs and maybe mine will change in time, but at present I don't think I need to find a fall back faith I feel that I have wasted a great of my life believing there will more after death and now want to live the rest of it whilst I am here on Earth.
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  AK - Jeff

  My brother died just months before we figured it out. I wanted to see him again in the worse way. He has been gone for over 6 years now.

  I grieved when he died - perhaps more than Jw's generally grieve - I can't say. He was my only brother, and still, to this day, not a day goes by in which I do not miss him and often shed a tear. I did not revisit the entire 'process' when I found out the 'truth about the truth'.

  Perspectives change - and I don't think that I have heard any cases of people revisiting the grieving process as you worry will happen with your wife. Not to say it might not happen in some cases. Just not something I had heard of before. I gradually came to grips with knowing that my brother was not coming back to paradise earth. But I don't think I miss him any more or less due to that change in my perspective.

  Jeff
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  cantleave

  Jeff thanks for your response. The loss of your brother seems to be as emotional as my wife's grandmother was / is for her. She is highly intelligent and rational and will adjust I am sure.
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  Quirky1

  It's time for her to get in touch with reality...
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  MissingLink

  I can relate to what you're saying. After leaving and re-evaluating everything I did grieve for the first time for family and friends who had died when I was a JW and it had no effect on me at the time. JWs don't grieve - it would show a lack of faith. I think it's a good thing to grieve when you're out. It's part of life.
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  cantleave

  You nailed it quirky1 !
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  startingovernow

  It is possible that you could show her that she is in a cult without destroying her faith in what the Bible says, since we are talking about two different things. Just because you no longer believe in a resurrection doesn't mean she has to in order to question her WT teachings. There are plenty of people who stop being JWs but still have faith in the Bible and what it says.