With deepest apologies to Paul Simon:
50 Ways to Leave Your "Mother"
The problem is all inside your head he said to me,
The answer is easy if you take it logically.
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free,
There must be 50 ways to leave your "Mother."
He said it's really not my habit to intrude,
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost
or misconstrued.
But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being rude,
There must be 50 ways to leave your "Mother......50 ways to leave your "Mother."
Call Elderettes "bitch", Rich,
Puff on a smoke, Bloke,
Bring porn to the Hall, Paul.
Grow your hair long, Wong,
Show a little skin, Lyn,
Get out of your cage, Page.
Just get yourself free.
Tinsel your tree, Lee,
Wear a big Cross, Ross.
Get a new tat, Matt.
Please listen to me.
Take blood to get well, Del,
Say Satan's Da Man, Dan,
Call the Pope "Boss", Josh.
Stop preaching hate, Nate,
and go out and mate.
You'll get yourself free.
He said "it grieves me so to see you in such pain,
"I wish there was something I could do to make you
smile once again."
I said, "I would appreciate that
and would you please explain?"
He said, "why don't we both just sleep on it tonight?"
"I believe that in the morning
you'll begin to see the light",
And then he hugged me and I realized
he probably was right.
There must be 50 ways to leave your "Mother.....50 ways to leave your "Mother."
Do fun things in bed, Ted,
Like getting some head,
That's what he said.
Take a dump on the stage, Page,
Send the Elders to hell, Belle,
Give them some flack, Jack.
No need to discuss much,
Just get yourself free.
The GB's a mess, Jess,
They're sucking your blood, Jud,
You can't play with your pud, Bud.
Stop being blue, Sue,
Please hear what I say.
Salute that old Flag, Dag,
Get drunk at a wake, Jake,
Sing a Pagan Hymn, Jim,
Get some spiked hair, Jer,
Find a gay pal, Al,
And act really scary, Gary.
Your "Mother" will flee.
Be proud of your nob, Bob,
Dare to act sick, Rick,
Just take her to bed, Fred.
And then you'll be free.
Just write your DA, Ray,
and get a DF, Jeff,
It's no time to play, Jay,
Just do what I say.
Tomorrow's a new day,
So get yourself free.
There must be 50 ways to leave your "Mother." 50 ways to leave your "Mother".....
(Or you could just fade and be really boring!)
Farkel