OK, I couldn't let it lie. I showed my wife some of the Scientific Inaccuracies made by the WTS over the years . My wife was concerned that I have been reading Apostate literature. I assured her I wasn't but I was researching everthing on the net. Her response was that In the same way I am treating the WTS statements with cynacism, so should be with what I read on the internet. She told me that she too knows that some teachings are barmey, but she wants our kids to have a hope and at the moment the Paradise is a hope that they can understand.
I told her that I don't have a problem with that, as long as they are not taught to Demonise other beliefs, including those of Agnostics and Atheist. Her response was what ever they decide to do in the future will be their choice. So I pushed it a little further. I don't want them to curtail associations with school friends or miss out on extra-curricular activities that may interest them. No problem, she didn't have an issue with that.
So I put another scenario to her. If our kids decide that they don't want to attend meetings, when they get older, what your response be? "That would be their choice - I would support them"
OK, that's positive, lets push it to the limit. If one our kids needed a blood transfusion - what then?
"if there is no other option, if their lives were at risk, I would not put there lives ahead of a religious principle"
Wow! I was not expecting that. So where do you draw line?
"I don't believe everthing, but I do believe the general morals taught are right."
She also indicated that she felt the general principles found in the bible are a good basis for our children's moral education.
I then asked what do you think Christ saw in 1919 when he came to inspect his belongings? After a little bit of elaboration of my question, she could see where I was coming from.
Her answer wasd " at least they were willing to change, which is more than other religions".
Not really what I wanted to hear so I tried another line of questioning.
I asked about last Sunday's Watchtower. "Not every single member is ever going to be consulted in any organisation. The authority the GB claims to have, places an awesome responsibility on them before God. If they excercise it in a dictatorial, unloving way, they will have answer to him". Well I couldn't dispute that so I asked whether we have a right to question what they say? "What direction we choose to follow and what we choose to ignore places a personal responsibility on each of us too. If we are uncomfortable with something we should follow our conscience, and like the GB we have to account for our actions before Jehovah"
She pointed out that as a couple, we have never slavishly followed all the directions of the GB, and have never let them interfere with our personal lives (this is true, 21 years of happy marriage, means we have never followed the bedroom laws as laid down by the Wtachtower).
I then told her I will be resigning as an Elder, "Neither of us wanted or expected a position, if feel that your place on the BOE is untennable, then that's what you must do. It would free up time that we could use on other pursuits"
I finished up by stating that she sees things very similarly to me. Her answer was that we will lose a lot if we left (it's almost as if she has read my posts on JWN). One thing she mentioned was that an inheritance from my mother that would go straight to the WTS if we left the troof, (my mother owns quite a few properties, and really would write us and our kids out if we got DF'd or DA'd).
In summary I now know that my wife feels the same way about alot of things as I do. She wants to stay in the organisation though, primarily because of family ties and friendships (and the thought of losing an inheritance - isn't that little avaricious?), but also because she doesn't like the alternative religions. Interestingly, since I have been missing more meetings so is she, and in retrospect she missed loads when the kids were little, was she using them as an excuse?
What I haven't told her yet is I am begining to lose faith in a God, and do not think the bible is inspired. She is still very much a believer in both.
I need to get a copy of Steve Hassan's book and get her to read that. She won't read anything that smacks of apostacy but will read an unbiased academic book.
I don't expect this to be of much interest to anyone else, but writing helps me clarify my thoughts and gives me an opportunity to analyse what appears to be my wife's contradictory statements and thoughts.
Any comments would be welcome.