ex wants to be free to remarry - ugh

by No Apologies 71 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Jim_TX

  Tough call... your decision.

  But! Having been through this myself, I can say that it is THEIR rules. Not yours. You have gotten the divorce - and by LAW you both are free to date other people - and/or remarry.

  I find it ludicrous that the JWs pick and choose which 'laws of the land' that they want to obey. They seem to 'obey' the one about getting married... but ignore the one about getting divorced.

  Anyway... if she is seeing someone - she'll get married to him - regardless - of whether or not she has your 'admission'.

  I say tell her nothing. It's her rules - not yours.

  Plus - if she wants to get married bad enough - she'll use one of their 'asterisk - fine print' clauses - that allow her to do so.

  BTW - I like what others have said about using her rules - against - her - by turning her in to the elders. But... I guess that would be mean. (heh heh heh )

  Regards,

  Jim TX
• 

  blondie

  No Ap, she must feel you have a real reason to give her a basis for a "scriptural" divorce. Since she seems to have no proof, this seems quite presumptuous. What will have if you give a basis regards your family? Is they money worth losing contact with them?
• 

  Bumble Bee

  that it is THEIR rules. Not yours. You have gotten the divorce - and by LAW you both are free to date other people - and/or remarry

  Excellent point Jim!! She is legally free to remarry, that's all you need to tell her.
• 

  jeanniebeanz

  Don't do it. You risk your family connections and you'd only get them back by returning to the witnesses. Besides, there is nothing to say that this woman will ever really marry this other dude, and your payments will continue in spite of any 'letter' until she does. What if she is using you to set herself free, and then dumps this other joker and keeps your money?

  Don't do it.

  J
• 

  undercover

  Farkel hit the nail on the head...you don't have to play by their rules.

  If you don't want to along with this stupid JW ritual, then don't.

  She says that she has no immediate plans, so even if you acquiesce to her request, it doesn't mean she'll get married anytime soon and you'll still be paying alimony.

  I'd let her twist in the wind...
• 

  JWoods

  Confess that you have had either anal or oral sex at some point in your otherwise spotless christian marriage.
• 

  SixofNine

  I'd throw in my 2cents.... but that's what I'm loving about this dilemma, there is nothing clear about it; it's a true moral conundrum. (sorry to be enjoying this at your expense No Apologies - but so few things discussed on this site are such a middle shade of gray).

  But I did just have this thought: since this is a true moral dilemma for you, why should it get to be so cut and dried for her? Might the greatest gift you could give her (or any witness) be to force her to use her own conscience on a real-life make-or-break descision for herself?
• 

  jamiebowers

  You already know what it's like to pay spousal support, but you have no idea what it's like to be df'd. If you get sick and can't work or get laid off or fired from your job, the spousal support will be suspended, but if you get df'd, your family will more than likely never talk to you again.
• 

  SixofNine

  From a purely tactical standpoint, it would seem possible to confess to the elders something to the effect of "I've had this hanging over me, and the ex's asking me about it has just made it worse for my conscience, so I need to get this off my chest. It's to the point that I don't even feel worthy to go to meetings or go out in service. I realize now I need the elder's help..."

  Then tell a story of a one time sexcapade that you've never repeated, but it keeps coming back and haunting your mind (a tear would be nice here).

  badda boom badda bing. You're on restriction, you have "a huge project the next few weeks, but then I'll be back to meetings", you buy your ex flowers in this new guys name, they get married, you stand up with him.... you're home free.
• 

  BurnTheShips

  This thread needs to go in "Best Of"!

  BTS