Toxic Family - Why Are You So Selfish?

by shamus100 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  shamus100

  As I see it, they have the right to discuss the religion as much as they please. However, if they are trying to coerce you into joining or into going back, they have gone beyond that right

  Certainley! As long as it's not discussed with YOU. Now witnesses do not get it very well. It is your responsibility to have none of it - to leave the talk, the hall, the memorial, all of that shit. Never discuss it again with them - you can get your information here or anywhere on the net if you want. i.e. "Oh, dad's car broke down when we were going to the hall". Answer: "You've got to get rid of that old clunker. Oh, did I mention that I'm starting Yoga? I'm so excited" not "oh, did you get a ride to the hall with so and so..." Keep it about YOU, not them. They WILL bait you into a discussion with their pathetic cult lives. Have none of it.

  Writing the letter, letting them know that IF they want a relationship with you, then it is up to THEM to leave all that negative rottenness to their "friends" to discuss. "I want to live my life happily, without negativity, and I will have none of that nonsense in my life. If I choose to get strong enough to attend meetings again, I will. But until then, you must respect my boundaries, or I will initiate boundaries that will result in us not having a relationship with you anymore. " i.e. fader comment.

  It's no different than having an intervention with a person addicted to drugs. These are my boundaries, respect them or you are out of my life like cancer, until you change your life or, in this case, respect my boundaries.

  Boundaries boundaries boundaries. Get them, demand them, and don't talk about their pathetic cult lives, ever. It's abnormal, ridiculous, and socially unacceptable.
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  Jankyn

  Here's my approach (real telephone conversation from this weekend):

  Mom: What are you up to?

  Jankyn: Oh, working way too hard. We've had some more layoffs and everyone is doing the work of three people, plus we've had a lot of people with the flu, but they're afraid of layoffs so they're coming to work...

  Mom: That's one more sign of the end. You know, it's so close. Why, at the meeting last week...

  Jankyn: Yes, Mom, I understand and respect your beliefs, but you know I don't agree. So, have you seen Aunt ---?

  (And every freakin' time she tries it, I use the same line to re-direct. It's tiring, but it's better than being bullied into listening to WT crap. And it allows me to maintain some semblance of a relationship because, well, she's my mom.)
• 

  shamus100

  Jankyn,

  That is what I like to hear. The re-direct! And yes, she is trying to bully you into listening to WT crap.

  Good for you for standing up for yourself. If that's the last thing I ever put on this message board, don't take it sitting down - STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!

  I prefer a harder stance than you take, but what works for me doesn't work for you, and visa versa. But you've gotta be firm - at least as firm as you are.

  And remember: This applies to all negativity in your life, not just dubs. If someone is toxic, get the crap under control before it drags you down. Constantly listening to negative talk must stop at once. (and joining in too)