A twisted Irony and a question ......

by flower 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  flower

  I know ya'll will probably get sick of seeing my name but I hope you understand why I am here so much.

  Anyway, one really ironic thing I was thinking about is that its amazing how much hate I had/have inside of me my whole life. Hate my father, my sister. I have always been angry and hated people. I never really treated people bad but I felt the hatred inside when people were mean to me or I crossed paths with people I didnt like. The ironic thing is now that I am out of the org I am starting to be able to let go of the anger and hatred and negative feelings I have always felt. I've got a long way to go but its amazing that its not until after leaving the org which is supposedly the loving organization who follows christs lead in caring for the flock with love. Everything is love, love, love. But I never felt love from anyone there. EVER EVER EVER. My mother I know loved us growing up and she told me once or twice that she loved me but that was it. Its not until leaving that I see love and release the hate. just thought it was ironic.

  my question has to do with how some of you have dealt with getting back together with old friends and relatives that you were cut off from because you were a witness. i have aunts who left the org when i was very young and cousins and others who i never got to know. even just my three brothers who left the org years ago. i dont know how to even approach them and talk to them again. its something that seems so simple but i'm wondering how you all handled those first conversations?

  flower
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  jayhawk

  I for one am not sick of seein your name on the board. This is how I dealt with making up with my non-JW relatives, which were all of them. I called each of my aunts, and told them I was no longer associated with the JW religion. Then I explained how sorry I was for cutting them off, because that is what the religion taught. After a nice long conversation, I requested to be included in ALL family get-togethers. I no longer cared if a holiday or a birthday was involved, because I explained how much I needed them so I could rebuild my life. I will let your imagination fill in the blanks on my post, but for me the important thing is getting involved in their lives. Your relatives will see if you are trying to become involved in the family, they will get involved in you life. I hope this helps a little.

  "Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford

  Jeremy's Hate Mail Hall Of Fame.
  http://hometown.aol.com/onjehovahside/ and [email protected]
• 

  Lady Lee

  getting back with family - in my case others who left - can be awkward. I needed to feel them out to see where they stood on certain issues. I have some family members who still think the borg has the truth even though they have no idea what goes on there anymore.I have other family members who are very open about their feelings now that they have left.

  With some people I have asked if we could get together but never recieved a response - oh well.

  Most of the time though I took the cautious road to see where they stood - except for one case. I was moving from one province to another and stopped to visit some family. They were having a huge family get-together and invited me to come along. Most were not JW but some were. I knew an uncle and his wife (who I loved and truly missed and I was told both had left recently) would be there but had no idea where they stood on various issues.

  Well when she walked into the room she headed straight for me. I turned around and she grabbed me and gave me the hugest hug. We just fell back onto the sofa behind us and sobbed into each others arms for all the years of silence that could now be broken. Every person in that room - including the JWs were in tears watching us. It was one of those lifetime memory moments that none of us will forget. Well except one person - my mother. She too was overwhelmed but chose to leave the room instead of rejoice in our reunion.

  This aunt was my Matron of Honor this past summer at my wedding.

  My mother did not come. Some things/people will not change
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  TR

  Very good post, Jayhawk.

  Flower,

  I like Jayhawk's method of reconnecting. In my situation, I just started showing up at the fomerly forbidden family functions. Nobody said; "You're a 'hovah, what are YOU doing here?" They all smiled and said; "we're so glad you could come!" Then I would overhear some of them saying; "TR is here. can you believe it?!" Nobody questioned me or gave me the third degree. They simply accepted me, because I wanted to be in their lives again.

  Good luck to you, Flower.

  TR

  I'm gonna make mince meat outta that Osama!
• 

  Billygoat

  Flower,

  I'm not sick of your posts either. You'll be surprised with how sometimes a post is more for your own healing than to get feedback from others. If your posts heal your heart, then have fun with it!

  Anger issues is something that has weighed heavy on my heart for years. I was a pretty happy child growing up with a single father. He was a good daddy - we didn't have much money, but he spent a lot of quality time with me. Cheap things like playing in the park and going for drives in the car. Looking back I've realized that it was when he started studying with the JWs, that he became an angry, strict, bitter man and I became an angry, depressed, rageful child.

  He is still an angry, strict, bitter man and has no idea how different he is. But since leaving the org I have become a much better person. I have learned to let go of anger and bitterness. I still struggle with it at times, but it does not have a hold on me like it used to. Life is so much more enjoyable when you can see your glass is half full instead of half empty. It's a mindset, a choice. I choose to be happy and loving. I choose not to be angry, bitter or hateful anymore. People have much more control over their emotions/decisions/lives than they realize. It's freeing realizing that!

  Andi
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  Pierced Angel

  I'm so happy for you!
  I found that the the witness way of life was full of negative thinking and I'm currently cleansing my life of negativity. It's affecting every part of my life and I'm amazed that I was able to survive so long in the borg. Last meeting I attended I barely made it on time with the two kids, littlest one crying that he was tired and didn't want to go.
  After finding a seat and getting him comfortable with a toy on the floor (while a pioneer sister looked at me with a smug look) I just felt like "what's the use?".
  Then, it seemed every part was about "doing more, study with the kids, personal study, study for hte meetings, service, etc." I felt like I had a giant cement block on my shoulder and I knew I was never going to have it all "together".
  The scripture where Jesus says that his load is light came to mind and I knew that this didn't feel light, it felt suffocating to me. I never went back and about 4 months later I disassociated myself. During that time only one friend from the hall bothered to check and make sure I was "ok". So, I figured all those friends were "conditional" anyway, so it made it even easier to leave.
  I can't believe I gave up any plans for college, didn't go to the plays or dances and missed out on visiting my other relatives as much as I should have. It's hard, but I'm reestablishing contact with them. And you know what? They are showing unconditional love even though my family snubbed them all these years. Now that's what I call real christians.
  Good luck to you on your journey. You will go through some grief and anger on the way, but think of it as a cleansing of the spirit.

  Anne
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  Adonai438

  For me it was weird-- espeacially since my non-JW family are knid of messed up just as bad as my JW family. I apologized to everyone I called a lier and and talked about behind their back. I apologized for judging them and being mean when I have no authority to judge anyone. It stunned them to hear me admit I was wrong because I am a tad pridful in that area :) They accepted my apologies and now we are OK.
  -- The still JW family I think was actually harder for me to work with. They felt 'betrayed' by me when I decided to become a Christian instead. This hurt them so bad they wouldn't talk to me for 6 years. They do now- very carefully but I just show them unconditional love and hope it will melt their frozen hearts and maybe show them the truth by the example of what God has done in my life since. Good luck and the True Lord be with you :) <><
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  radiolady

  Dear Flower;
  I would love to email you but your email is restricted, please look up my profile and send me and email. I was really angry too, for a long time and at times still find myself gettin' "tuned up" whenever I really start thinking and remembering. And especially when it comes to my daughter and how my ex-husband treated and still treats her. (See my story under "new board member from Minnesota" in Personal Experiences). I was so angry the whole time in that organization that it made me clinically depressed and I ended up in the hospital three times a month at a time EACH TIME! Which of course they blamed on me and my thinking. I have found that anger and depression (which is anger turned inward), runs rampant in that organization. So, not only am I dealing with my own healing, my daughter is going through her own healing. Her father treats her like a non-entity, like she doesn't exist.
  Radiolady
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  outnfree

  Dear Flower,

  I, too, am working to get past the angry and into the love... Being a JW made one so damn judgmental (or else made one the recipient of judgment by supercilious, sneering, self-righteous ones)!!!

  But I have to happily report that my non-JW relatives (that would be ALL of them, including in-laws) were so gracious and so happy that I was no longer in that cult, that it made my apologies (and I DID, too, apologize and try to explain) easy to make.

  My biggest fear was how the friend that had been DF'd (and whom I had dutifully ignored) would receive me: but we literally fell into each others arms with much weeping and tears of joy at being reunited.

  May it go well with you and your loved ones, too!

  Welcome to the Board!

  outnfree

  When the truth is found to be lies
  and all the joy within you dies ... -- Darby Slick, Somebody to Love
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  Mulan

  I think you might be surprised at how they will welcome you. My brother was disfellowshipped 15 years before I called him one day, back in 1995, to tell him where I was "spiritually". He is 6 years older than I am, but we were very close anyway. It was a real void in both of our lives, but he was resigned to our separation all those years. When I called him, he immediately wanted to get together, and we just picked up where we had left off, all those years before. The sad thing is that our kids missed their entire teen and young adult years together, but we are all making up for that lost time, now.

  Don't wait too long.

  Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)