Please bear with me, newbie here :)
I have had doubts for a few years now. I was raised in the truth, baptised at 16, married at 24...the usual stuff. My marriage was quite hellish to be honest, and then the unthinkable happened, my husband left me with 2 children over a year ago now. As far as the elders tell me, he still attends meetings etc - in another country.
Now, besides it being a horrid year or so, Ive been fighting inner turmoil regards the truth. When husband left, the elders and cong were so helpful and nice. I appreciate all they did to help me. However, I have not been regular at meetings for months now, and have had no shepherding calls. Ive been out witnessing twice in a year. My parents and sister are baptised witnesses. My brother is inactive and living with his fiance.
This is my dilemma and where I wonder how on the fence I am. I doubt the truth is the truth sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if theres a god, HOW could there be? But then how did the earth come about? Being a JW gives us logical explanation for creation etc. BUT, how can every other religion be wrong? How come WE have the truth? Why JW's? And then, IF the end does come, and my jerk off husband makes it through....I dont want him getting our kids, because he's not bothered to contact us at all in over a year. So if I were to die at armageddon, if it came, I wouldnt want my kids going to him. Lol....sound silly? Sorry. I just worry.
Then even if I leave the truth, my parents and sister wont be able to talk to me, yet they are SO much a part of my life. I guess the only thing keeping me 'in' at the moment is 1 - not losing my family and 2 - not letting my ex have the upper hand! If I leave, he can play the 'she isnt a witness' card.
Help please! I need to sort these thoughts out :( And if I talk to my parents about it, they'll only fret. They have lost one child to the world already and dont want to lose another....