On spanking your children...

by HintOfLime 19 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  HintOfLime

  I posted about this on my own website, but I'd like to get thoughts here as well, since JW's are big proponents of the 'violence is the answer' side of this debate.

  New research is suggesting that spanking children may result in lowered IQ's. (LA Times Article) One hypothosis I've read elsewhere as to why this may be is because when faced with an unexpected result (the glass broke) the non-spanked child wonders why the glass broke and how much abuse a glass can take before breaking (essentually, the problem-solving/scientific parts of the mind find the unexpected result interesting, and want to learn more). The spanked child immediately enters fear mode - he's in trouble, his parents will be dealing him pain soon. For a simple $1 mistake one child becomes curious, and the other is struck with fear and anxiety.

  I know for myself as a child, I feared my dad. Mom didn't have the heart to do it sometimes, but she was good at exaggerating the situation and assigning evil/destructive motives to us - and then my dad would beat us.

  Sure doesn't seem very nice to me, and worse, it entitles people who don't have suffient judement as to how much is too much to go on their marry way. My dad tried to be just - but that doesn't mean that he didn't leave marks on my brother or I more than a few times.

  Is violence really an acceptable answer for parents? Or is it a long-term solution (lower IQ, less expressive/creative, anxious fearful child) for a short-term problem (not wanting to sit still for boring religious lectures)? Are children that weren't spanked growing up to be killers?

  - Lime

  (I'm not a parent, just an idealist that gets annoyed when I see my sister attack her quiet, generally well-mannered kid out of anger becuase he did something a little ignorant. Hey, the bible says she should, right?)
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  megs

  I question the validity of IQ tests, they are typically geared to the "middle class", there have been studies correlating "spanking" with educational and socio-economic status, therefore IQ might not be the result of spanking, although there is an obvious correlation.
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  palmtree67

  My kids got "swatted" on their bottoms a few times. But I never spanked them, and for different reasons. My son was a very sensitive child. A good talking to, and he got the point, felt bad and understood how to correct a problem. No point in spanking him - a spanking would have crushed him. My daughter, you could beat that child senseless and it would mean nothing to her - only would make her scream louder and longer. No point in spanking her, either.

  That's my 2cents.
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  HintOfLime

  palmtree: My parents admit I was a lot like your son - I never really needed to be spanked, I was smart, and simply discussing things with me was almost always enough. However, if my brother or sister were around according to them they had to 'spank me anyway', otherwise my siblings (my brother was hyperactive, and constantly challenged my parents on everything) would cry fowl - why didn't HE get spanked?

  So, they admit now, I got a lot more than I needed, because they had to maintain the atmosphere of 'fairness'. :/ So, I received violence and pain because my brother and sister 'needed to see me get it'. That is pretty jacked up if you ask me.

  - Lime
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  palmtree67

  Hi Lime,

  My kids were 7 years apart so "fairness" was never really an issue - too much of an age gap for them to even notice they were treated differently in different situations. They are both really good kids, but very different personalities.

  When my son was little, I used to see people at the K-Hall with out-of-control kids and think, "Why don't they just spank that kid?", cus mine was sitting there like a little angel. I was so stinkin' smart....

  Then I had my daughter........she quickly brought me into the land of reality. I had to have 2 TOTALLY different parenting and disciplinary styles. It was a challenge.
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  Joshnaz

  I was raised on spankings, I don't know of any other way. I have a 2 year old that sometimes just won't listen. What else can you do that works? He's a pretty tough kid. I mean he's not sensitive or nothing. I can talk to him sometimes and he will listen but when he's with momma while I'm at work if she doesn't spank him he walks all over her. I'd love to hear some advise that works.
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  cognac

  I'm am EXTREMELY against spanking in my own household. Everyone says I'm going to spoil my child but I believe that they are wrong. I was also told that my child wouldn't sleep through the night or self sooth if I didn't let her cry it out. I refused to let her cry it out and used my own (in my eyes) a much more nurturing, loving method. I have a baby that has slept through the night at 2 1/2 months and has put herself to sleep at about 3 months or so. I believe this is because she goes to sleep content and happy...

  I will discipline consistantly, but I will not spank.

  Joshnaz - You could do other things besides spanking. Google "attached parent forum". That will give you a lot of ideas on how to deal with a toddler besides spanking.
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  Blue Grass

  Joshnaz says "I have a 2 year old... he's a pretty tough kid".

  I was waiting for you say he could take a punch too. There's nothing more soothing than reading about a grown man physical assaulting a defenseless two year old. "Men" (I put men in parentheses because I'm using the term loosely here) like you are second only to child molesters on my scum meter. It's "men" like you who are quick to beat women and two year olds but scared to death of hitting a man. I guarantee you would never hit a man like you hit that two year old because deep down inside you're a little sissy and don't have the balls. If I was to ever see you hit a two year old in public, first I'd kick your ass and than I would call the police and than you would receive a more violent possibly fatal ass kicking in prison.
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  cognac

  Josh - when you say "spank" what exactly do you mean by that? How hard do you spank? Does it leave a red mark? Where do you spank? Are you mad when you spank?

  Bluegrass - Some say spank when really it's a small tap that doesn't hurt the child. Hopefully, that's all he means by spanking. But even at that, isn't 2 a little young?
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  mrsjones5

  I have spanked my kids...happened rarely and now hardly ever. Don't feel the need to. I can get my point across by other means. I used to get whooped (means spanking in the black community, doesn't mean whipped) when I was a child, most times I deserved it, sometimes I felt my mother went overboard. But what I hated the most was the punishments of losing privileges (like going outside to play). My siblings hated it too and we would ask for a whooping because in our minds it was quicker.