Emptyinside, even though I have not been in your exact situation, I do understand. I thought to myself several years ago, I could never do this single, then I thought why do it married then. Out of all those "happy" people you see sitting at the assembly, many of them are totally miserable, not everything is as it seems. It is really tough being single in that organisation, especially for a woman. If you are thinking of making a change in your life (getting out) at least it's just you and you don't have the worry of a spouse, and does he feel the same way. For now, I agree with other posters that encouraged you to find fulfillment in other area of you life like your career, or try taking a class. Make sure you are not clinically depressed, go see your doctor for a physical. Tell him about what your lifestyle is like, I was so surprised at how understanding when I told my physician what was going on. I really hope you stay on this site so that you gain some perspective, it was here that I realised I wasn't crazy and came to grips with the decision to leave. I hope you find peace. Welcome. NMKA
Just worn out
by EmptyInside 56 Replies latest jw friends
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musky
Emptyinside, I think sometimes when we are single we think of only how great it would be to be married. And when we are married,we think only of how great the single days were.Not that marriage is necessarily bad. Marriage just brings a whole lot of new challenges with it. Handling money as a team,etc. Having kids is a huge challenge. It seems that there is no more time for yourself.It is a whole life change, going from single to married. What you see at the conventions are married families putting on their best game faces. It is hard to picture what goes on with some families when they are at home and all the challenges they are faced with. Maybe it is that"ideal" situation you see at the conventions that is upsetting you? I would suggest that you find happiness in being single.Stop worrying about being married. If and when you get married you may find yourself longing for all the freedoms you had when you were single. We sometimes have a tendency to look at only the good in others situations,and only the bad in our own. I don't know why that is. I think you need to be happy in your current situation, or you will never be happy being married. Marriage is not a fix all for making us feel better inside. In fact, it can be even tougher. You said you cried after the convention for 2 weeks? That would suggest to me that you might think about seeing someone who could help find out if you have depression or a similar condition. Sometimes the proper prescription can help to deal with those bad feelings and make you feel good no matter if you are single or married. I am no doctor.My comments are just my 2 cents. I hope things get better for you. And you enjoy and find great happiness in your future!
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angel eyes
your not unloved :)) welcome :)
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DaCheech
I empathize with you, I too (even though a male and such) went to many assemblies trying to find a girl
What I found out was that many of the "worthy ones" only wanted: elders, CO's, bethellites.
I almost got depressed over it.
many assemblies would come and go. in the worldly scene I would have many opportunities, but the sistas would ignore me.
gotta have faith in Jah, I re-found an old friend (my wife) wich was is the same situation and we got married.
people in da troof, are more picky and stupid than the world. all the good ones walk with their noses up high. the rest become homely and desparate (don't take it personally, remember I know what you're going thru and would never want to go back)
either live with the fact that da boys have labeled you, or go and find someone outside of the troof
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JWdaughter
Next time you go to the convention, pay attention to how squirmy the kids are, how exhausted the mothers are and how cranky and fussy everyone is as they leave the assembly-worse every day as it gets to Sunday afternoon.
Then consider if what you want is a JW family that looks happy or just a real family that IS happy? You are young, you have time for a family. You need to decide what it is that you want for your LIFE-because your actual faith should not have anything to do with the appearance of a 'happy family' at the convention. The conventions are the JW equivalent of Easter Sunday and Christmas Mass. Only longer, more exhausting and more expensive.
Life has not passed you by. But it can if you just keep on in suffocation mode. I don't know what you do for a living, but step outside of your JW circle and see what there is. Not men-Life! It's pretty big and wonderful and not any more wicked than you make it(as you can only control your own life). There is a lot of stuff that an elder may not quite approve of, but yet can't reprove you for. Vounteer, join some clubs that interest you. Step outside of that prickly little WT box and see how much fun you can have that isn't sinful, or unchristian(by anyone's standard).
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Quandry
Welcome!
I had a child in my mid thirties. All is not lost!
You do need to get out more. Perhaps do some traveling. Volunteer in an organization. Just meet more people, whether JWs or not.
Have you completed your education? Think about going back to school if you have not. I know the Governing Body frowns on education, but guess who sends their children to college? Yep, the elders. It could be a real boost to your self esteem, and give you a focus other than the fix you see yourself in at present. You might also meet new people there, also.
Don't let anyone suck the life out of you. Get back in the game. We are rooting for you!!!
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jeanniebeanz
I agree with Quandry. Taking a class at a local community college in something that interests you is not only refreshing and very inexpensive, but puts you in contact with others who have similar interests. If you make it a liberal arts class like a theatre or art class, you are likely to see a wide variety of ages and backgrounds, male and female. Instead of focusing on finding a partner, focus on finding a group of people who like what you do... friendships are rewarding in themselves, but they often lead to meeting someone you will adore and vice-versa.
J
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wantstoleave
Yes, definitely take a look at all the moms stressed out...lol. Its true...its very hard working being married, and then if you have children, just getting to an assembly is a feat! Im glad I wasnt the only one who brought out that not all is as it seems, that sometimes people just put on a happy face. I know only too well how tiring that can be. Trust me, and all those who've said the same....don't rush into marriage, dont focus on the 'being single' part. Im sure there are alot of married sisters wishing they were in your shoes :)
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EmptyInside
Thank you again for all of your advice and comments. And don't worry, I don't intend to get married, just to be married. If that were the case, I'd already be married. And I realize, two people need more than being Witnesses to make it work. I have seen it in my own family how that doesn't work. And it doesn't bother me all the time. But, like I mentioned, conventions are really hard. And I go through times when I just worry that this is it. That I'm afraid that I may be alone the rest of my life. Yes, there are worse things. But, I must confess, deep down inside, I need the validation that someone things I'm worth it. I'm old enough to know that marriage is not some big romantic party. But, just someone to share the up and downs of this life would be nice. And the reason I posted that here is that if the truth isn't the truth, then the consolation that if I can't have that now in this world then, well, I will find someone in the paradise earth. Well, then, that will never be. If I looked for a partner among, non-Witnesses, ( I don't use the term worldly anymore), I could be married and happy right now. Then, I worry too, that I'm not worthy to survive the end of this world, and I miss out on ever having the chance to live my life to the fullest. I hope I have explained my feeling well. And to earlier posters. I do make sure I get out of the JW box at times. I love animals so I volunteer at an animal shelter. Which I find refreshing. And I have my first non-Witness friend, and I think he's the most wonderful guy ever. But, that's another story. Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts on the matter, and the good advice.
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Chalam
Hello empty and welcome aboard!
Matthew 11:28-30 (New International Version)
28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
All the best, Stephen