This Fading Stuff is Tough!!

by lepermessiah 11 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  lepermessiah

  Overall my fade is going very well, but yesterday it really hit me that certain "milestones" are going to be more difficult than others.

  I have basically gotten down to one meeting a week, wth no field service.

  This despite the dreaded admonition "One week without field service makes one weak! " (PUKE)

  As I was on the way to the meeting yesterday, I was informed that I was assigned to read the WT. My mood instantly changed, as noticed by my wife when I yelled "AW BALLS" when I received the call. I thought it would be easier to just go ahead and do the reading and mark one more thing on my agenda to address at a later time. Overall, I have been left alone, which is a great feeling. However, we are so low on men at the congregation, that they are desperate for help. I havent turned in a time slip for months, barely attend the meetings, and here I am getting "privileges" LOL That comes from my previous reputation and level of responsibility at this point I am sure.

  Anyway, the most difficult part for me was when i was reading the article, and my conscience started BOTHERING me for allowing myself to read this from the platform! There was one paragraph in particular that spoke of Jesus blasting the Pharasees in his day, calling them hypocrites and whitewashed graves. I could hear my voice raise in anger as I was reading, because i wanted to comment and say "YES, and this situation exists right here in our time as well, especially by the men who produce this magazine!!!!"

  I guess I am finding it harder to sit there and stomach that stuff The WT study is the worst for me now, because I dissect every little point and the study is SO BORING. I really wish they would pare that thing down to 1/2 hour so that I could get out of there faster at this point.
• 

  leavingwt

  It sounds as if your days are numbered.
• 

  BorgHater

  'AW BALLS' lol that made me laugh so much!

  But seriously, it's a horrible position your are in, i really feel for you. Trust me though, it will be worth it in the end when you are finally free. You will look back at this time and it will hopefully be just a distant memory, and you will be enjoying your life the way you should. I don't know your story or your reasons for fading rather than DA'ing but hang in there, lepermessiah

  BorgHater x
• 

  Alligator Wisdom

  What's your wife's feeling on your attempted fade?

  That can be a factor for some.

  Alligator Wisdom (aka Brother NOT Exerting Vigorously)
• 

  lepermessiah

  What's your wife's feeling on your attempted fade?

  She is taking it pretty hard, but she has been supportive of me since I have been very clear with my feelings.She knows that I care a great deal about people, I take my Christian morals very seriously, and that I have been repeatedly let down by those in the congregation, particularly elders who act more like Pharasees.

  I have been telling her that it has nothing to do with my feelings toward her, but I have no respect for the organization at this point. I love her, and I want our marriage to work. We get along great, but there is always the elephant in the room. I discuss it regularly since I do not want it to be that way all the time. She knows that I have very strong opinions about a number of organizational policies, which have caused me to question EVERYTHING regarding this faith.

  I told her I am tired of being depressed, anxious and frustrated by an organization that I feel is unloving and totally hypocritical. She doesnt see that, since she points out all of the kind people in the congregation. I told her that I still love many of those same people and find them to be outstanding human beings. However, as Ray Franz said, I tell her that I felt repeatedly let down by the majority of those in authority because they lack essential qualities. I think Ray said it best:

  "While producing people who were outwardly moral, they subverted the essential

  qualities of humility, compassion and mercy."

  Without those qualities, there is NO Christianity. I am sick of seeing people give parts, put in their time in the ministry by peddling literature, and be considered good Christians, when they treat people like crap.
• 

  HappyDad

  Wow! When I read this part: ".........people give parts, put in their time in the ministry by peddling literature, and be considered good Christians, when they treat people like crap." it reminded me of my feelings 10 or so years ago. I know I said almost the exact same thing.

  Hoping your fade continues well and that your wife eventually sees through the org. as well.

  HappyDad
• 

  bluecanary

  You know what makes me mad here? That a guy like you that makes one meeting a week and no FS and you STILL get privileges. I worked my ass off for this #*@($! publishing company and I couldn't even friggin' comment! The double standard is unbelievable.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  It is surprising that they still have you read at the WT meeting when you don't turn in field circus.
  I highly recommend one of two paths, either start missing Sunday meetings or just stop going.

  Since your wife is having some trouble with it, it really doesn't matter which way you go. The continued fade might help you to avoid "shepherding visits" from the elders but I doubt it. If they are so short, it might work to just skip one out of 3 or 4 Sunday meetings then kick it up after a few months to half of them.

  I say this because you have reached a boiling point- you boil when you read this stuff. People told me to just walk away and I resisted. I wasn't sorry when I finally stopped, and wished I stopped sooner.
• 

  undercover

  Anyway, the most difficult part for me was when i was reading the article, and my conscience started BOTHERING me for allowing myself to read this from the platform!

  Don't worry about that too much. No one's really paying attention. They're mostly zoned out or asleep.

  But I do empathize with you on finding it harder and harder to sit there and stomach the crap. There comes a time when you'll just quit and never go back, even if it brings some attention. One or two sheparding calls that you BS your way through is less painful than meeting after meeting, week after week.
• 

  Chalam

  There was one paragraph in particular that spoke of Jesus blasting the Pharasees in his day, calling them hypocrites and whitewashed graves. I could hear my voice raise in anger as I was reading, because i wanted to comment and say "YES, and this situation exists right here in our time as well, especially by the men who produce this magazine!!!!"

  Awesome! That is the voice of the Holy Spirit. You need to listen to Him.

  Fading seems like a good option but the trouble is you are not free, you are still bound and captive by the WT, unable to speak your mind or follow your conscience.

  All the best,

  Stephen