When you have elders have to explain why a beloved elder was no longer an elder, while the @$$hole elder stuck around, or go to a brother reaching out and has averaged 10 hours a month for a year and explain that you need to see it a bit longer, while another idiot is appointed, etc, it can get to you.
The evidence was always there. It shows how honest a JW is if they can at least admit to themselves that it goes on.