ethical question - maybe you can help

by besty 42 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  besty

  a friend will tell a person what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. At that point, you know what kind of potential friend you may have.

  yes in principle - although it may not be 'at that point' - it may take time for them to see the wisdom of our wise words :-) meanwhile the friend waits and watches. Just to mention this is not a potential friend, but a real friend.

  Some here have mentioned they wouldn't want a former JW as a friend at first.

  Idiots - like I wouldn't want a former human as a friend.
• 

  Satanus

  It looks like you have it all clearly in mind, already. I'm sure that you will do the right thing.

  S
• 

  penny2

  The good ones inside the WTS will be heartbroken and crying out to assist but are trapped in a prison of silence.

  That's a good way of describing it. You, being out, are free to go with your heart.

  Kindness is all that matters in the end.

  penny
• 

  Georgiegirl

  Wavvy said exactly what I thought...you don't know the circumstances and in a JW mindset, this person may very well have felt that this was the only way out. Perhaps the trauma and disconnecting from marriage, family, friends may help them open their minds as well. I would be supportive - you can always have a heart to heart talk LATER if you feel you need to extricate. To cut a person off without knowing all of the cirumstances is just as judgmental and unloving as WTS shunning (IMHO). If, as time goes on, your personal feelings and ethics tell you that you need to end the friendship and support, that's fine. But to not offer it simply because there was adultery - well...with JWs, you just never know WHY. (you might, hypothetically, know why and so that would certain change things - I'm generalizing).
• 

  Georgiegirl

  Wavvy said exactly what I thought...you don't know the circumstances and in a JW mindset, this person may very well have felt that this was the only way out. Perhaps the trauma and disconnecting from marriage, family, friends may help them open their minds as well. I would be supportive - you can always have a heart to heart talk LATER if you feel you need to extricate. To cut a person off without knowing all of the cirumstances is just as judgmental and unloving as WTS shunning (IMHO). If, as time goes on, your personal feelings and ethics tell you that you need to end the friendship and support, that's fine. But to not offer it simply because there was adultery - well...with JWs, you just never know WHY. (you might, hypothetically, know why and so that would certain change things - I'm generalizing).
• 

  sweet pea

  It takes a lot of humility for a previous friend to contact you once they have shunned you.

  From my experience so far, friends previously shunning me who have decided to make contact were nervous about how I would react - almost expecting me to give them the cold shoulder.

  However all our previous friends who are still in, are trapped in a mental prison. If they contact us, they've escaped somehow and need help in adjusting to 'normal' life. If they are still somewhat mentally trapped, i.e. still believe it's the 'truth', then they need treating with kid gloves - it takes time to come to a realisation that they've been sold a bundle of lies.

  2/3 of friends who have been in touch realise they've been in a cult only after a considerable amount of reasoning and time. Why should this situation be any different?

  And, another thing - if they openly want to be your friend on facebook having shunned you because they view you as a 'dangerous apostate' - something radical has happened in their life.
• 

  besty

  thanks for all the comments - I have to say OTWO was most helpful, ATJ talks sense as always.

  Lets see if the hypothetical becomes reality.
• 

  MissingLink

  Its tough. While leaving and giving up the crap, we are especially careful that we don't throw away our morals and go too far. It's good that you're thinking it through.

  Personally I'm very reluctant to judge other people right now. I will draw a line of what I would or would not accept as a friend. But that line is pretty blurry, and I'd err on the side of compassion. If I thought they really did have bad morals and would be a negative influence on my kids, then I'd have to cut them off. But these situations are often more "gray" than that. My wife was recently in contact with an old friend who had cheated on her husband. They are divorced, and she recently got DF. We've been friends with the ex-husband (ex-bethelite well out of the WT), and now she's reconnecting with his ex-wife. It is a bit of an awkward situation, but everyone involved is moving on and recovering from the cult nonsense. You might ask her how she felt about it.

  From what I'm hearing, I think you and Sam would regret it if you didn't at least give them a chance and hear them out. But you might want to not get too attached in case they're only out temporarily.
• 

  jookbeard

  Besty, anyone I might know?
• 

  besty

  thanks ML - we are pretty resilient <now> and if we were temporarily used <up to 77 times> we wouldn't take it personally.

  it does raise some interesting issues though right?