So, Was Your Life RUINED Because You Were A JW?

by minimus 46 Replies latest jw friends

coffee_black

Not ruined.... more like stunted...but I'm making up for lost time now!
Coffee
bluecanary

Being a JW prevented me from having my ideal life. Of course, if I wasn't a JW, something else may have prevented me from having my ideal life. And not having my ideal life, does not mean that I will not still have a decent life.
Satanus

Hard to say. It's more like a 'missed' this life. I woke up to find myself in my 40's, and no life. I'm still waking up. Hope i get fully awake, before i die.
S
jamiebowers

No, but it damn near killed me and would've if I had listened to the elders and stayed with an abusive jw huband.
Hiding Questioner


My answer would have to be more yes than no. I will answer by responding to some of the earlier posts...
"To know whether your life is yet ruined you have to be looking back at it" and "I think the longer you are in the Org, the more ruined your life becomes." Well, after 40+ years associated with the JWs and in my mid 50s, unlike others, I am in a very good position to reflect back with a "yes" answer. So I can respond to..."Life ruined? That's a good question to ask those stuck in victimhood." Yes, I have learned that the longer you are in and the more decisions you make based on WT dogma the more likely you are creating a path for yourself leading to either ruin or frustration or both.
Part of my "ruin" stems from my mind controlled reaction to JW dogma and the judgemental conduct of those JWs who were supposed to love me that made me feel worthless and guilty "for things I should never have felt guilty about." And the WT's and, as a result, elders' constant obsession with everything sexual makes both JW genders constantly wondering if and when a thought or action has crossed some imaginary sexual line, while other JWs get there jollies  watching to see if you have or may soon cross their imaginary sexual lines. This makes for a very sick atmosphere.
"As a result of being a JW I made same poor choices." Here are my JW-inspired "poor choices" and the various ruinous results....
.
1) My parents encouraged me (and I agreed) to quit high school (believe it or not) because Armageddon was coming. Fortunately, later, by ignoring "the rules", I got enough education and training to sustain a viable career, but it's been very difficult.
2) "I spent 40 years serving The Watchtower in the belief that I was serving God..During that time, of course you make life choices on the basis that the world is soon to end and your whole focus has to be on the New World." My parents encouraged me to take the JW mind-set that everything in life was temporary. Thus I made poor choices based on the encouraged notion that what problems I might encounter were only for a short period of time, as my mother keep saying to me "just wait 1 more year and we will all be in paradise."
3) Further, this mind set gave me license to not plan for a retirement or invest even though looking back I could have made many wise investments. Now, today I wonder and fear about my future as I enter retirement age without the funds to support me and my wife.
4) I stayed a virgin until I married "in the lord" and I (we?) were happy. I did my best to please my wife, played by all the "rules" but then this happened..."My son put it best when he said "one day everything was normal and we were happy and the next day everything was different." Sadly he's right." ...yes, all my dreams and aspirations vanished in one week when the elders took it upon themselves to destroy any hope of maintaining my home and marriage by helping my JW wife prove that I was unfaithful on a business trip. I quickly learned that, in the JW "world", in that "next day" you are no longer a "brother" but a suspect that is guilty until proven innocent. From that point on (and with the help of elders) I lost my wife, house, car, dog, friends, extended family and reputation.
5) Then I learned I was "...in a religion who just doesn't want to deal with such ugly truths and have no idea how to help victims and their families (so they do nothing)." And so it took "worldly friends" and another church for me to get the help I needed in dealing with this trauma.
6) Yet even after this event, stupid me tried to play by the JW rules by trying to remarry "only in the lord". Try doing that when you are constantly reminded "that you aren't sciptually free" This led to my next poor decision...
7) My normal sexual needs led me to have sex outside of marriage to a sister I would not have otherwise married. My JW brain made every excuse to justify marrying her but the truth is; I did not want to be DFed. And, I used the logic (believe it or not) that in the "New System" we would all be perfect again in body to mask the fact that I really was not attracted to my soon to be new JW wife.
8) As a result, with the old and new marriage, I have no children even though, as a child, I promised myself a family with a son. Now with no offspring and siblings with males my family tree and name will forever end with my death.
9) "My life...is ruined because my wife is a staunch JW. There is no way she will ever give it up". Now I am trapped in a hypocrital world of me being a fake JW while I agonize over the "truth" found on this forum respecting "Silent Lambs", hush money paid, UN membership, DFin people to keep them silent and the past "sins" of Mexico and Malawi. And, now the ever expanding worship of the GB!!! But I can't say anything to my wife as, not only would she not believe, but it would crush her if this was really not the Truth and I can't bear the thought of doing that to her. So, I remain silent and follow this advise..."If I stay, I'm unhappy with the religion and pretend to be remotely interested, but I do get to enjoy my family every day."
All these years of expereince lead me to this same result..."This lead us to question everything and lead me to the internet." Thank God for the internet and this forum, where I can really say what I think..and that you for listening!
So, having said all this I do agree with... "I think overcoming the JW handicap as made me a far better person. Now am at the point where I actually feel empowered because I am [trying to be] an ex-JW" and yes I do have "Some nice habits [that] came out of it"
HQ
My life isn't ruined because I am/was a JW; it IS ruined because my wife is a staunch JW.
Hiding Questioner

Sorry all. PLEASE IGNORE MY POST. I don't know what happened. I will try again. Again SORRY
HQ
Hiding Questioner

All, this should be much easier to read. Again, sorry!
My answer would have to be more yes than no. I will answer by responding to some of the earlier posts...
"To know whether your life is yet ruined you have to be looking back at it" and "I think the longer you are in the Org, the more ruined your life becomes." Well, after 40+ years associated with the JWs and in my mid 50s, unlike others, I am in a very good position to reflect back with a "yes" answer. So I can respond to..."Life ruined? That's a good question to ask those stuck in victimhood." Yes, I have learned that the longer you are in and the more decisions you make based on WT dogma the more likely you are creating a path for yourself leading to either ruin or frustration or both.
Part of my "ruin" stems from my mind controlled reaction to JW dogma and the judgemental conduct of those JWs who were supposed to love me that made me feel worthless and guilty "for things I should never have felt guilty about." And the WT's and, as a result, elders' constant obsession with everything sexual makes both JW genders constantly wondering if and when a thought or action has crossed some imaginary sexual line, while other JWs get there jollies watching to see if you have or may soon cross their imaginary sexual lines. This makes for a very sick atmosphere.
"As a result of being a JW I made same poor choices." Here are my JW-inspired "poor choices" and the various ruinous results....
.
1) My parents encouraged me (and I agreed) to quit high school (believe it or not) because Armageddon was coming. Fortunately, later, by ignoring "the rules", I got enough education and training to sustain a viable career, but it's been very difficult.
2) "I spent 40 years serving The Watchtower in the belief that I was serving God..During that time, of course you make life choices on the basis that the world is soon to end and your whole focus has to be on the New World." My parents encouraged me to take the JW mind-set that everything in life was temporary. Thus I made poor choices based on the encouraged notion that what problems I might encounter were only for a short period of time, as my mother keep saying to me "just wait 1 more year and we will all be in paradise."
3) Further, this mind set gave me license to not plan for a retirement or invest even though looking back I could have made many wise investments. Now, today I wonder and fear about my future as I enter retirement age without the funds to support me and my wife.
4) I stayed a virgin until I married "in the lord" and I (we?) were happy. I did my best to please my wife, played by all the "rules" but then this happened..."My son put it best when he said "one day everything was normal and we were happy and the next day everything was different." Sadly he's right." ...yes, all my dreams and aspirations vanished in one week when the elders took it upon themselves to destroy any hope of maintaining my home and marriage by helping my JW wife prove that I was unfaithful on a business trip. I quickly learned that, in the JW "world", in that "next day" you are no longer a "brother" but a suspect that is guilty until proven innocent. From that point on (and with the help of elders) I lost my wife, house, car, dog, friends, extended family and reputation.
5) Then I learned I was "...in a religion who just doesn't want to deal with such ugly truths and have no idea how to help victims and their families (so they do nothing)." And so it took "worldly friends" and another church for me to get the help I needed in dealing with this trauma.
6) Yet even after this event, stupid me tried to play by the JW rules by trying to remarry "only in the lord". Try doing that when you are constantly reminded "that you aren't scriptually free" This led to my next poor decision...
7) My normal sexual needs led me to have sex outside of marriage to a sister I would not have otherwise married. My JW brain made every excuse to justify marrying her but the truth is; I did not want to be DFed. And, I used the logic (believe it or not) that in the "New System" we would all be perfect again in body to mask the fact that I really was not attracted to my soon to be new JW wife.
8) As a result, with the old and new marriage, I have no children even though, as a child, I promised myself a family with a son. Now with no offspring and siblings with males my family tree and name will forever end with my death.
9) "My life...is ruined because my wife is a staunch JW. There is no way she will ever give it up". Now I am trapped in a hypocrital world of me being a fake JW while I agonize over the "truth" found on this forum respecting "Silent Lambs", hush money paid, UN membership, DFin people to keep them silent and the past "sins" of Mexico and Malawi. And, now the ever expanding worship of the GB!!! But I can't say anything to my wife as, not only would she not believe, but it would crush her if this was really not the Truth and I can't bear the thought of doing that to her. So, I remain silent and follow this advise..."If I stay, I'm unhappy with the religion and pretend to be remotely interested, but I do get to enjoy my family every day."
All these years of expereince lead me to this same result..."This lead us to question everything and lead me to the internet." Thank God for the internet and this forum, where I can really say what I think..and that you for listening!
So, having said all this I do agree with... "I think overcoming the JW handicap as made me a far better person. Now am at the point where I actually feel empowered because I am [trying to be] an ex-JW" and yes I do have "Some nice habits [that] came out of it"
HQ
Balsam

I can't say it ruined my life because my life is good now. It did put me through some hellish situations especially near the time when I left. It caused hardships for my sons which they still feel bitter about. I believe it taught me thing about high control religions and now I warn others and try to educate the public about them. The blood policy of the JW is one that is dangerous to those who believe in it.
misguided

Yes...definately! Sexually abused by 3 JWs, including 1 elder as a teen and then (due to the 2-witness rule and thinking that Jehovah fixes everything in due time...) feeling like an idiot when I turned each and every one of them in to the elders...Yet nothing seemed to ever be done...I started to believe I was crazy...so glad to be free!
Gayle

We all have bled,
we all have pained,
oozed,
scabbed,
some scabs reopen sometimes
some have turned to scars, thus healed
With our scars, still remain the memories.

So, Was Your Life RUINED Because You Were A JW?

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