Did any of you ever feel so sad a depressed in field service

by life is to short 30 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • life is to short
    life is to short

    I used to go out in service and I always felt not wanted. I would meet for service and if they could they would send me home, no one wanted me with them in their car groups. And yes I did shower before going. They would take the mentally ill ones before me. Still I thought that this was the truth how stupid was I. Even with all of this I still longed to pioneer.

    I used to go out in service and I always felt this way but especially when I pioneered and I would wonder if I slit my wrists how long would it take for someone to notice I was bleeding out. And if they did notice would they care or would they just let me die.

    Please do not think I am a nut case. I was around a lot of people who hated me. I passed out in service once and the sister I was with never even came to see if I was OK. I woke up on the floor of the laundry room and crawled outside. The sister told me she heard me fall so I knew she knew. Oh I could go on and on.

    Now that I am in the "world" I have made great friends who care. I mean they care they really care. They call if I am sick with just a cold. My husband an elder for 29 years at the time had a heart attack conducting the TMS and the other elders just let me drive him alone to the hospital. Only one elder and his wife came up after the meeting to be there with me and that was it. No one came up the next day. No one called nothing. Not even the elder who had been up their with me or his wife. No one cared. I tried push it all under the rug and tell myself everyone is just so busy.

    What is with these Jehovah's Witness and the coldness of it. My husband had a second heart attack two years latter and I called the PO's wife or COBE what ever you call them driving on the way to the hospital to have her tell her husband that my husband could not conduct the TMS that night. I had already tried to call the PO and he was not answering his cell. His wife said what can I do. I have to go out in field service today. OH MY GOD my husband is having a major heart attack and may not make it but this fellow elders wife had to go out in service. That was more important than my husband and I.

    I have made friends in the world and they call they care. My husband was in the E.R. this last summer yet again and a non witness friend called just to check on me. I never thought to call anyone. Her and her husband came right away. Dropped everything to come to be with me.

    I am sorry for this rant but I have just been doing a lot of thinking and wonder if I am the only one who feels like this. I am going to a therapist and she said the JW are abusive at least to me. Why? My husbands who is still a strong JW says the there have always been bad people in Jehovah's org even in Bible time and I just need to tough it out.

    I just cannot do that. Ones on the board like MR. Flipper and Mrs. Flipper, Big Tex, Palmtree. Have been so kind. I just cannot see it like my husband does. He keeps trying to point out see sister don't care if you live or die called you four months ago. See she cares. When I point out that she has not called in four months he say well she is really busy.

    I feel like I am going crazy leaving this cult. Anyone else ever feel this way. Thanks for letting me rant. LITS

  • life is to short
    life is to short

    Also the heading was did you ever feel so sad AND depressed in field service. Sorry.

  • JWoods
    JWoods

    OK.

  • WTWizard
    WTWizard

    They really do not give a f*** about anything but getting all the time they can out of the group.

  • sd-7
    sd-7

    Hi--had to comment on your heartrending post. That is a tragic situation, but very normal in this Borganization. Folks have had heart attacks, vomited, even one guy disrupting the meeting changed nothing. They just ignore everything but the program.

    Cult members generally reflect the personality of the leadership. The Governing Body has no problem allowing people to die for no good reason and suffer through incredibly deep emotional anguish. Been there. First you get sad, then mad, then shocked when you take the top off the religion.

    The road through your pain is a long and difficult one. But once you know their methods and find the real truth in Jesus, or wherever you may find your truth, it becomes a little more bearable. Just don't hurt yourself--certainly not over these bastards (speaking primarily of the GB and their agents, the elders and etc.). They're not entitled to rip your self-worth away in the name of God. Jesus died to restore our value in God's eyes, not to give us a new spirit of fear.

    Learn to live in Christ and you will find greater comfort. Being here on the boards will hopefully help you, too. Hang on tight. You'll make it.

    SD-7

  • life is to short
    life is to short

    I did not mean this to be such a dark thread. I am coming and going on this stupid religion. Having a husband still in is hard. He just wants to believe the best in these people and he keeps telling me that my thinking is wrong. For the first time in my life I feel free. My thinking is not wrong. Yeh it is sad to know that you were born and raised in a lie but hello once you know that get out. There is no fence sitting. But yet that is what I am doing being married to a JW.

    That is why this is such a dark thread. I just cannot leave it totally because of my husband. Thanks for letting me rant.

  • snowbird
    snowbird

    (((((((Life Is Too Short)))))))

    What SD-7 said.

    Life is indeed too short to put up with such callousness.

    Sylvia

  • angel eyes
    angel eyes

    lifestooshort, thats so sad, truly i feel for you. my car would have always been open to you babes :) I often did ministry alone, people click together, i kinda got use to it then when i started to have company it felt strange.

    Really feel for you

  • PSacramento
    PSacramento

    Life,

    God and Jesus are Love, where there is God there is love, where there is no love, God is not.

    If you feel the lack of love then perhaps that means something.

  • VIII
    VIII

    Hi and welcome to the board!

    While life is too short, you still have much to look forward to and as you start to see daylight leaving the cult that is the Watchtower, you'll start feeling better and better.

    I hated going out in FS. Hated it. I think a lot (most) of us on this board didn't like FS. Once you are out of the cult you realize you were an unpaid door-to-door salesperson for a publishing corporation. And, one that very rarely got to get the literature into the homeowners hands. (if you're honest-- )

    I have had lots of talks with my Mom who is still a die-hard JW about all the abusive practices of the JWs. She explains it exactly as your husband does--"There are always bad people in every organization....blah, blah, blah."

    One of the most helpful books for me has been by Steven Hassan, "Combatting Cult Mind Control"--it is very good and many on this board have read it. You may want to read it. It has been very good explaining the JWs and how they really are a cult.

    You may have to keep it away from your husband for now.

    Good luck on your exit!

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