Loosing my fiancee'

chelys

I am 27 year old non JW female, and my fiancee is a non-practicing JW. His mother is very devout, and they are very close. We live together, and he did tell me early on that he was JW, but at the time I only knew they did not celibrate any holidays, not the stuff about blood, voting, disfellowship, etc. That was 18 mnths ago, and we now live together. The first few mnths were fine. I am baptists, and I knew we were living in sin, but I was not ready to return to church yet. We celebrated my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc, and though he says he liked it, he was depressed for weeks after these events. We started talking about getting married, and of course we talked about how we would raise the kids, etc. I was not thinking of converting, but I was open to learning more abt JW. His mother started sending Watchtowers and Awakes to the house along with their scripture book. I never attended a meeting, but I would read the scripture book with my bible to see where the big differences were, and how they were getting the meanings they were getting. I will be honest, it still makes no sense to me. All this time, he was still not practicing JW, but he had not denounced it either. This Thanksgiving we celebrated, but he was diagnosed with diabetes shortly after, and has become closer to practicing JW again. His mother calls twice a day now to have talks with him, and he has stopped showing affection at all. A week ago, he said he was moving out, but we would still be together. I understood what he was saying because I too wanted to renew my devotion to GOD and I knew us living together was wrong, so though I was sad, I was okay with it. We had been having other issues that were non religous based, and I think we both needed to grow a little more before getting married. Now, he says he does not want to be with me at all. He says we will never work out, and does not even want to try. He says he still loves me, but dating and being with me is wrong. After reading some og the other posts on this board I am more sure than ever that being a JW is not what I want to do, but at the same time I can't beleive I am loosing the only man I have truly loved because of it. I have been willing to compromise, but he just won't budge. I am not trying to change his views, though to be honest, I wish we were the same, I just can't beleive he would just totally cut us off, especially after some of the things he has told me what has happened to other members of his hall. He has not been baptised, so he has not been disfellowshipped, but he seems to be activly trying to go back. I just don't understand this religion. It seems like everything is evil. I could understand abt Christmas and how commercial it has become, but a birthday?! He says it is like worshipping that person to celebrate their birthday. It angers me and it makes me sad. Not sure if I should just let it go and try to heal and get over the whole thing, or see what can be done. Sorry about the long post, Chelsea

SixofNine

You said about your ex-fiancee:

It seems like everything is evil.

You said about your thoughts:

I am baptists, and I knew we were living in sin...

and

I too wanted to renew my devotion to GOD and I knew us living together was wrong,

Sounds like he is just a bit more suckered by the idea that ancient hebrew mythology should guide your life than you are. But you're both suckered, he is just more devout and devoted to a (slightly) different characticure of God. I'll grant you that JW's have an especially wacky take on the bible, if you'll grant me that the bible is a wacky guide for determining whether or not you will live with someone.

joelbear

Unfortunately Chelsea he misrepresented his true feelings about his faith until recently.

This misrepresentation says a lot about his convictions or lack thereof.

This should be taken into account when making life decisions that involve this person.

Take care

Joel

HoChiMin

Chelys;

>"Not sure if I should just let it go and try to heal and get over the whole thing, or see what can be done. Sorry about the long post, Chelsea"<

Welcome and sorry for your dilemma. It sounds like your boyfriend has been reactivated in his cult thinking, cognitive dissonance kicks in and they try to be stronger than ever. He may have even talked to the local or some elders and they will drill this into his head: you are, "worldly and will be the cause of his death by god". Yes you are not worthy of consideration as to your feelings you are considered as a potential recruit and if you decline you are worldly scum and will be killed by the WT god. So in his mind he is wasting his time on a living corpse.
Sorry to be so blunt, but it's actually worse than I depicted, I wish you well.

HCM

chelys

I guess I have always beleived that there are good things about just abour every faith, and that they teach love and tolerance. I know what the bible says about being unequally yoked, but at first I did not think this applied to our situation because I thought though we practiced (or did not practice):)differently, our love for the lord was the same. Only after learning more about JW am I seeing that may not be the case.

Celia

Chelsea,
Whatever you do, DON'T become a JW, just to please him and try to bring him back to you...
You certainly would not be happy, to say the least...
You would be miserable.
How old you said you are ?
Still so young !
Go on with your life, if he changes his mind about the religion stuff, fine, take him back, if not, I am sure you'll meet a man who is better suited for you soon enough...
Good luck !

OlderTom

Religion, again coming between a man and a woman destroying the love they have for each other. Why do we let religion interfere so much in our lives.

why do we make slaves of ourselves by trying to conform to the rules these people create?

God only gave us 2 rules love him and love each other.

Why do we let religion interfere so much in our lives.

I was married to a catholic for 24 years there was plenty of friction but we managed until I started studying with JW then she devorced me.

Religion it's a racket and a snare. release yourself from its enslavement and get on with your life.

Cold hearted statements I know but we do it to ourselves. Take control of your own life. stop caring what others think. Do what is right for YOU.

And you will know the truth and the REAL truth will set you free.

OlderTom

libra_spirit

Run like hell hon!
The JW's are an organization that are very successful at destroying family ties and removing the element of Love, and replacing it with an element of fear, control, and seperation. You are seeing his fear come up now and it is engrained so deeply he does not recognize it as fear but believes it to be love. It even takes power over your true love as a couple.
There is no middle path with the JW's. They will remove all love until you submit to them, at that point you will be loveless believing in your mind your are right you will deny your heart as too treacherous to trust.

chelys

I do feel alot better since finding this site. I have been reading posts all day about various topics, and I really like it. I tried to keep an open mind about JW because at first, all I knew was the holiday/birthday deal. My fiancee is a rational, intelligent person, so I figured there must be some reason he believes in this faith. Again, not to convert myself, but to at least be informed. He was born into the JW and he had never attended any other church, not even non-denominational. When I proposed that he come to my church at least once, and I would go to one of his meetings or have a bible study in our apartment, he looked at me as if I suddenly sprouted a third breast! He was fine with me coming to one of his meetings, but would not even entertain the thought of coming with me. I saw then how serious he was, but I never thought he would become so cold toward me in so short of a time. All of this has transpired since thanksgiving of this year. He moves out at the end of January, and I dread going home everyday. I really miss the person he was, or I knew him to be. He is not rude or even unfriendly, he just acts as if we college roommates. He has even started sleeping on the couch. It hurts so bad, I just feel like crying.

rhett

Chelys,
Ok, first of all, I just want to tell you that my post is coming from an insulin dependant diabetic, nonbaptized, totally inactive former JW that married a woman who is a not very devout baptist. Sound a little familiar?
What can you do? Not much really. Your fiance is in a cult. He has also been diagnosed with a not very pleasant disease that he will have for the rest of his life that can effect his moods and judgements. You could do research on why the JW's are wrong but you'd be barking up the wrong tree altogether. You need to find out more about cults. I would recomend reading "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steven Hassan to learn more.
What his mother and the other JW's are doing is preying on is his recently diagnosed illness (could be diabetes, could be cancer, could be Puetz-Jeugger's Syndrome, could be just about anything). That's a pretty big thing to get hit with. Any cult, not just JW's, will find something that they can work with to make you come back. Not only that but even though your fiance never went to their services and did the holidays with you he never did throw away the belief that they were right. Unless he does that they will always have control over him even if he isn't around them. You're not fighting him to stay together, you're fighting his cult.
Look, just about anyone here can tell you that I can be one of the most arrogant jerks on here but your situation has really struck a cord with me. If you ever want to email privately my address is [email protected]. I'll even email you my phone number if you'd want to call me.
Good luck.

I don't need to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven.

Loosing my fiancee'

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