I couldn't face going

by cantleave 16 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  cantleave

  I was suspossed to go to the meeting today, gotta to keep up the pretense in order to facillitate my fade. I just couldn't do it. Instead I had nice lie in, I visited my non-witness dad, and then met up with my first aspostate from this site Mr. Majestic.

  I didn't want to go to the meeting because meetings make me angry, I can now see the techniques used to control the congregation by fear. I can't stand the thought that so many good people are being fed a banquet of lies and deception.

  I could so easily never attend again.
• 

  Heartbreaker

  cantleave, that's exactly what happened to my husband and I. We just woke up one Sunday and didn't go...we never looked back. Of course it's easier with your spouse helping you and standing with you, I realize that. Just remembering that very feeling, almost breathless anticipation of NOT going, not ever.
• 

  cantleave

  Heartbreaker - the good thing is my wife didn't go either.
• 

  Heartbreaker

  Then that my friend is a step in the right direction indeed.
• 

  no more kool aid

  I actually find it hard to understand how some people can go one more minute after they start to figure things out. I decided one Sunday while at a meeting that I would not be doing this anymore (I did not know at the time how my husband would react). I can totally relate. NMKA
• 

  moshe

  After I read the Crisis of Conscience book I went to a circuit assembly and hated the entire program- I believe that was the last meeting I attended before I sent my letter to Bethel.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  The thing with a fade is to successfully get out of the meetings and everything JW, yet not get DF'ed.
  The typical reason for this is to retain a relationship with family. Friends are typically lost to the WTS in a fade.
  So, if you can just walk away all at once and keep those family relationships, that is a successful fade.
  
  The total walkaway sometimes triggers more shepherding from the elders than the slower fade, but when you add the meeting hours and compare it to the ducking elder hours (or even the occasional actual letting them shepherd), the ducking and shepherding is much less. For some people, it is virtually nothing.

  The point- don't feel that you have to do a slow fade. If you don't want to go, then don't go. See how long you can stay away and acheive your purpose.
• 

  Frank75

  Cold Turkey works best, at least it did in our situation. We were fading but the old "where else can you go" had us by the short curlies for a while.

  Then one meeting in a rather boring talk on the SM the goof on the platform (and he was at the best of times just a goof) started one of those impromptu things by deprecating woman. He said something to the effect "in order not to see your wife's faults you need to put one hand over your eye......then this lady commented that in order not to see her husbands faults she needed both eyes covered. THAT I thought was funny, but then the part turned into a food fight which got lower and lower. My wife leaned over and informed me she was leaving and if I wanted to catch a ride with her I had better decide.......so we went home and that was the last time we went to a meeting.

  I know everyone is different and we all have to do what is best for our own circumstances, however it begs to be asked, if you were dieing and in a clinical trial for a new cancer drug and found out before it was over that you were on the placebo, would you continue?

  Frank75
• 

  keeshondgirl

  My husband and I did not fade, we stopped cold turkey. No elder meetings, no visits of 'encouragement' nothing! Every congregation is different, and I think it can depend on how often the people are out in your area preaching. The area we live in is seldom worked and they certainly aren't going to drive to see us during non-service time. Its been just about a year now and the elders don't have one idea as to why we dont go. It also helped that we never got close to people at the hall and never got together to do things. So how can they miss us if we were never really part of their club?? One thing is sure, once you stop going you won't ever ever want to go back. On what used to be meeting nights, I enjoy knowing that I'm not there!
• 

  Out at Last!

  I also just stopped going to meetings. No calls, visits, nothing. As others have said, it depends alot on your cong. Most everyone in my former hall knew that our elders would do nothing unless someone hounded them relentlessly. They were very lazy when it came to anything more than meeting prep/attendance, field circus. As I said in another post, they were probably happy I was gone. I tried to be as much as a pain in their ass as I could.

  Best of luck in whatever way you decide to rid yourself of this cult.