Living With Regret - what do YOU regret about being in the org? (page 2)

C. T. Russell

I told a CO that I masturbated.

If any of you have a problem with a 18 yr. old doing that you can go to hell!

whyizit

I've never been in the Org. But here are regrets I have , since my friend joined up:

That I know her better than anyone else, and she is the one person I DO know what to get for Christmas, but I can't get her anything!

That I haven't received a birthday card from her in over 6 years.

That when I send her a card, she never even acknowledges it.

That every time we talk, she has to spout off some WT nonsense so she can count her "time" talking to me. I wish I didn't even know that was what she was doing. It would make me feel less used.

That I can never, ever leave my child with her, because she might try to indoctrinate. And that she has made her's socially terrified of everyone. As if their other "problems" aren't enough.

I regret that I was too busy and self-absorbed when she first became invovled with them, because had I kown where she would end up, I would have figured out how to put a stop to it early on. I thought they were just a harmless, yet legalistic, religion and she would drop them soon enough. I had no idea she was going to be trapped in a mind control cult!

I am frustrated that others don't seem interested enough to find out what they could do to help get her thought processes moving in the right direction again.

cantleave

My only regret is not waking up decades earlier.

leavingwt

Spending decades building friendships that were dependent upon me blindly follow men, while actively promoting false ideas.

sooner7nc

I loved a "worldy"girl one time. At the time I was engaged to a "sister" from Denver, that I didn't want to marry, and eventually broke up with.

Her name was Norma Rodriguez, and I loved her with my very soul. We never dated, but the silent words that passed when we looked at each other were overwhelming. I love my wife, and am happy to say that she is the one good thing I got out of the cult, and wouldn't trade her for a million Normas, but still I feel regret at what was lost.

This is the first time I've ever said or wrote anything about Norma. It feels very surreal.

babygirl30

Sooner7nc

Ya know...I recently contacted my ex (the 1st worldly one...hahahaha) and sincerely apologized! We worked together for YEARS, and eventually he went on to get married and now has his 2nd child on the way. BUT to this day, he admits that he was in love with me and although he got what he wanted (a wife and kids) that it is NOT with the PERSON he wanted (he wanted to marry me...). Breaks my heart to even THINK about it sometimes because I can still picture us all sitting at the diningroom table, me crying so hard I was gagging to throw up, and him through tears - telling my parents how much he loved me and wanted to be with me and would do whatever it took to do so. UGH!!! Just the flashback hurts...still.

I actually ended up recently sending him an email and sincerely apologizing!!! I had to...this has been myyear of making peace with myself, my past, and the people that really MATTERED in my life - him being 1 of them. Of course today there is nothing romantic between us, I have moved on and am with someone that I love dearly. Like I said, this ex is married and has kids - but I just could not go another day without telling him how sorry I was for putting him through that nonsense of studying, of my parents being so cruel and cold to him, and of me giving him the ultimatum "well if you love me - you would study to be a JW". I will forever regret putting that sweet man through such craziness 10yrs ago.

OnTheWayOut

I could say how I love my wife that I met at the KH and how I never would have even met her without the Borg,
or I could say how I have more fully developed my sense of justice and belief and morality and nonjudgementalism thanks to my experience with the Borg and getting out.

But, in all honesty, I regret being duped into the religion at all. I regret not thoroughly checking things out. I needed a miracle and WTS offered it.

Just because I made lemonade with my lemons doesn't mean I am grateful for the lemons. I am learning to be grateful for the lemonade. That's a start.

chickpea

i am with casper

my kids lost what can never
be retrieved.... their childhoods

they have all forgiven me...
i just havent been able to
forgive myself for that... yet

Casper

Chickpea,

I understand what you're saying, there are times when I really get down on myself for what my girls went through, especially the school years.

At the time, in my area,"Home Schooling" was the thing, I took my oldest out of reg. school to finish high school at home, and my youngest was home schooled the first 5 years.

They missed out on so much.... for nothing basically.

Sometimes the guilt is overwhelming. I have apologized many times and they say they are fine, but I see the longing in their eyes when we go to school functions for my extended family.

they have all forgiven me...
i just havent been able to
forgive myself for that... yet

I sincerely hope that one day you and I both, will be able to do just that.

Cas

AllTimeJeff

Regret, one of my favorite subjects to ponder.

On my worst days, I regret the @$$hole I became, because I wanted the glory I saw other elders get. After I became an elder, I regretted the control this crooked cult has over the people, and how that power is administered.

But I can't change that.

I regret now things that are personal, mostly time lost, and how I feel. That will change. I don't believe in regrets, I just know I have a few....

Regrets are like caterpillars: With time, they turn into beautiful butterflys that we call life lessons, experience, and wisdom. It only takes some time for these regrets to come out of their cacoon and join living things in flight. :)

Living With Regret - what do YOU regret about being in the org?

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