Hello to everyone here. I have been looking at this website for about 2 months now and feel i am now ready to say hi and intoduce myself.I dont want to give out too much info at this point in time as I still am in the org, but have only been to 2 meetings since the District convention in August and last time i went out on service was in March. I was basically raised in the truth as my parents became JW when i was 2. I was married in my late teens and after 21 years of being married to a total control freak he left me (yay). Anyway since me ex left, i had been doing a lot of thinking about being a witness, and i wasnt really going to a lot of meetings - just didnt feel like it. I guess being finally free to be able to do what I wanted when i wanted was quite a new experience for me - my ex was a MS and so desperatly wanted to become and elder. ( I guess the elders in our cong got one thing right when after 10 years my ex still wasnt appointed as an elder much to his disgust). Ha ha......
Becuase he was trying so hard we were the perfect JW family - never missed a meeting - service every weekend - answered at every meeting - used for parts on the service meeting- etc etc - you get the picture. So when he left I was left wondering - why am i doing all this. Is it because I want to or this is just so ingrained in my life that i just did what i always did. Well then i started to slacken off with the meetings - virtually stopped going out in field service overnight - still could count 1 hour for the supposed family study i did with the kid, ( still using that avenue now ) and came to realize that I didnt want to do it any more. I had a few doubts about a few things along the way, but nothing really major - and besides i didnt have the time to investigate anything. Anyway, i wasnt looking at any sites about JW or anything like that, just happy to be a real slacker, and the elders were really good at doing their job of not coming to visit me or enquiring as to why i wasnt coming to anymore meetings or going out in field service - they were avoiding me like the plague -due to circumstances surrounding me ex's comittee case ( he wasnt df) and and events that followed after - but that is another story in itself. Suffice to say - they were in the wrong and they knew it. Back to the story - I was on the net one day - and accidentaly came accross freeminds web site - Well..........I was glued to the computer for the next 3 weeks.... I think i read every article, blog on that website... ordered Crisis of Concience - In search of Christian Freedom, Captives of a concept, combatting cult mind control and read those too.!!! When I read Crisis of Concience I literally broke down and cried...... I coudnt believe I had beleived a whole bunch of crap for all my life. I often used to wonder if I wasnt a witness and witness came to my door would i listen. Well i now know i would not listen to them and I know exactly what to say to them!!!
When I went to the meeting 2 weeks ago - It was the service meeting - i had to leave half way through - i was sitting there thinking to myself how on earth i could have sat there for all those years and not realize i was being brain washed. I literally felt like getting up and screaming that i just couldnt take this crap anymore more Once you realize its not the truth anymore it all seems so ridiculous! - It felt so good to hop in my car and drive home. I never want to go back!!! I have been having a reoccuring dream that I am at the meeting and all of a sudden the doors close and these wrist and ankle clamps come out of the chairs when everyone is sitting down and they cant move, and i go around and gag everyone, so no one can talk and then i get on the platform and tell every JW dub the truth about the truth. ( ha ha...... i like that dream makes me laugh).
The thing is I dont want to DA myself or get DF because I still have some family in the truth, and I dont want to lose them. I dont have any real friends in the cong (my ex was a walking advert for how to lose friends and alienate people! )- since i have not been there - all my so called bros & sisters have not called, come by to see how i am doing. Oh well i am spiritually weak now i guess.... cant hang around someone like that.......bad association.... and all that crap. my youngest doesnt want to go to any meetings either, She told me that she never believed any of the stuff she was taught and thought it was a load of rubbish!!!!! ( smart kid , only 12). My family all live in other states than I do so I am finding it a bit hard having no friends ( or so called friends ) to hang out with, but I know that in time i will make new friends..... Any of you guys live in Sydney???
Anyway, I just wanted to know if I can tell my elders that Im changing congs - and if they can send my records to the new cong - and never show up, or do i actually have to go to the new cong for a week or two??? dont know what the protocol with this is??? Its just that my eldest daughter is concerned that i have been missing so many meetings - I told her that i couldnt go back to that hall - with everything that happened there - and that i will be going to a new cong - but taking a break for the moment. She is okay with that for the time being.
Hope this is not too disjointed, as im writng this at work.
