The program was Day 2 of the circuit assembly, but we'd been planning to catch the special assembly day (commonly referred to as SAD even by me before I woke up). I always felt sad after the program every time. Never doing enough, you know what I mean? The new assembly hall is gargantuan. Plenty of old assembly artifacts. Reminded me of Prince Malagant's prison in the movie First Knight. "It's called an ubliette. That's French for 'a place of forgetting.' No bars, no doors, no locks--just walls of air." But it was attractive. For $8,000,000, it ought to be.
They had the badges from old conventions, newspaper articles--even from the infamous 1966 convention where the wacky 1975 book was released. My associate put in a donation. I can't believe anyone's hard-earned money will be given to these crooks. We didn't stay for the program. It didn't sound like we were missing much--the same 'single people have more opportunities', cookie-cutter interviews with two single pioneers (one of whom broke off her engagement and pioneered, yet the emotional impact of that was completely ignored; I take it she goes home and has a bit of wine for the frequent cases of heartsickness), etc., etc. Even so, I could already feel the guilt emanating from the platform. It's powerful. Could be sucked back in easily.
As we neared the assembly hall, there was a brother standing outside, watching as our child made the last few steps out of the rain. He was intrigued, mentioned how long a walk it must have been for a baby, seemed friendly. But as we parted ways, there was something about the robotic tone of his voice as he said, "Enjoy the assembly." It sounded a lot like a command rather than the equivalent of the usher at the movie theater who says "enjoy the show." There was something mildly unsettling about it. Almost, well, a "heil Hitler" kind of sound. I think for the first time, I felt genuinely creeped out by the place. The lack of doors in the auditorium and bathrooms must have been an intentional part of the design. Perhaps it is a reflection of the Party mindset: a not-so-subtle way of saying WE ARE WATCHING YOU. THERE IS NO PLACE TO HIDE.
Anyway, that's comforting. We watch each other, which means are backs are turned on the leadership. A perfect circle. Power at the top. Control of all, with the assistance of the insects who are more than happy to police each other. There is nothing but those walls of air. The inmates love the wardens. Is it a prison, then, or an asylum? For those who know the wardens well enough, it is both.
Scientific American magazine had an article awhile ago about the fact that cheaters have no problem turning in other cheaters. This is true in nature as well. It's perfect--after all, if everyone cheats, no one benefits. So the cheaters must rat out other cheaters in order for them to prosper. If a few powerful ones do all the cheating, they win. Hence the disfellowshipping arrangement, no?
Well...the other neat thing about the assembly hall was the feeling that like, 15 Brother Hounders were stalking the lobby area and getting uncomfortable seeing me standing there not going into the auditorium. But, limited by the laws of the land and the law of Christ, hurting me and throwing me into the auditorium was not authorized. They could only take action against me to a certain extent. Being limited by the laws of the land. Of course. So I may have gotten funny looks, but nothing more. Having the kid there engendered some sympathy.
Soon, I will enter the first and last phase of my suicide mission, marrying into a religion the same year I discovered it is a cult that uses mind control on its members. I am marrying a true believer who suffers from serious cognitive dissonance issues. But having been dealt a hard hand with her mother, perhaps the Mother Organization became a safe haven for her. They could've said Brother Organization, but perhaps they were too aware of the 1984 implications. Besides, Mother > Son, right?
Well, I know that the price I pay will be extraordinarily high. But I volunteered. I know what I'm getting into. I've been inside all my life, after all. I know what to expect. Only part of this I've never experienced is (1) being an elder/MS and (2) being in a JC. I'd like to record the latter, should it ever happen to me, just because they're so scared of that. Princes who rule for justice itself ought not be afraid to be accountable to their subjects. Cowards.
Anyway, there's my tale. Too long, but fire away.
SD-7