Is this an obsession?

WuzLovesDubs

Ok..Ive been separated for 8 months now. Want to file for divorce and just get it over with. Guy at work (he is day shift I am night shift) I have known about a year and a half has been wanting to go out. We tried having dinner last May...or rather he ate and I sat there because it was after he got off work one night..and after that he just sort of took off with it. Calling daily, watching for me to come to work, insisting on talking to me while at my job calling attention to "us" even though I made it clear there was no "us" and I didnt want to discuss what we did or didnt do at work. Then i would go to work and he would hang around there...waiting for me. One night I clocked in, went to the office computer to check my vacation schedule and when I came out he was STILL there...a full half hour after he should have been gone. I was irritated by that. He didnt BELIEVE I needed to use the computer! Wanted to know why I was back there in the office. Asked THREE times. So I cut it off...totally.

So a week ago or so I decided maybe back in May I wasnt ready to go out yet and do anything and maybe overreacted so asked him if maybe he would like to go AS FRIENDS ONLY to a craft show or a bar to watch a football game with friends. And once again...the obsession began. He started waiting again for me after work....every damn day. Asking my co workers what my schedule was. Hanging around the time clock so I couldnt get to my job without dealing with him first. Then calling me.....and calling and calling...14 times in less than two days!! I was freaked. Couldnt believe it. He told he he was just so attracted to me. Said things like where were you Monday night I WAITED for you! So... I called him and he didnt pick up so I left a message to STOP CALLING ME that we werent BF and GF that he didnt need to check on me daily that he isnt going to RESCUE me that he should STOP waiting for me because he was creeping me out!! And damned if he didnt call again 2 minutes later. Damned if he isnt STILL waiting for me even after every single person from the day crew is long gone...waiting. I know this because I WATCH him to make sure he is gone before I go in. He stands there looking at the front of the store. Watching for me. Walking around his car pretending to check it. Watching more....sitting there sitting there sitting there... freaks me out. Makes my heart race that he will notice me watching him. God...

Did I over react??? I told my supervisor what was going on without mentioning his name. Just so someone knows. I dont think this guy means me any physical harm...but where does it cross the line? Did I bring this on myself by asking him to go do something with me? Ugh..

Youd think it was deer mating season and I was wearing deer urine or something for cologne. :(

xeracia

Sounds like an obsession to me. And yea I don't think it was a good idea for you to ask him to do something with you that second time. But bygones...At this point I would be letting your supervisor know exactly what is going on. Then I would tell him once more to leave me alone. Be blunt and forward with him. Make it very clear. And if that doesn't work, file a restraining order. Which will make his life difficult since you work in the same place. But that sounds really scary and I wouldn't play around with it if I were you. I've been in situations like that before and they can escalate pretty quickly. Good luck with it!

WuzLovesDubs

I agree Xer I shouldnt have asked the second time....but during that eight months he was nothing but nice and not overboard and caring...and I really thought I must have just overreacted to the sudden attention. Like the way I reacted when going to churches after leaving the Kingdom Hall...like they were only trying to TRAP me you know?

asilentone

That sounds so creepy, if I were near you, I will scare the shit out of him. He should get a clue by now!

Robdar

I would say he is obsessed for sure.

Don't beat yourself up for giving him a second chance but learn to trust your gut. Next time something like this happens, you will know what to do.

BTW, you need to report this guy by name to your department head.

Be safe.

Robyn

Hopscotch

This sounds very much like he's a stalker. You can't afford to even be friends with this guy in any way.

Hopscotch

yknot

Scary.......

Is he peeping on your activities outside of work too (beyond the obsessive phone calls)?

You in no way brought this on yourself, his actions are extreme. There is no way you could have known this fellow was that desperate, lonely and lacking self-control.

Instead of avoiding him make a point to casually mention that he is going overboard and that such behavior is likely to scare the next girl off as it has you. Acknowledge he has many fine points but he really needs to learn how to take things 'slow and study'.

Georgiegirl

1. Yes there is something seriously wrong.

2. Tell Human Resources and NAME NAMES. Your safety is primary.

3. Listen to your instincts next time. Don't second guess your reactions.

4. Consider getting and reading The Gift of Fear.

5. On the off chance the guy is just completely socially inadequate, spell it out for him ONCE very clearly. "I am not interested in you as a romantic partner or as a friend. Your behavior is offensive to me. Stop it now." If he continues in any shape, manner or form after that statement, file a complaint of sexual harrassment at work. Better to be thought a bitch then to be a dead one.

Seriously, from what you have described, this is NOT NORMAL behavior. Take care of yourself first. The number one mistake women make is trying to "be nice".

Hope it all works out.

SirNose586

What a crazy stalker guy...yeah, ditto on everyone's points. Please don't lead this guy on, he is delusional and you'd be feeding his delusion.

WuzLovesDubs

Sir...yeah really. I went back over everything I ever said looking for somewhere where I might have indicated otherwise but I was very very specific that I didnt want him to CALL me every dayl. That this is PLATONIC that we are only FRIENDS. I think he thinks that if he just had the opportunity he could convince me "he is the one" somehow. Seriously...it went from 0 to 60 in like one day. :*(

Is this an obsession?

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