So yesterday, my husband gets out of bed and eats breakfast. Then, he comes back over to me and at this point, he doesn't even tell me to get out of bed and get ready for the meeting anymore. Instead, he asked me if I wanted to go. I said no. He doesn't push it but goes by himself. Later in the afternoon, he asked me if I don't want to go to the meeting anymore and I tell him no again. So we get into a discussion and he just flat out asked him if I no longer believe in this religion. I told him no. Surprisingly, he doesn't get mad or yell or say any of the abusive, threatening things that he has in the past. We calmly talk about my reasons for feeling the way I do. He asked why I don't go to the elders about it and I told him that the elders will probably DF me. So by the end of the discussion, he agreed to not go to the elders and he will not divorce me and I'll just become inactive so as not to upset my family. It went much better than I expected. I told him that my family invited me to Thanksgiving dinner and that I would go and he didn't make a big deal about it. So today, we just got through having another discussion. He asked me if I feel that the jw religion doesn't have God's spirit and I told him no. He asked why. I told him that the 144,000 are a symbolic number when you read it in the context that they are all jewish male virgins. He was silent. I told him that the 1st century congregation didn't have a governing body and the faithful & discreet slave is a parable, not literal. Then I told him that the 7 times prophecy in Daniel had only one fulfillment, not two. He said, "Well, I don't know. I'll have to do more research about that." I told him to let me know what he finds. Then later he came back to me and says that the witnesses have a more accurate knowledge of the basic bible teachings even though they may have some things wrong. I told him that those basic bible teachings came from the 7th day Adventist. Then I asked him could that mean that the Adventists also have God's spirit. He said, as he was walking away, "Maybe. I'm sure there are other people besides the witnesses who have God's spirit." The he came back to me again and asked me, "So, the people that say they are anointed, are you saying that they're not." I simply told him that nobody has a right to say if God has put his spirit on someone or if he hasn't but that that number is not limited to 144,000. He was silent. He walked away and is now practicing his bible reading part for tomorrow's meeting. One thing that makes me nervous though is that he wants to talk to a spiritually mature brother for some advise now that his wife is an apostate. I understand that he needs someone to confide in and get advise from but I don't want it getting back to my elders. He asked if it would be okay to talk to someone who lives outside of state. I couldn't tell him no because I understand he needs a confidant just like I'm able to confide in you guys. But I made him promise that he won't tell what congregation he goes to. Do you think the news will end up getting back to my elders?
My husband is not going to divorce me after all!
by doublelife 24 Replies latest jw friends
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Georgiegirl
Yes. I do.
I know that's not the answer you were hoping for. On the bright side, he is talking and asking questions so there's always hope!
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OnTheWayOut
But I made him promise that he won't tell what congregation he goes to. Do you think the news will end up getting back to my elders?
He will use his name and location so they can figure out the congregation. It's what they do, then report it to Mother who informs the local elders. It is possible to find someone who won't do this, but difficult. He's better off doing research on his own and keeping discussion between husband and wife.
Ask him to reconsider that, as they are virtually certain to report this. -
Robdar
You might be busted. But maybe you are hoping to be busted?
Having been in a similar situation, I can promise you it will turn out okay. Things in the future might be different, but they will be okay.
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BabaYaga
Your husband sounds like he is thinking, which is a GREAT sign, but... truthfully, it sounds like your fade is over. It could be worse... and there is still hope for the man you married.
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jamiebowers
Why don't you refer him here, or if that's too scary for him, how about him talking to a current or former elder via private message on this site? What he really needs is to talk to someone who has walked in your shoes. You could also reassure him that you still love him if that truly is the case.
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HappyGuy
Hello,
Of course the news will get back to the elders. They are all gossips and they don't recognize the sanctity of shepherding conversations. Their only concern, once they hear your husband's "problem" will be to take judicial action to "keep the congregation clean". Your husband owes it to you as his wife to put your spiritual welfare ahead of the rules of the Watchtower. Of course the Watchtower claims that there can be no spirituality outside of them but I think it is fairly easy to show how arrogant such a statement is. I don't think it would be that difficult to prove from the scriptures that a husband has to put his wife's welfare ahead of some faceless judicial committee.
I would disagree with you being "an apostate". The Bible mentions persons being labeled "apostate" by God or being turned away from God's face a handful of times over a span of thousands of years. The WTBTS has labelled millions of people as apostate. I think any good hearted person has to see the problem with that.
Then there is the problem of the way that the WTBTS defines "apostate". The Bible defines it as the willfull rejection of Jesus sacrifice after one knows full well the truth about Jesus. (Other people define apostasy a bit differently but the Bible definition always revolves around rejecting Jesus or God after knowing the truth about them).
I don't know if you still believe in Jesus sacrifice and in God, I'm guessing you do. Then, according to the Bible you have not committed apostasy.
Now, the WTBTS defines apostasy as basically not accepting the words of the WTBTS as if they came from God Himself. There are two questions they like to ask people who they are accusing of apostasy. They both deal with accepting the teachings of the WTBTS as the truth and believing that the WTBTS are God's anointed representatives on earth.
I think it would be helpful to reason with your husband that you are not an apostate, that according to the Bible you are not an apostate because you still believe in God. And, that the definition of apostate as given by the WTBTS amounts to violating the dictate in Revelation against "adding anything to these words".
Also, you can point out that the Bible tells us not to blindly follow the words (teachings) of men. Even if those men claim to speak for God. Actually, men claiming to speak for God is a sign of the end times.
If you have not been going around trying to teach others in the congregation beliefs that are not in accord with the WTBTS cult then they will be hard pressed to prove apostasy against yhou since they will need two witnesses. But, the JWs are dishonest when it comes to Judicial committee matters. They are likely to use your husband's asking for help as witness number 1 and the elder he talks to as witness number 2.
Personally, I think it is pretty easy to use the Scriptures to prove that God is not as hard hearted as the Governing Body is.
I think you and your husband should read the Bible together and rediscover the loving God that the New Testament describes. The "god" that the WTBTS promotes is cruel, petty, vindictive, and judgemental. The New Testament describes a very different god.
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The Almighty Homer
Quite frankly I think its eventually going to get spilled out to one or more of the elders in your own hall.
With you not showing up at the meetings and your husband having to answer why you are not there, something usually gets spilled out
perhaps not directly to an elder but to some other witness. There just so many times that saying she's not feeling well can last.
Isn't the DFing for thinking out of the box the reason you want to exit this religion.
This religion as you know corrupts within and spoils healthy human relationships on so many levels.
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beksbks
Double life, I understand your position, but I found the title of your thread incredibly depressing. You're feelings and rights are every bit as important as his are. He should be thankful you aren't divorcing him after all.
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The Almighty Homer
I didn't read anything that suggested him divorcing you.
His response is quite typical, he's heard somethings from you that might have shocked and been confusing to hear
about the WTS. and now he has to find an answer for all of this. Quite normal really.
Unfortunately the answer he'll receive will be pre-scripted by an indoctrinated JWS so don't expect any good results.