can some elders or ex-elders or anyone help me!!

by etna 15 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  etna

  I haven't been to a meeting for at least 3years. My wife and I have been married before and we have been married for about 9 months. Since we got married my wife has been going to the meetings to get reinstated (she wants to have a relationship with her kids and with mine as we have both had grandkids now). Nothing has been done to me as we moved, and I haven't spoken to the elders for more than 3 years. Now they seem to want to talk to me and suggested that it might be easier for her if I was to talk to them and see what my intentions are. Well I'd like to tell them my intentions but I don't think it will help her cause. Anyway they wanted me or her to get back to them and let them know. I was asking for some advice, as I think the best thing is for my wife to say that I don't want to come back for now. I don't want anything to happen, as I starting to get a good relationship with my daughter again and she has a 2year old son. I hope some can help and suggest what to say and do. I don't want to give them any power over me. By the way, as soon as my wife gets back in, she wants to just fade(as she hasn't believed for a long time). she been born and brought up in the "truth" for 50years(like me).

  Hope you can help ETNA
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  HappyGuy

  The elders are not god, even though they think they are. I'm not sure why you have to address this question at all. Accompany your wife to the meetings, support her in every way possible and let your actions do the talking. Tell the elders that this is a private matter between you and God and you expect your wife to be treated with love, mercy, compassion, and understanding.

  I don't see how your talking to them can make things easier for your wife? How does that affect your wife's relationship with God. I would like to hear the answer to that one.

  They won't have any power over you unless you let them. The Witnesses like to set themselves up as the final arbiters of everything. The Bible says otherwise. I went through this all the time with those a-holes. Like one time I went to the Carolina coast to help with hurricane relief and they take us out to a "brother's" mansion to pick up felled trees on his 40 acres. No, I'm not making this up. I said, "I didn't come 200 miles to be a ranch hand on the Ponderosa, I came here to help people in need". Can you believe it, the a-hole "elders" tried to tell me that I couldn't leave! So, I walked until I came to an area where there were people really in need and helped get a tree out of an old ladies living room. When I caught up with the "Brothers" a few days later they tried to "scold" me for not keeping with the "arrangement". I just said "you people are under the false impression that you have power over me, you don't".

  God did not give these people power over you. They make a lot of assumptions.
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  etna

  Thanks happyguy, I appreciate the feedback. I probably didn't make myself clear, but I think they want to talk to me, to df's me. I won't give them the power.

  Etna
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  yknot

  Two Options.... meet or don't meet.

  You could meet with them and say a few encouraging words toward your wife's 'progress', if they press you for your 'story' you could talk about how you know it is the 'troof' and do one day hope to comeback but right now.....well you are a loss for words (let them read into it what they may)..... then gush onward about how proud you are again of your wife for being so strong, that her strength gives you hope that someday.....(again leave them hanging).....make a comment on a recent WT study article or CBS point and how....... then get all sad looking, just short of teary eyed and tell them you can't continue talking, you appreciate their coming but they have to leave.......as they reach the door you could make some over the top comment like.....I know if I don't make into the new system at least my wife will have yall... thank them, close the door and then go into the kitchen and practice your Oscar speech ......

  Or Don't go and have your wife start lacing the scene some by saying that you are 'depressed', that she worries about you not feeling 'worthy' but that she is at least getting you involved in doing some bible reading on FWN.......and as soon as she 'senses' you are open to a visit she will ring them up at once.

  Once she gets reinstated........move publishing cards to a congregation that doesn't know you or care....(if you have really hounders move cards around to several KHs so as to muddy the trail)
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  alanv

  All good advice. I have been able to fade, but I often wonder what I would say if the elders came to the door asking me direct questions. I think I would say that I feel the gov body are trying very hard and they may well have the truth. I would then leave it at that. It really is difficult when you have family in. I would love to tell them direct about how useless they are and the thousands of deaths they have caused but that would be playing right into their hands.
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  etna

  Thanks you guys, I've been feeling like sh-t today!! The way they make you feel, its like do what you want with me, just leave me alone..Its nice to see I'm not alone and I've learnt so much here. Just don't know which way to go.. Have most of my family in the org..

  Etna
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  cantleave

  Etna, you can still be disfellowshipped even if you do not meet with them. Just don't play their game. I don't know enough about you circumstances to ascertain if they have grounds to DF. Has you ex remarried, did she do so before you? (if she did you had scriptural grounds to remarry, and maybe you can tell them you didn't have sex before you married). You would be considered of unsound mind for marrying a df's person, but that is not a df'ing offence (it would be a marking offence). Have you been openly "apostate"? If you are DF'd would it make any difference to you?
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  TheOldHippie

  You will not be df'ed if you are sincere in your wish to return - but you obviously are not, you just want to follow your wife in, and your wife just wants to get it so she can then quietly fade.

  Notthe best starting point for a talk with the elders. And no matter what the immediate outcome would be, it sooner or later will be discovered what the real motives were. I mean, if you later on fade, new talks will be asked for - and how long will you be able to keep up the facade, to lie to yourself and to them? Sorry, old boy, but I think you are on the brink of placing yourself in an impossible situation. Better stay where you are at - or be honest.
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  OnTheWayOut

  If you think they want to DF you, you are probably right. If you were to meet with them, that gives them power over you. You would have to lie or refuse to answer questions. I say, don't bother to meet with them. Let your wife offer little for you. "He said NO THANK YOU." "I don't know why." "No, he doesn't talk bad about it, just said NO THANK YOU."

  They probably will not reinstate her quicker or slower depending on you. They are just using that as a way for her to pressure you. Let your wife get her goal without involving you, it will still happen.
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  theMadJW

  My experience, when faced with a Lose-Lose situation is to simply PRAY for God's Guidance...that is, if you still believe in Him....

  If you are sincere in Faith (sounds like you both are just Pretenders- and should never have been baptised) He will WITHOUT FAIL help you.

  If not, the situation will just worsen, as it always does with the faithless...