So I'm getting mentally ready for the big Un-Thanksgiving celebration our extended JW family is planning for this Friday. Turkey and all the fixings of course, but a day late, and WT-approved.
Almost inevitably at our Big JW Family Gatherings (tm), someone will make a statement or observation along the lines of "Armageddon's SO CLOSE" or "we're in the last minutes of the last days", you know the drill. And, equally inevitably, someone with a bit more jaundiced eye to failed Watchtower predictions will make some qualifying statement that takes the urgency away. And then a rambling quasi-argument will ensue. It doesn't get too heated usually.
So, here's what I was thinking about saying when Aunt Chicken Little makes her next prophecy of Armageddon's "Nearness".
OM: So, Auntie Chicken Little, just how near is "near" in your mind?
ACL: *Flustered that someone dares to not just nod and give a mindless amen. So she goes on the attack* "Well, OM, don't YOU think it's near? I mean that's what the Slave Class is telling us? Well, don't you?"
OM: Oh, I'm sure if the Slave says it's near, it must be near, * * it's just when it comes to words that refer to the passage of time, people often have different ideas as to exactly what they mean.
ACL: So what do you think "near" means then?
OM: Well, I suppose it could mean next month, but with the new understanding of "generation", it could be 100 years from now.
ACL: Oh no it could not!
OM: Are you sure about that?
ACL: Of course I am. There is no way that this world can.....(blah, blah, wars, crime, morals, pollution, blah, blah).... continue on that long without Jehovah stepping in.
OM: Hmmm. OK. Now I know the Watchtower has learned not to go setting any definite year for the end to come, but, in your mind is there a DECADE that you would say Armageddon will be here by? (This is deceptive, I know, because if you commit to a decade, you're still committing to a year, but math and logic isn't exactly ACL's strong suit)
ACL: Well, it's not for me to say.
OM: Well, actually ACL, you already did imply that Armageddon will be here no later than the year 2109, one hundred years from now. Remember? Do you still think that's accurate?
ACL: Yes. There's no way this system will go on another 100 years.
OM: Okay. Well how about 50? Is there any way this system will still be around in 2059?
ACL: No. I just can't see that happening.
OM: How about 40?
ACL: I know where you're going with this and I'm not going to make a prophecy when the F&D Slave won't either!
OM: Okay, okay. But you're still sure it will be here by 2059?
ACL: Yes.
OM: Are you sure enough to give up the house you inherited from your long-deceased, affluent, non-JW husband?
ACL: What?
OM: Your house. If you're POSITIVE that Armageddon will be here by 2059, then you should have no problem signing over the deed to it, effective January 1, 2059. Or, are you REALLY that sure?
ACL: That's ridiculous! Besides, Christians aren't supposed to gamble!
OM: Oh, I agree. That's why I won't be offering anything in return if you end up being right. Wouldn't want to be betting. No, it would just be a unilateral contract. A demonstration of just how strong your faith is that Armageddon will be here by 2059.
ACL: This is ludicrous. I'm doing no such thing!
OM: Okay, okay, ACL. Don't get all upset. I was just trying to get you to see things from the perspective of a young JW.
ACL: What?
OM: When people make statements that GUARANTEE that Armageddon will be here before my children will need to think about retirement, they're asking my kids to do what I just asked you to do.
ACL:
OM: Hey, ACL, would you mind passing the Turkey?
Gobble Gobble.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
om