This last week has been especially hard for me. This is all new to me, and as most of you know, the journey is gut wrenching, quite painful. Lately, I've been trying to take the go with the flow approach. But, it doesn't seem to be working. The past couple of weeks, I've got in touch, via facebook ,with a couple of df-d friends whom I haven't spoken to in years. I mean these weren't just go to the movies once in awhile friends, these were my best friends. I've missed them all this time and missed out of so much of their lives. I feel bad for shunning them, but I truly believed doing so was putting my love for Jehovah first in my life. It was agony for me. But, anyway, to make a long story short, I just feel torn, and trapped. I have a couple close friends in and family members that would be devastated if I just stopped going to meetings. And I'm not sure if I'm ready to stop all together or what to believe anymore. If this post is confusing, well, just imagine what's going on in my head right now. I'm glad to have this forum to vent. But, the best way to describe it is trapped between two different worlds. I mean lately, I really can't get the way most of the ones at the hall talk. They seem foreign to me now. But, I haven't yet reached the same level as my friends who left and celebrate all the holidays now. I'm afraid I'm destined to be a total misfit, but being raised a Witness has prepared me well for this. lol.
Still Confused
by EmptyInside 10 Replies latest jw friends
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yknot
......it takes time for some.....
Finding a balance is hard, sometimes impossible. Keep up your 'theocratese', know your pubs, and come up with a plausible schtick as to why you need to start missing meetings..... keep making 'progress' to find and establish social ties away from the WTS.
Your on the right track, but like all roads to freedom......it is filled with many hurdles and occassional backtracking.
Yknot....of the I was only 'out' for nearly 3 months back in 08' class.
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inbetween
its not an easy path, not all and everything about being a JW is bad, not all dubs are judgemental and blind, not all teachings are harmful.
its a task of finding out what is what, and who is who.
and also where is your place in all of that.
it may take time, but do not be hasty, take it slow and consider all options, stick to plans, that are least harming to your self and the ones you cherish.
and share your thoughts here, its a good place, you find all kind of expereinces, some surely are in a similar situation as yours.
good luck.
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Newborn
Dear emptyinside, I think most of us been where you are right now...so you're in the right place. We understand you completely.
I'm sure everything will sort itself out for you in due course...you have to come to the right conclusions and decisions for yourself...it can't be forced. Be patient and let it take it's time.
If you could just leave the wt-org without any concequences it would be so much easier but that's not the case (that's why it's a cult)...we will have to face being shunned by are closest family and friends etc. That's tough indeed!! I've lost my sister and it's painful everyday but I still think that my gained freedom, self-esteem and new better friends is worth it.
All the best to you and good luck. Let us know how you're doing.
Love
Newborn
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leavingwt
EmptyInside,
I well remember the confusion in the early stages of my exit. It's easy to doubt yourself, etc. I recall waking up at night, not being able to sleep, asking myself what the Hell I was going to do.
It will get easier.
I'm not certain what books you've read, during this phase of exit/deconstruction. The book that was really helpful to me was, 'Combatting Cult Mind Control', by Steve Hassan. It really helped me to understand what I was going through.
I hope it gets a bit easier for you.
-LWT
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life is to short
I know the feeling so well. I too hope it gets better. I truly think it just takes time. Hang in there.
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drew sagan
I'm afraid I'm destined to be a total misfit, but being raised a Witness has prepared me well for this. lol.
Define misfit
You have a pm
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jamiebowers
Hi all. I thought it best I stay a lurker. It's just right now, I'm going through some doubts and just plain discouraged. Sometimes, trying to do everything just wears me out, and I feel like I'm suffocating. After the convention this year, I cried for two weeks straight. And really didn't understand why. Well, actually, one big reason for me, is still being a single sister in my mid-thirties. I made the mistake of not marrying by the time I'm 25. And, for some reason, that fact always hits me harder at conventions. All the families sitting around me. And seeing the younger generation pair up. And I feel life has passed me by. Everyone tells me, wait until the new system. It really provides little comfort. It kills my self-esteem. And I just feel unworthy. And I wonder what is wrong with me. After awhile, you start to feel quite unlovable. And when you're my age and still single, I feel left out a lot of times. And because of my doubts and being "spiritually weak" a part of me is worried that it all has been in vain. All I ever wanted was to find a good Witness husband to be my best friend and serve Jehovah together. And, now, I've given up the hope that will ever happen. And now, I'm at a crossroads of sorts. That's why I'm here. Don't know how long I'll stay or what path I'm going to take. I can't make such a serious decision overnight. Sincerely
Dear heart, the above words are your first post here. Nothing should make you feel that bad. And the only one who can fix it is you. Any of your friends and family who remain in the "truth" who shuns you for seeking better, aren't worth your love or worry.
Please check your pm's.
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MissingLink
You do deserve to start living your own life. But I don't want to say too much to pressure your decision. But things aren't always as black and white as they seem. My parents have accepted my exit which I was afraid they wouldn't. And if you do things thoughtfully you may be able to achieve similar results.
We'll be here for you no matter what. Never think you're without friends.
