by dgp 17 Replies latest jw friends
If you were a JW woman, and you exposed your elder husband as a cheater, what would happen to you? Would the congregation take it against you? What would happen to your standing in the congregation? How would the rest of the congregation see you? These questions can seem stupid for you guys, but you need to remember I was never in.
Thanks in advance for any comments.
Two other elders will ask the cheater elder if he did it, if he denied it. Case closed! Two witnesses are required before they take any action.
Sorry if I am not answering your questions directly.
Whether or not the cheating elder confessed or there were two witnesses against him, the congregation's reaction to the accusing wife would depend upon several factors. The most important would be how well connected to the borg either of them were.
i have seen this happen myself, and the cong took the cheaters side completly for years, eventually thehusband confessed but not before having spent years tellling all the cong that his wife was mad and jealous and what a terrible time he had with her, poor him(!)
If you were a JW woman, and you exposed your elder husband as a cheater, what would happen to you?
First it would depend on who you exposed this info to.
Would the congregation take it against you?
People might feel sorry for you but you can be pretty assured that since they don't know what happened you will be viewed as suspect, weak, a person to be wary of.
What would happen to your standing in the congregation?
Pretty much women in the cong whose husband is no longer a JW, never a JW or on some kind of discipline live on the fringe. They are welcomes as good service buddies but your social life (what social life that any JW does have) dries up pretty fast.
I've been out a while but I suspect that for the most part that is still pretty close
How would the rest of the congregation see you?
Depends....
How does the JW wife expose his 'sins' ...... if to the Elders alone (see above carpet sweep commentary), if it is to her 'Sisters' in the congregation in moments of sheer grief.......well then his 'sin' becomes 'known'.
Also the harlot he is cheating with matters...... a worldly girl or another Sister (married/unmarried).
Do the other Elders like the man, or is this a perfect chance to be rid of the cad from the BOE......
What was the wife's standing socially prior to the cheating (who was more popular him/her)
Is the BOE likely to 'feel' for the guy and encourage 'forgiveness' so as not to start a wildfire of divorces......
I think more details are needed........ including the 'temperment' of the CO..
I very much thank you all for taking the time to respond. Here's some additional information.
The wife apparently got a scriptural divorce. At least they are not living together anymore, and he moved to a different congregation.
The other woman was in the same congregation.
I know for a fact that the man was in contact with at least one ministerial servant. Does this mean he was not disfellowshipped, only asked to change congregation?
The daughter of this couple did meet with the man recently.
I believe both of the people involved in the couple had a very good standing in the congregation. Knowing the person, I doubt she would have spread any gossip. But I am sure people in the congregation knew about the cheating. You know how the wife is always the last person to know.
She's moving to another congregation, too.
I ask the question because I want to know the person's possible standing in the congregation. I know this is a lot of speculation.
I recently checked the Panorama series and found that a wife who accused her elder husband of molesting their daughters was told to be a "good wife", shut up, and pray. In the end, even though the man had indeed abused the daugthers, AND THE ELDERS KNEW, the congregation stood before the man. The woman and the girls had to leave the home, and "lost everything in one day". It got me thinking.
Thank you very much, once again.
You have to remember that JW's like to believe that worldly people are immoral but JW's are not.
They would rather believe that the accuser is lying then believe that a member is an adulterer or a child molester.
And so an accuser is always taking a huge risk.
A fatherless underage teen boy in my old hall told the BOE that the elder who was studying with him was also trying to have sex with him. Well the other elders just brushed him off and then couldn't wait to get home to tell there families this outrages tale. The story spread like wildfire in the congo and no one took the boy seriously, he just got laughed at.
I don't know what happened to the boy, I hope he is OUT of the borg. But years later, the congo was shocked to find out that the cops had come to elder molesters house and drug him away in cuffs because of the accusations of other young boys.
I think a lot of unwarranted negativity may have been expressed here..
Reading between the lines of your later post, it may well be that the husband eventually confessed and "repented" thus was not disfellowshipped . The wife could still get a scriptural divorce.
In my experience the congregation would be expected to be supportive of her, especially the sisters !, but the elders too ..
If a case happened where a husband denied it, the elders could not disfellowship him on one persons word , without other corroboration. They would back off and let the couple alone.
ASphere said: "You have to remember that JW's like to believe that worldly people are immoral but JW's are not."
I've noticed this among even nice JWs I've met: most of them seem to feel that they are not worthy of Jehovah or other more devoted JWs, but they are ALWAYS better than worldly people. Like, I've heard tales of JW infidelity and it oftentimes seems to be portrayed as less serious/sinful/immoral than a worldly person's infidelity. Oh well!
