Elder won't marry mum because my brother's gay

iMARX

I know that the elders and all JWs have stupid "conscience" decisions to make from time to time, but this topped it for me.

My brother's gay and that's why he left the religion a few years ago. Now my mum wants to get re-married to another brother but the elder that she asked to marry them both declined. He says that it would bother his conscience too much "because of Luke living with you, because he's...ya know...gay!"

My mum was horrified and called him homophobic! My mum's taken a while to accept both me and Luke for being gay but she knew this was too far. She came close to leaving the religion because of it, but is now just going to get married in a registry office with no witnesses.

She says that she did lots of research into this issue because it really stumbled her, but she told me and Luke that she couldn't find anything in any of the publications about elders refusing to marry two witnesses because of one of their children being gay! The elder said that the only way he'll marry them is if my mum kicked my brother out of the house. What the hell??? What would Jehovah think eh???

sir82

because of Luke living with you

Can't say for sure, as I wasn't there, but I suspect the real issue is that a DF'ed person (or someone who would be DF'ed if a JW) is living in your mom's house. That's a strict no-no, unless it's some sort of emergency situation (like the DF'ed person needing round the clock medical attention).

To the eggshell-fragile conscience of the elder, it appears that your mom is condoning your brother's lifestyle.

Elsewhere

> she couldn't find anything in any of the publications about elders refusing to marry two witnesses because of one of their children being gay!

The really sad thing is that she has been programmed to do such research in the WTS publications.

stillin

I know an elder who doesn't want to marry any sister who has kids with any problems. Even grown children who have moved out on their own. He never had kids in his previous marriage (his wife died.) And I guess he just knows his own limitations. That's his business. We all have our baggage to carry, don't we?

HappyGuy

I always found it ridiculous that the consciences of these "strong men of faith" are so easily offended, and they are so easily "stumbled".

feeling good

don't feel bad they wouldn't marry me either... both my husband and I were witnesses.

M

blondie

I agree with sir82 that the real issue is that a df'd person is living in her home, not the gay part.

yknot

Recently there was hints that adult children who are DFd/DAd or doing something that is a no-no according to the WTS.....should be asked to leave by their parents.

Saoirse

Some elders can be real idiots. I once overheard our PO tell someone not to hold a baby at the KH because the baby's mother was DFed. It turned my stomach to hear that and it's one of the things that set me on the path out of the WT.

I'm glad to hear that your Mum stood up for your brother and didn't kick him out of the house. It's a shame though that she can't have a nice wedding because that elder is acting like a Pharisee. Is there any chance that she can appeal the decision or find another elder to marry them?

carpediem

Welcome iMarx, its damn good to have you here!!!

I know the situation iMarx speaks of. Luke isnt df'd or da'd, he never got baptised. He lives by the rules in his mother's house. Despite this, the elder won't marry his mother or fiancee, a bro and sis both in good standing. By making an issue of this the elder calls in to question every single witness living in a household with a child/young person not living by bible standards OUTSIDE of the family home.

I am so glad to be out of it - a man made religion with pompous men and their stupid life wrecking rules!

Elder won't marry mum because my brother's gay

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