Dealing with reality after leaving the witnesses

by lancelink 12 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  lancelink

  This afternoon I was reading newsweek, and Smithsonian magazine online, and there were two video's on the sites that really caused a massive conflict in me.

  One video was about the 3rd and 4th generations of children living in Viet Nam who had grandparents, and great-grandparents who had to deal with agent orange back in the 1960's. Sorry I can't find the video now. It was so horrible looking at the young children who never will have any type of a decent life because of the problems they inherited from this stuff.

  Then I was reading the Smithsonian Magazine and there was a vidoe about illegal wildlife trade in the world:

  http://www.smithsonianmag.com/people-places/Wildlife-Trafficking.html

  Watch the video "African Ape smuggling" about halfway down the page

  So needless to say, I was slightly disheartened about life after watching these two videos. A part of me wanted to do something such as send in some money, to help the kids and animals, but a little voice kept nagging me while watching that said "don't get involved, god will take care of these problems WITHOUT your help.

  After being a witness for 30 years, I remember the mantra of focusing on the new system to end all the problems. Getting involved in any way would be a total waste of time. Don't send in money or get involved because jehovah will soon wipe away all types of problems like these.

  Yet now I wonder what I could have done in other avenues of charity work if I had a bit more of a backbone in my earlier years.

  No doubt I would have gotten involved in other areas such as local food pantries, big brother, and more animal welfare areas.

  But even though I have been out of the jw religion now for around two years, that little voice from the wt organization still raises its ugly head when I think about helping someone/something in a charitable way.

  I realize that I need to "break" the mold and move on, yet I am curious,,,,, how long did it take you to finally move on and be able to freely do something out of the feeling found deep within your soul and not have the wt diverting all of your thoughts and energies into what they wanted you to be focusing on ??
• 

  SPAZnik

  Hi lancelink,

  I can totally relate to your comments and appreciate the way you described the very real feelings of cognitive dissonance like a little voice. One thing that's helped me is to rethink the "morals" to certain "scripts" as it were, such as that one about the "master" that leaves his "slaves" in charge and comes back to see what they did with their "talents". He was not happy with those that said we just hid our talent in the sand because we were afraid of how mean you are. In my experience, this is exactly what JWs do with their interpretation of things. Hide their talents in the sand because Jehovah is such a vengeful god. So they run circles around the word talent to justify why they don't take care of this planet.

  Not sure if that helps or just becomes more confusing by using the scripts of our upbringing. But it helped me to rethink that one, so I thought I'd share. :) I guess you could say that change takes time. :)
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  kurtbethel

  Think about this. When you blow off dealing with some tragedy and helping to make the world better, you are operating very much like those rapture cultists who do not get involved because Jesus is going to beam them up before the crap hits the fan.
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  LouBelle

  Hi Lancelink: I was pretty much raised a JW and only left when I was 29 (33 now) I was very fortunate in that I broke that restrictive thinking they had on me very quickly. I literally jumped in the deep end, and celebrated birthdays, wished people happy birthday, if they sneezed, I would say bless you - though it felt odd saying those things, it help to break that mould. So I would suggest donate to a charity of your choice, it's the experience of doing something you've never done that will add a little more something to your life.
• 

  WTWizard

  And the witlesses keep you blind to the development of things in the real world. Regardless of religion, there are world leaders with bad intents (and it is debated as to whether they merely want all your money, or whether they want to depopulate the world--both sides are easy enough to find bountiful information to support on Google). And, the witlesses are totally oblivious to it, thinking that Jehovah is going to take care of it (He has dawdled on that since 1874).

  Rather, it pays to keep abreast of these issues without washtowel bias. You reasonably expect hyperinflation--prepare accordingly now, so you will not get hit later. You reasonably expect vitamins to become illegal in the near future, stock up now so you will have a few years' worth of them. You expect to see forced flu shots, you research how to best counteract the bad effects of them and take appropriate action. That way, if nothing happens, you are at least prepared--by not having to buy vitamins again for a few years or having your major repairs and upgraded items bought so you don't have to worry for a few years.

  Instead, the witlesses tell you to wait on Jehovah. He will take care of it, so you do not prepare. Then, if the man-made disaster does happen, you suffer. If it does not, you still have crappy items that could have been replaced or whatever you could have prepared for. And, you do not get the education you need--to prepare for the world, regardless of whether these doomsday predictions do partially or totally come true or not. Worse, you still waste your money--instead of on vitamins and home improvements, on field circus and the Worldwide Pedophile Defense Fund.

  Better instead to do the research yourself. Look at those doomsday sites as well as the mainstream sites, and the middle of the road sites. That will give you the best possible outlook, let you look at all the possibilities, and prepare as best as possible including getting that college education now instead of waiting 30 years.
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  SPAZnik

  As for how long it takes ... it's really up to you and your circumstances to decide what you are ready, willing, and able to do. Everyone is so different.

  I recommend studying up on "change management" because it's a pretty big change. In some ways, it's also comparable to what migrants go through when they switch countries, so I'd recommend reading up on culture shock or things along that line.

  Other than that, my only recommendation is to listen to your instincts. They're your instincts for a reason (even though the WTS would have been just as happy to beat them out of people). Most of all, I still think do what you love. Just take a few deep breaths, give yourself a break from all the life and death seriousness of everything, and get busy exploring new frontiers that you've always wanted to try out. :)

  I've also found it helps to look at religion much like you look at sports teams. They all think God is on their side and they're simply in competition with one another. Reading up on anthropology helped me a bit. It's fascinating to get a bird's eye view of the fact that gods really are made in man's image and not the other way around.

  Oh, and don't worry about the A word. JC wuz was one too, remember? :o)

  All the best,

  SPAZnik
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  SPAZnik

  Start small.
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  SPAZnik

  The first time I volunteered for a non-jw charity, it was for this place that simply made sandwiches for workers below the poverty line.

  I was terrified. I even used a fake name. LMAO. But it was enjoyable enough that I did it twice.

  There are lots of people that leave the JWs and go on to lead fulfilling lives. I think it's cool that you are motivated towards charity stuff. I say research in your area what you can do. My city has a whole database of volunteer opportunities. That or a lot of schools teach courses about how to get into the "non-profit" industry in a bigger (paid) way.

  Keep us posted as you go along, if you're so inclined. It would be nice to hear how things go as you spread your wings a bit.
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  SPAZnik

  You'll never really know until you try.
• 

  dig692

  I'm technically "in" and this is the first time that I am going to do some charity work after becoming a JW. I would say start small, like SPAZ said, and work your way up to the level you want to be at. Try something that isn't affiliated with any particular church or religion or organization, such as donating food or clothing to a homeless shelter, or sponsoring a family in need by providing groceries whenever possible.

  I really never understood why we weren't "allowed" to help others, and how telling something the good news was more important than giving him/her a blanket or a hamburger for crying out loud. Are they supposed to use the WT pages to keep warm in the winter?

  But like you said, that voice in the back of your head saying leave it in jehovahs hands is hard to ignore when you have been taught that for so long.