Feeling it today

by Heartbreaker 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • Heartbreaker
    Heartbreaker

    I know there is talk on here about post traumatic stress and its affects, but I never imagined I'd feel like I was going through it. Now, not on a large scale I hope, but the last few days I've just really been feeling the hurt of losing my family, and those people I counted as friends in the congregations and assemblies that will not longer view me as acceptable to be around. My teen daughters have friends, and a crowd to be around, and my husband has even made some contacts that he had before, and ones that he's met new that share hobbies and interests. My younger ones are just thrilled to be attending parties for birthdays, and class holidays etc.

    Then there is me. I can't seem to get over this hump. I reveled in gathering new information and feeling right in my leaving the Org. and that hasn't changed, but my need to fill myself with words of others, and their lives experiences has lessened.

    I recently had an oppurtunity to start a new business, and it is moving along quickly, but I'm just panicked. I can't put my finger on if I'm just drawing too many parallels to the Org with this job, or what, but I'm just deer in the headlight panicked by it all, and I can't stop just sobbing from my belly today. Just sobbing. It doesn't make sense!

    My job is as a broker/agent for major life and health insurance companies. We insure all people, those that figure they are uninsurable, those that are self employed, those that have no coverage from the small companies they work for, or their companies insurance is too expensive, you name it.

    BUT....I have to also drum up these leads and people, leaving pulltabs, and flyers, and handing out my cards and talking to strangers about it. I went up to a few business to see if I could leave a flyer, and it was like informal witnessing to me. I had a crunch in my gut over it. I hated the preaching work, absolutely hated it. I felt like if people wanted a religion, they'd find one, who were we to come in an try to change people, and with threats no less. I tried to disassociate the two in my mind, and move on. I was just being silly. Then there is the calling. Sure these people are filling out info that they WANT coverage, but I still have to call, and with a script just about, and try to set up a meeting with them, and damn if it doesn't feel like trying to start a bible study!!! Add into that I really have a hard time on the phone, making and taking calls is a sort of phobia for me, I could go the rest of my life and not talk on the phone and be just fine and dandy.

    My husband left for a (free) hunting trip this weekend, and got snowed in where he is, and can't make it back today, and now I have the dilemma of keeping kids out of school so I can go to the mandatory work meeting, and I'm feeling poor woe is me thing, because I'm not having any fun, I don't have any friends, and everyone else is going and doing and living life, and here I am calling on people that may not want my message, trying to talk to them about something they may not want to change, or afford, and while the money is SO DAMN GOOD, I just don't know if I can do it. The constant pushing myself to sell sell sell, I feel like a regular pioneer of insurance world. My manager is pulling in 6 figures, and we are about to lose our house to foreclosure. My husband and I have been unemployed since the spring, and stand to lose everything materially, have lost everything spiritually, family, friends...it's just too much. And now they are all counting on me to pull it out of my ass and save em all. Don't get me wrong, my husband has small construction projects here and there, but the market is just not there for his line of work. He's trying too, I just feel the pressure. I spent the last 16 years raising our children, and was finally about to get a break, and now I feel like I'm the one who is going to break. I just can't handle the pressure right now, and I'm sad, and I'm scared. And you

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Dear Heartbreaker,

    Please hang on ... let us collect our thoughts and get back to you.

    Your story rings SO true in all its aspects for many of us.

    Love,

    CoCo

  • Heartbreaker
    Heartbreaker

    and you are probably glad the rest of that got cut off. I know I am.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Oh ... just noticed!

    You're among friends here who've been to hell and back. We want to reach out and help others, such as yourself, so that you can recover emotionally and, likewise, assist future members of these boards, among others, of course.

    I was a basket case myself and now consider myself at the fifth and final stage of the grieving process. I was a time bomb waiting to go off ...

    Be back,

    CC

  • truthseekeriam
    truthseekeriam

    Heartbreaker,

    I'm going to tell you something I needed to hear today.

    Things will get better, and one day we will look back at these times and laugh. I'm going through a lot of the same things you are and I have to keep reminding myself why I stopped going and remind myself.... how much did I really mean to those who now ignore me and practice conditional love on me?? It helps to get me to get through some lonely weekends. The WTS mean for it to be hard on those who leave, they make sure of it hoping we go crawling back. Just keep you head up and remind yourself in those moments of stress and hurt.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    As to the similarities between secular and our former "religious" duties, you're entitled to feel overwrought. Since I am currently unemployed, you'd think I'd jump at any work opportunity. Well, yes and no. If I had your family and financial commitments [I once did], I'd do whatever came my way. Been there, done that.

    At this very moment, however, you're dealing specifically with the absence of your husband, the solo care of the kids, getting off in time to a job that churns your gut ...

    Any way you can compartmentalize all these worries and duties?

    CC

  • Heartbreaker
    Heartbreaker

    Thank you CC for being so gentle with me, I really need it. Not always, just today for some reason. That's one of the hardest things, as I'm usualy the one with the stiff upper lip and no emotion. I'm just a real hot mess.

    truthseeker - sorry to hear that you are in a similiar place, that is really tough. (((())))'s to you.

    I will make one thing clear though, I WILL NOT go back, I will never go back again. I was DF'd and went back a decade ago, because of needing family, and I will not make that mistake again. They will take me as I am, or they can leave ME! I left no one. It's their sickness, not mine.

    I'm just feeling lonely, like you said truthseeker. Lonely, yet surrounded by so many kids. Somehow that's worse, having to continue to care for people and tell people no you can't afford XYZ, and no, we won't be doing Xmas because we are broke, and to avoid the scary mail, and have to work at something new all at the same time. I just needed a pity party for a bit, and thanks for attending, there are cookies and Kahlua in the kitchen, or vodka and smoked salmon over crusty bread and a nice apricot reduction drizzle. Whatever.

  • purplesofa
    purplesofa

    I remember when I was DF and I poured myself into my work.

    There is much to tell, but I am lazy to write it down.....

    a very wise person told me

    Your job is not your religion, she knew nothing of me being a JW.

    But she must have sensed that I made my career my "church"

    It's easy to do, takes time get a new balance and find the right joy in things again.

    The highs and lows when leaving can and will be at times ~~~

    overwhelming.

    The loss of familiarity and friends is very real.

    Takes time to replace, I am still working on it.

    Hang in there.

    purps

  • purplesofa
    purplesofa

    thanks for the Kaluha

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Dear Heartbreaker,

    It seems ironic, given the high drama resulting from our having once "taken a stand" for Jehovah, that now, in converse fashion, we are taking a position of refusing to compromise our new ethic. My withdrawal from the toxicity that you have also escaped has brought me to the realization that I cannot return either. The issues that strike a nerve with me are "worship" of the FDS/GB and their collective bloodguilt resulting from numerous doctrinal and procedural matters.

    Brother Knorr, one morning at breakfast, told us that there is bad association at Bethel; guard yourself from it.

    All right, will do!

    Your menu sounds great. Let me get on my jacket and shoes ...

    CoCo

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