Help re: objections to Christmas

by greenie 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  greenie

  Hi everyone! Haven't posted my own topic in a while, so I thought I'd go with this one. Back in October/November MJ started a thread on help with Thanksgiving objections. So, can you guys offer help with Christmas objections? Here's my goal: to create a situation where my JW might feel comfortable enough joining in celebrations with my family and our friends for the season (this would include Christmas, and regular holiday parties). Any ideas? Although I don't agree with him and his take on the holiday, I also don't want to be contentious or make him really uncomfortable; at the same time, I need, for myself, to create an environment where my family and I are still able to carry on our traditions. I think, therefore, that a starting point will be that he doesn't have to participate in any of them if he doesn't want to. This will be a challenge for me because I do participate in his foreign-to-me JW customs, like celebrating his parents' anniversary, but I think it should be up to him. Any ideas that you have or advice from your own experiences - for example on what might be doable for a non-diehard JW or discussions on matters of conscience - are welcome. And yes, I am determined to keep a positive attitude about all of this.

  My family has asked what they should do in regards to him, but I told them they should continue their traditions while they are conscience of his. This would mean, for example, that they would still get him presents and invite him to parties as this is important to them, but they won't be offended that they don't get a gift from him. So...thoughts?
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  PSacramento

  It is not up to YOU to convince ANYONE of joing in any celebration.

  If this person truly feels that taking a day to celebrate the birth of our saviour is damning for his salvation then there is nothing you can do about it.

  You can celebreat Hannakah, Jesus did so that is obvioulsy ok :)

  The early JW's celebrated Christmas and they knew it was not the day of Christ's birth and that it MAY have had pagan undertones ( it doesn't).

  Fact is, there is no reason NOT to celebrate Christmas other than Rutherford started the ban ( after he celebreated it for years) and the GB continued it, for now anyway.
• 

  undercover

  When you say, "my JW" is this a spouse, signigicant other, hopeful SO or just a friend? I gather that you are not, or haven't been, a JW. Is that correct?

  If you're not married or in a committed relationship, I would just invite him to your xmas celebrations and if he declined, let it be. Go yourself and enjoy your traditions.

  If you're in a relationship, like marriage or similar, but you're not a JW...again, invite him to your celebrations. If he declines, go and enjoy yourself.

  My family has asked what they should do in regards to him, but I told them they should continue their traditions while they are conscience of his. This would mean, for example, that they would still get him presents and invite him to parties as this is important to them, but they won't be offended that they don't get a gift from him.

  This is a good response, except they don't have to give him presents. He will not be offended. But do invite him to the parties, to which he'll probably decline the invitation. But the continual invite let's him know that you guys do think about him and aren't going to tippytoe around your traditions just because he's different.

  Xmas is a big taboo with JWs. For most of them, they're not going to compromise their principles fear of displeasing Jehovah the Organization.

  I wouldn't force the issue too much. Just let him know the invitations are always open and he's always welcome should he wish to join the festivities. Until he's ready to venture into "pagan" territory on his own, any attempt to "make" him attend/join in will be met with strong resistance.
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  greenie

  Yep, to be crystal clear, I'm will not be trying to MAKE him do anything. Really my ultimate goal is to create a situation in which all parties involved can be as comfortable as possible. It's awkward for him to celebrate Christmas, it's awkward for me (and my family) not to. And my family knows they don't have to give him presents, it's just an act that is important and uplifting to them, so I don't want to tell them not to do it. And I think it is a good gesture for him to observe, as well. It defeats all the WTS teaching about how materialistic these holidays are - my family gives very meaningful, heartfelt and thoughtful gifts. I think that comes from growing up without a lot of moolah.

  And we are in a very serious relationship and I am not a JW, he is a born in not practicing.
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  BluesBrother

  Since I got married, many years ago, I have had non j w relatives who want to celebrate and for a long time I was an active dub who wanted to do "the right thing" ..It all came down to compromise and conscience. My wife and the dub ones of her family were used to getting a little more involved than I was and I learned the benefits and need to give a little.

  We would have a nice meal but no decorations or crackers . Somebody would buy a Christmas cake , and somebody else would serve it minus the holly decoration...

  Nowadays I am among the non believers in J W and don't care about their requirements ...I am saying , I suppose that all Witnessess do different things "according to their conscience" and I am sure that with a little give and take a compromise for "your J W " should be possible
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  yknot

  I like your approach!

  It is nice that want to respect his traditions but don't forsake your own.......respect is a two way street.

  Talk to him about where he can meet you in the middle....... Many JWs like to ride around admiring holiday lights.

  Tell him yall as a family need to create a neutral tradition for yall's blended family.......

  Remind him where you have made sacrifices, talk about comprises, trade-offs and the sorts.

  Remind him of his official position in the congregation and the 'loopholes' that exist as a result of this and your being an UBM.

  If you haven't........go take that beautiful baby of yalls into a photo-studio and get some adorable Xmas and 'winter' pics for the grandparents!

  Our two pics this year were candy-cane workshop (kids dressed as Elves) and skiing as a 'snow family'......two different cards for different families.
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  The Almighty Homer

  Have a very mild and toned down Christmas, it is after all a religious holiday.

  Inviting people over for dinner or something to that effect is considered mild, without caroling ..bla bla bla

  You be surprised on how many people are doing this now, the younger generation is taking on a much lesser approach to Christmas that in the past.

  It might be that there is a greater percentage of people that are not involved in religion as a possibility.

  I usually invite my JW brother and his wife out to dinner and a movie and a invitation usually follows by them.

  The no worries about what to cook and all the fuss gets handed over to a restaurant.

  We have an arrangement that we don't bring up religion, its worked for the past 30 years so why change it.
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  agonus

  How 'bout the classic "Christmas at Bethel" photo? I think it's still in the Proclaimers book.
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  WuzLovesDubs

  The JW always manage to celebrate Thanksgiving. They find a way to have that big turkey dinner with all the EXACT SAME FIXINs just not on the same day the rest of us do. And the same can be done with Christmas. The holiday is long and even when I was a JW we went a couple days before or even AFTER Xmas day to be with my family for a get together. And I didnt buy gifts as a JW but they did give me little things anyway and I was gracious about receiving them. The RELATIVES are not under the same inane rules as the JWs are and THEY shouldnt have to cow tow to that organization. If they want to give gifts from the heart those gifts should be RECEIVED and the giver not insulted.

  Dont force him to do anything he doesnt want to do or he will end up ruining your joy and you will spend ALL your time catering to him.
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  dig692

  There is a section in the God's Love book in the chapter about holidays, not sure if he has a copy or if there is a way to obtain one, but you should look into it as it has an interesting paragraph about JW's with unbelieving mates. I'm not sure of the exact words it uses and I'm pretty sure it was applied to Thanksgiving (although I don't see why Christmas or any other holiday couldn't be used here) but it says something to the effect that if a JW has an unbelieving mate that wants to get together with his/her family for Thanksgiving, the JW might see it as simply an opportunity to get together with his mate's family for dinner and to enjoy each other's company. He doesn't have to see it as celebrating the holiday, just as a time to get together with family that he might not otherwise have a chance to see, since this is usually when most people have days off from work.

  Use this as a starting point, just to establish that while, yes, your family is celebrating the holiday, like Christmas, for him it can simply be about the association, just getting together with your family and talking, laughing, sharing stories...just enjoying spending time together. He doesn't have to join in the festivities, like gift giving, singing, decorting a tree, or whatever the case may be, if his conscience is affected by it.