what do you think of the elders who df'd you?

c.t.russel the IVth

Your thoughts on the elders that made up the 'comittee' that disfellowshipped you. Did you want to get even somehow or?

babygirl30

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH....this is a good question!

My situation is a lil 'different' because 2 of the 3 elders and I had a run in a year BEFORE I was Df'd. These 2 brothers are VERY cold and VERY demeaning (borderline abusive) and I had reported their ridiculous comments/behavior to the CO (who handled it). At first when I wanted to 'confess' my sins - I ASKED to have 2 brothers stop by, and it was my P.O. (cong overseer) at the time and another elder which i am comfortable with. After that initial mtg, I specifically asked that the 2 elders whom I had issues with would NOT be on my JC - and a week later was told that the elders met and decided that those very elders I BEGGED not to be involved in my case (due to personal issues) were put on!

And here I am DF'd....over 1yr now. I guess I should actually THANK them now.

Aussie Oz

I was D/F 10 years ago for commiting adultery to free my ex to remarry.

I felt/feel sorry for them. In my case, they were friends, liked me very much and i liked them. Two of the few it seems genuine kind hearted elders, and were quite pained at having to do it, They looked for every oportunity not to d/f. They asked me what they ought to do, i just replied that if i was them i would disfellowship. I was not sorry for leaving, not sorry for freeing my ex and did not feel in any way that i had offended a God that i no longer had a relationship with.

oz

feenx

I was pretty angry with mine for a while. I'd known all three of them since childhood. And they really did a bang up job with my JC hearing. Yes, singular. No multiple sessions or anything like that. The entire process from initial meeting to their decision took less than the time for a school and service meeting. I know this because we met in the basement of the hall when the other congregation was having their meeting, and start to finish I was done and outta there before the congregation upstairs was done.

I was told later, by my mother, who had heard herself through the never ending grape vine of information (my father is also an elder and was told by a JC member), that after I left they all cried. Well boo hoo for them. They didn't even want to get into anything other than the surface things, the action itself. I tried explaining my motivations and what state of mind I was in, and they just didn't want to hear it. A couple years later my grandfather died and I relucantly attended his memorial service. Two of them stayed on the complete opposite end of the hall from me, couldn't even look me in the eye. ESPECIALLY the main guy on the JC, which I personally find (now looking back) offensive because he was extremely close with my grandparents and my family. And I am the only grandson. He couldn't even muster a look in my direction. Another member of the JC came up to speak with my father, who I was standing right by, and he would glance over in my direction, and then say something to my father, almost like he was saying it to me through my father. My mother seemed to think they all felt guilty because they know they just did a wham bam thank you maam job on my JC issue. So I was bitter for a while.

But in all reality, they obviously saw something that I didn't at the time. Yeah, I had a lot of motivation that led me to committ fornication, well besides the obvious ;) At the time I saw that motivation as something different than it was. There was a big part of me that I was too afraid to acknowledge that abhorently hated being a JW. And my life is so much better now than it ever could've been inside the WTBS. I've grown exponentially since then and am actually truly happy now.

I now see them simply as people. We all respond to life in different ways. They respond to life by living it in a way I don't agree with, and in their position they were doing what they thought they had to, to preserve their own place in what they felt was the right organization and teachings to be a part of.

I am still angry in the sense of disrespect and lack of compassion they are supposed to have dedicated themselves to show to everyone. But we all know that is nothing but a farse.

So they are what they are, and I am what I am.

I am proud to say I've been DF'd for 7 years now.

flipper

No. I didn't want to get even . Just didn't want to see or deal with such unjust men again. What did I think of them ? Most of them were twisted , power hungry , mind controlled A-holes who used mind control on the rank and file members. That's it in a nutshell

Aussie Oz

I must add, if i knew then what i know now... i would have faked a real good repentance and stayed as a fading, on the edge JW so that i could influence my kids from within. If my teens get dunked anytime soon, thats gunna be real hard to deal with.

oz

restrangled

Fantastic question.....lets go back to 1974, I was 16.

First Elder: Later found out he was having an affair with the mother, that I was babysitting for the entire time....5 boys. He's dead now.

Second Elder: A wife abuser, his daughter was close to 300 pounds at age 13, and his son wasn't far off. Update: His wife died of a heart attack in her 40's....don't know what happened to the kids.

3rd, elder was a bald headed idiot made an elder straight out of Bethel in his 20's. A real pisser. He wound up having a red headed kid that screamed bloody murder from the day he was born.

4Th, elder....real popular...good speaker, great sense of humor....also had a red headed kid that gave him hell. The only elder to apologize to me.....too little too late.

5Th elder: Lots of money, no kids, and his wife was a sweetheart... she sent me a wonderful card.

Second group assigned by the Society:

I have no idea, just 4 more men from another hall and they reversed the decision, after a torturous session that no teenager should ever have to go through, much less twice.

Outcome: The decision to DF was reversed. Outcome for me? Utter depression, panic, hate, loathing, ....of my self and JW's.....

What would any one expect from a 16 year old girl....I was destroyed.

It has taken years to recover, and sometimes I don't think I ever did.

r.

babygirl30

restrangled

Oh my God - THAT is a terrible thing to have to go through as a KID!!!

flipper

RESTRANGLED- I'm so sorry you had to go through that at age 16. It's disgusting. My DFing was overturned in 2007 and it created very ill feelings and hate towards the WT society also in me. It sucked 10 months out of my life while my wife and I were constantly harassed on the phone by elders wanting to meet with me for something I would not confess to. In that time I went on blood pressure medicine to deal with the stress. And I was in my late 40's at the time ! I hadn't attended meetings for 4 years anyway - and when they finally overturned the DFing the appeal elders said, " Mr. Flipper we encourage you to go back to meetings where you live ! " I said, " No thanks. You guys have stressed me out enough. Don't think so. " Peace out, Mr. Flipper

restrangled

Babygirl, technically.....it never happened....it was erased from the congregations records and at head quarters....

but I still exist. I have never stopped feeling the pain. They can erase all the like,....they can't erase me.

what do you think of the elders who df'd you?

Share this