Not sure how to handle this one

by Heartbreaker 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  Heartbreaker

  One of my children was a twin. I'm hoping that by stating this, I'm not giving too much of my identity away, but here I go anyway.

  One child a twin, only survivor. It was always told to this kid that the twin would maybe be met in the "new system". It was asked of me tonight now that we don't go to the meetins anymore, how would we ever see the twin. Obviously the child thinks that others will still get the reward, and since we chose holidays and birthdays and freedom on weekends, that they won't get that prize. How sad. I'm just struck over and over again how deeply this religion was engrained in our lives, even for our young children.

  The other thing we hear regularly is "Not as strong/big/high/smart/(etc) as Jehovah!!" By another one of our children. We don't even TALK about Jehovah, God, or religion in our house at all, and it's been 6 months since we've set foot in a Kingdom Hall. This child is younger than school age. It truly makes my heart ache for all the indoctrination I allowed, encouraged, and personally did. Wondering how long it will take before it fades away, and they are free of it, and "normal" kids.

  PS. Also, a lunchbox for our family was found as we were cleaning out a closet, and one kid insisted keeping it, because it was for assemblies of course. SIGH
• 

  Robdar

  Wondering how long it will take before it fades away, and they are free of it, and "normal" kids

  Define "normal."

  It seems to me your kids are normal young people who are possibly grieving over forced changes they do not yet understand. They are also probably missing their friends and companions. Keep them busy and distracted. Get them involved in social activities that involve other kids their age. Time passes quickly and the old ways will fade eventually.
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  dgp

  Agree with Robdar. It's always amazing how human beings recover from this kind of things as soon as they get some freedom.
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  Heartbreaker

  They had no friends their age at the hall. Our family was the only one with young children to speak of, and they often wanted friends from school etc, and now they have all they want. Regular playdates and sports activities to boot.

  I agree about the forced changes, as they didn't decide to leave, we did....but at the same time I'm not ready to sit them down and tell them all the doctrical fallacies etc...they are young. I just cringe hearing them parroting what was so obviously said to them over and over by us, and heard at the hall, and not be faced with the reality that I allowed, even encouraged that. It stings.

  But the twin thing, that was tough. Real tough. I too grieve giving up that dream, honestly, as that was a child of mine too, and a twin connection that was never denied to my surviving child...but for this child of mine, tears in the eyes etc, made it so hard to swallow. I just gave a hug and held tight for a bit and said we still didn't know all the answers, and sometimes that's ok, having thought we had all the answers before, and didn't really. I'd rather be right that we don't know it all, than be wrong and assume we did.

  I hope that you are right about the time passing quickly and things looking up for them. Time will tell...Thanks Robyn :)
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  Robdar

  (((((HB)))))

  It will all work itself out. You are a kind and sensitive parent, how could it not work out?
• 

  BabaYaga

  Heartbreaker said:

  I just gave a hug and held tight for a bit and said we still didn't know all the answers, and sometimes that's ok

  Touche'. That is beautiful, and it is right and true. I agree with Robdar. You are a kind and sensitive parent, and everything will be wonderful. Hang in there, and let them grow into knowing at their own precocious paces.
• 

  compound complex

  Dear Heartbreaker :

  I, too, am a parent and suffer what you suffer. I was either too lenient or too strict, overly zealous or underly so. I have been forgiven (I have apologized) on a number of levels as a well-intentioned parent gone overboard (or underboard [?])

  I'm trying really hard to forgive myself.

  Our love and best wishes for you; it is difficult but endurable.

  CoCo
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  I quit!

  It's a tough situation. You are obivously out of the Wt but your children may be progessing more slowly. If it is the only religion they have ever known they have been indoctrinated into it from birth it may take some time. I don't know how you feel about God now but I think I would try to point out to them that if there is a God and he/she is love then he wouldn't do mean things like separate families over petty issues like meeting attendance.
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  jamiebowers

  Why not be honest and say something like, "I hope someday to see your twin again. But I don't know if it will ever happen. One thing I know for sure is that it won't happen the way it was described at the kh."
• 

  yknot

  Here is what I am doing ......

  When asked about a previously held JW belief...... I tell them that yes I once thought that to be true, but upon 'deeper' discerning research I now realize that many of what was being taught in the KH wasn't pleasing to God.......and than I insert what I believe now and corresponding bible verse or age appropriate research.

  Since I am still 'in' I use WT publications to ask them 'What do you think', "Is this true', 'What is the context of the scripture addressing' questions ....... in a sort of reverse indoctrination.

  Indoctrination happened because you engaged them with WTS information, now you can engage them using other things........children thrive on attention! They love being able to tell you what they have learned too!