Freewilly I had a nervious breakdown over it.. I rememeber I was close to 30 and got one of those emails your friends send. saying what is your favorate color and blah blah. so you can learn about your friends. I looked at the list and started crying, I had no idea what the answers was to any of the questions. All those years of doing as I was told and not thinking for myself left a big gaping hole. I almost offed myself cause I was trapped and didn't know what to do. Everything is all about appearances. How things look to others. Never mind how things REALLY are!
I remember I used to get yelled at for studing the Watchtower. Cause I was told the brothers with the mic could see I didn't have anything underlined. So I started underlining (I never learned how to study, always picked stuff up the first time in school so the whole underlining studing thing seems REALLY dumb to me). I mean just underlining any old thing just to make them happy. It's all about appearances.
Did anyone ever hear someone comment on how "real" the demonstations at the circuit assemblies and conventions were. I mean the acted out ones, with the over emphatic voices. And then the same people when they express concern for you. use that exact same voice. When I started fading as sister came up to me and sad "We Love you!" with that overacted emphatic phoney voice....I almost upchucked.
