The title of this series of threads is rhetorical. I am going to answer it with my own experience.
Before I do that, I want to discuss what we are told through the literature and the instruction that is given during meetings, assemblies and conventions, for the reasons why people leave the “Truth”.
The Watchtower of 15 November 2008, in the article “Help Them Return Without Delay” indicates people leave because of the following:
· They succumb to “anxieties of life”
· they may have been "stumbled"
· they may have a problem with teachings,
· they may be involved with wrongdoing.
So how can anxieties of life affect someone? Well according to one personal account in the aforementioned article :
“I started giving more attention to worldly matters than to spiritual things. Then I stopped studying, engaging in the ministry, and attending meetings. The next thing I knew, I was no longer a part of the Christian congregation”.
Allowing these anxieties to facilitate a drifting away from the “truth” means that an individual has put their faith and trust in Jehovah and have allowed poor spiritual habits to develop.
What about stumbling? Stumbling basically refers to the negative effect of the actions of someone in the congregation, this can be a general problem or something directed specifically at the individual who has been stumbled.
Allowing oneself to be stumbled is a sign of spiritual immaturity, or a lack of reliance on Jehovah to keep his congregation clean. It shows a proud stubborn attitude, an inability to work with the elders.
What if an individual has a problem with WTS teachings? This is of course, according to the watchtower a problem with the individual and not with them. The following statement, from the 11/15/08 article, is suggested strategy for dealing with this problem:
It may be helpful to remind an inactive one that “the faithful and discreet slave” is dispensing excellent spiritual food. (Matt. 24:45) That is how the person originally learned the truth. So why should he not be determined to walk in the truth again?—2 John 4.
Of course if the individual doesn’t respond to this reminder and they continue to feel the teaching is wrong they will be disfellowshipped for apostacy! Apostates are, according to the WTS the most dangerous people in the world, their thoughts and ideas are like powerful poison, with the potential to fatally damage the spiritual health of every member of the congregation.
A wrongdoer will either leave the congregation because they are racked with guilt or they show an unrepentant attitude and are either disfellowshipped or disassociate themselves by their actions or a formal letter. To be disfellowshipped an individual has demonstrated a wicked heart. They are a practicer of sin. This type of person wants to lead a promiscuous, debauched lifestyle. They are dealing treacherously with their marriage mate or they are lured by the machinations of Satan, they are selfish and unloving, and reject the safety of the “Christian Congregation”
So according to the society no one leaves the organisation unless they are in the wrong. They are sinners, apostates or just not putting kingdom interests first.
So where does that leave me?
Let me give you a bit of background. I was brought up a JW by my mother who was contacted during a depressive episode whilst she was pregnant. It was one of those “I was praying for help and direction & who should knock on my door? ….” experiences. My mother was in a very unhappy marriage (primarily caused by her owned neurosis), already had a year old son (my brother) and was concerned for the future (it was the mid 60’s and she was scared of everything including hippies).
My father worked in the oil industry and was often away in the Middle East for months at a time (I don’t blame him), so this gave my mother ample opportunity to become super zealous. She strongly believed that the best way to show her love for her children was by discipline, and boy did she discipline. Even today, the thing most people remember about my brother and myself when were growing up, was the frequent slaps, smacks and pulling of hair administered by my mother in the Kingdom Hall.
Throughout the 1970’s my mother’s life (supported by my father’s very good income) was pioneering, attending meetings and assemblies, and completely indoctrinating her kids through fear and constant study. When were very little she used to make us sit quietly for 2 hours on dining room chairs in order for us to do the same during the meetings. We were not allowed to fidget in the slightest unless we got a wallop. Our weekly study was the book being studied in the group (imagine at 6 years old we were studying the Babylon book) and for stints of 1 hour. Any lack of concentration was met with some form of violent discipline.
When we started school we had tell all our friends we were witnesses and expected to use every opportunity to speak up for the “truth” (which of course we didn’t). As we got older we couldn’t have friends either in the congregation or at school unless they met mother’s approval. Worldly friends were given a “Youth” book and were told they had to read it. As you can imagine we never took our school friends home!
Our school teachers were told to use the severest discipline and report any misbehaviour to my mother. Thankfully the teachers showed reasonableness and it never happened, except on one occasion where I stole materials from the science department to make fireworks, which I subsequently sold to schoolmates. Strangely enough my mother didin’t really discipline me for this, she thought it was quite funny.
My brother and I both learned to compartmentalise school and home-life so that mother never really learned who are friends were or what we were up to in school. By the late 70’s my parents had divorced, (due to my mum’s paranoia and frigidity). In order to make ends meet she started working, which reduced the constant monitoring and allowed the opportunity for both my brother and I to start making friends and do things that normal teenage kids do.
I didn't see my father for nearly 2 decades after the divorce.
To try and maintain control and instil bible principles she arranged a very full spiritual programme. We had “family study” Monday night, an Elder would study with us on a Wednesday night, meetings Tuesday, Thursday and Sundays, field service for at least two hours Saturday morning and 1 hour Sunday.. She got rid of the television, and had frequent music clearouts. We were allowed to read, and to be honest we read to our hearts content. Our one treat was we could go to the cinema with those in the truth who were deemed acceptable, a list that constantly changed, as youths in the hall started to show some individualism and various adults would upset my mother over trivial matters.
As I grew older I began to rebel, I began to resent the discipline (who wouldn’t) and my brother was developing into a supercilious, arrogant secondary parent. He would delight in trying to run my life when my mother wasn’t around (he even tried to continue in this role even after I was married). I started spending a great deal of time “working” on my friend’s parent’s farm, where I could be myself. When I went attended psychological therapy a few years back, it transpired the times on the farm were the happiest in my childhood.
I think I would have been happy to leave the organisation at that point but the regime of study and meetings and wholesome association in the congregation kept me on the “straight and narrow”. I grew very close to a couple of brothers in the congregation. One was much older than me, a musician who was extremely technically competent with electronics and motor vehicles. He became like a surrogate father to me a taught me a great many of life skills needed to get by as a young man. He got me on the district assembly assembly sound team and there I found some great buddies who seemed to have a great balance in their lives between the religion and other outside interests.
My other friend was a couple of years younger than me, we were both bright and had similar interests in music. His parents were so relaxed in their outlook compared to my mum, that I spent a great deal round his house. My mother was happy, his dad was an elder and mum was a regular auxillary pioneer. This friend became very close and eventually was my best man at my wedding. He was disfellowshipped in 2001, I will discuss to that soon.
I was now a well known figure in my circuit, with a couple of very close friends and a wide circles of others. I was baptised at 18 in 1985 just before I left 6 th form.
As I progressed through school, it became obvious I was good at science especially biology. Although my mother was an extremely zealous witness, she did have one major issue with the WTS. She felt that my brother and I should get an education and that pioneering was going to be a waste of time. She didn’t want us to go through University but to get Jobs where we would be trained and sponsored to get professional exams. There would be plenty of time to pioneer once we had an education behind us.
My mother was a nurse and suggested I got a job in a medical laboratory. I did and I hated it, I was testing blood, faeces and Urine for metabolites in order to help clinicians make a diagnosis. I was very good and the special tests where there were small or contaminated samples. I lasted about 2 years and found a role working for a speciality chemical company where I eventually got my education up to masters level and the start of a promising career (which I screwed up 12 years later).
I met my wife at sports centre in 1986. It wasn’t quite love at first sight, in fact her first impression of me was poor to say the least. Eventually (after being invited to her parents house for a party with a group of my friends) she started to see the charming, caring side of me! We fell in love and had a textbook JW courtship (didn’t even kiss until we were engaged). We were married in October 1988. We had our own studio apartment, both had good jobs and were in a congregation where my mum wasn’t! A congregation where I was just cantleave. We were both being used on the district assembly, in the congregation I was becoming an accomplished platform speaker, and we both had a regular and enjoyable share in field service, we were both very happy in our roles in the “truth”.
In 1992 I was appointed a MS servant, it took a while due to not meeting hairstyle criteria (I had a couple of 1980’s style perms) and a propensity towards sarcasm. But eventually I got there. Things were going well, happily married, good job and recognition in the congregation. I believed in the organisation and genuinely felt I was trying to lead a good Christian life.
In 1994 we moved from the city to a more rural, very middle class location. This meant a change in congregation and my first encounters with the negative side of the cult, although at that time I did not realise what I was being subject too. In fact it would take nearly 1 ½ decades for that realisation to sink in.
Part 2 will deal with some of the things that made me start to doubt.