The woman was on her deathbed. She was alone. She was painfully aware that her days were coming to a close and she was feeling so many conflicting emotions that she found herself wishing it would just hurry up and be over with. You see, she had been a Jehovah’s Witness for her entire life. She was two years old when her mother and father got baptized at the 1952 New York International Convention of Jehovah’s Witnesses. It was all she ever knew.
She was faithful to the letter adhering to all the doctrines and practices a "spiritually strong" witness should adhere to. Why, she even kicked her 18-year old son out of the house 20 years ago for having sex with his girlfriend and getting disfellowshipped for it and showing no remorse! Yes, she was faithful to the letter. His last face-to-face words to her were, "I love you, Mom, but I don’t want to be a witness anymore." He had called many times over the years, but she always asked him the same thing: "Son, are you going to return to Jehovah’s organization or not?" He always said the same thing: "No. I don’t believe the teachings, Mom. But, I do love you." She would always hang up thinking her harshness would wake him up and he would come running back with a newfound intention to return to Jehovah. He never did and the bonds between them deteriorated and eventually disintegrated. She heard through the grapevine that he had married the girl and they had had three children. Tears welled up in her eyes realizing that she had never even seen them much less held them.
Her husband had died six years ago when he refused a blood transfusion after a horrible car wreck. She felt an overwhelming sadness that he wasn’t by her side as the cancer was taking her life. How much stronger she would be with him holding her hand and telling her he would see her soon in the New System. But, now, all she could feel was loneliness and a gripping fear that maybe they had thrown away their lives for something man made. Her thoughts drifted to her daughters.
Jennifer and Tiffany were beautiful and smart. Tiffany was especially gifted with scholarly intelligence and had achieved the honor of Valedictorian of her high school graduating class. She was offered a scholarship and really wanted to go to college, but after a heated discussion with her parents, she settled for the full time pioneer work. A few short years later, after battling severe depression and anxiety, she committed suicide. The congregation would not even allow services to be held at the Kingdom Hall because of the manner of death.
Jennifer was tall and athletic and had wanted to participate in sports in school. She had begged to be allowed to join the Volleyball team, but, of course, with five meetings a week, personal Bible study, and door-to-door field service on the weekends, there wasn’t time. And besides, "bad associations spoil useful habits" and all worldly people are seeking to turn your heart and mind away from Jehovah anyway, right? She disassociated from the organization a few years after high school graduation, married a man from a large Catholic family and now seldom speaks to her mother. She had two boys, but they barely know their grandmother. After all, she never comes to their birthday parties or their Thanksgiving dinners or participates in the joy of gift giving and celebration at Christmas. Grandmother spends her weekends knocking on doors and going to meetings so she has no time for worldly grandchildren. The few conversations she had with them were difficult and strange because their bonds were weak and they had little in common. She can’t even remember the middle name of the first one.
She longed for her own sister, but she, too, had been disfellowshipped years ago when she divorced her elder husband because of his hidden physical abuse. She had eventually married a worldly man. She had always been close to her growing up, but now, she couldn’t be. She could only talk to her regarding family business and since their parents had both passed away, there was seldom any family business to discuss. It had been three years since she had even heard from her and she couldn’t bring herself to call her now when she most needed her. What had this religion done!? What if it has all been for naught! What if I have thrown away the greatest gift one can be given….family…for some religious group that some old men decided was Truth! Death, please come quickly and put me out of this misery.