How I managed to avoid Elders' wrath until now. Part 1...

by african GB Member 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • african GB Member
    african GB Member

    I am a 28 year-old male, and yes i am from Africa, South Africa to be precise.

    I was brought up in the 'truth', got baptised at 17 in 1998

    DF'd at 22 in 2003 for fornication.

    Reinstated at a different Cong. in 2007 for the sake of my relationship with my family, especially mom.

    After my reinstatement I was active in FS as well as attending meetings even though I could'nt comment. A few months down the line I found out about this forum while searching the net, I continued going to meetings and FS but as time went by I started feeling like it was'nt really that important to me. My eyes opened and I did'nt feel so guilty if I missed 1 meeting in a week.

    From December 2008 I stopped going door to door, but I continued putting bogus time slip through until May last year. I have'nt reported anything ever since. I still go to meetings even though I am not regular.

    The Elders have'nt spoken to me as yet about my semi-inactive state, and I know why...I am going to elaborate in the next paragraphs.

    I am an Auto Mechanic by trade, not surprising as born-ins are encouraged to rather get a trade than higher education. Ever since I was reinstated, my COBE has been asking me to work on his fleet of auto-mobiles on weekends, he has 4 cars. As to be expected, he only pays me about 30 % of the market price. Sometimes i don't even charge him a cent. Through out last year he has'nt said anything to me about my meeting attendance or FS time, and he keeps JW topics to a minimum everytime he talks to me, he rather talks to me about auto-mobiles.

    Last summer during our CO visit, Bro CO who was staying at Bro COBE's house had a breakdown. I had to tow his car and repair it for FREE, he only bought spare parts that were needed. It took me the whole 'special week' to fix the CO's car, so i had a valid reason not to attend FS that week, i also made sure i worked until late in order to miss the TMS/Biblestudy and Service meetings as well, the only meeting i attended was Sunday talk. I did'nt even sit through WT study and the last Co talk as i had to go finish up before he left for the next Cong.

    For this above-mentioned reasons i have managed to avoid the wrath of the Elders, and I am planning to move to another Cong. soon. I am now worrying about the type of reference I am likely to get from this BOE. Is it perhaps possible that I can negotiate it with my COBE? I think that's exactly what I am going to try and do. The reason why i still need good reference from them is because i am planning to get married in the Kingdom Hall before I fade out slowly.

    I will continue with my plan to get married in Part 2....

    AGBM

  • african GB Member
    african GB Member

    Excuse me for poor quality of my language/pronunciation/spelling....English is not my first language.

    Tnx

    AGBM

  • nugget
    nugget

    Does your future wife know about your views? It seems like a recipe for disaster to marry in knowing you have doubts. It's your life but if I was your fiance I would like to know what I was letting myself in for.

  • african GB Member
    african GB Member

    Yes, my fiance is aware, and she knows about this site as well although she is not a member she often comes here.

    The thing is if we don't get married in the KH where else would we go, we still want our family and loved ones who are in the truth to come to the wedding.

  • nugget
    nugget

    I see your dilema. What are your plans post wedding?

  • african GB Member
    african GB Member

    I am planning a slow-fade

    I'd obviously do it gradually you know, miss the meetings now and then, turn in less time.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    I don't know about South African culture, but generally- there is no negotiating with the elders for a good reference.

    But I would not worry about it. They write a letter that says you are "in good standing... but...."
    Typically, they won't deny you the Kingdom Hall in such a situation. But they might. Hard to say. If they deny the Kingdom Hall, just have the wedding at the same place as the reception and have a "brother" give the talk. Don't let these guys and their "privileges" hold onto you.

  • Farkel
    Farkel

    How can you get married in a KH if your fiance is not a Witness?

    Farkel

  • african GB Member
    african GB Member

    OTWO-thanks for your input, my concern is my mother has already told me that if the wedding is not at the KH, then she won't be attending.

    now i'm thinking what if they tell me i don't qualify for the KH, how long would it take me to reach that 'qualifying' standard?

    i plan to marry in November this year, do i still have enough time?

  • african GB Member
    african GB Member

    Farkel: my fiance is a baptised JW,...she is just 'not a member' of this forum(JWN)

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