by cantleave 33 Replies latest jw friends
Cantleave,
Many are in the same boat as you. I am 38, born in, and out 1 year.I feel very similar That's the great thing anout this forum. Sometimes the things we go through truly suck. But once we have time to reflect, it can really help a person grow. When the growth comes in the ability to break free from the bonds created by this religion, the end result is rewarding but the scaring never goes away.
All the best (or Good Luck) moving forward.
What struck me in all of this, is that elders, can storm out of an accusatory meeting and still have those that back him up.
I am so glad things worked out for you CAN't LEAVE, but I wonder how bad it would have been for that 15 year old. I am still hearing some pretty judgemental stuff from you. A 15 year old is a minor, and under no circumstances should face a JC. I am not saying "slime ball" wasn't being slimy but certainly he was protecting his family from a bunch of wolves. My father was also an elder, and my mom a pioneer, but I was not protected...., although others might have seen it differently.
"Mike was told by Lapdog there would be no investigation, there has been a confession and the result would probably be just restrictions (not quite the way things should be done). I wasn’t even allowed to put my hand up. The committee was chosen it comprised of Bro. Lapdog (chairman – best mate of slime ball), Bro. Really nice but dim (who always looks for the very best in absolutely everyone) and Bro. Remembers the days of the Congregation servant (who thinks Slime Ball is god’s spokesman for the congregation).
I couldn’t believe it, a hand picked Judicial Committee. I was livid....."
What were you livid about? That the 15 year old would not face a den of wolves asking about her night of passion? That she would not face a JC?
If a mere baptized publisher storms out of a JC meeting.....well we all know they don't get a second chance or get to argue their case.
Maybe things have changed, I don't know. As a 15/16 year old teenager I was being read horrible scriptures and horrible things were being repeated by the sick idiot that insisted I was to marry him. (On public reproof at the time unbeknown-st to me from a KH far away.) I dumped him and all hell broke loose.
I was not to be believed at that age, but my accuser was despite his standing and age of 23. I too, ran out of my first JC meeting...I could not/would not listen to the horrible accusations. Instantly, it was decided I should be DF'd......no questions asked, an unrepentant, dirty little girl. Elders daughter,....worse yet.
They couldn't wait to nail me to the wall.
r.
One the Watchtowers I read on the subject made it pretty clear that the great crowd had a relationship not with Jesus directly but by proxy through the FDS.
Compare their words to Paul's, in 1 Timothy 2:5-6
For there is only one God, and there is only one mediator between God and humanity, himself a human being, Christ Jesus, [6] who offered himself as a ransom for all. This was the witness given at the appropriate time.
Then compare your JC experience to 2 Timothy 2:24
and a servant of the Lord must not engage in quarrels, but must be kind to everyone, a good teacher and patient.
So, why would somebody like you leave the "Truth"? To follow the example and teachings of Jesus and the early Christians, that's why! Cantleave, you did the right and honorable thing by walking away from the organization. The new year is indeed a good chance to put the past behind us and move on to a better life.
All the best to you and to Nugget,
GLT
I have only read the first few lines so far but i must comment in that storming out is not always over the top, it was probably your safeguard to you not punching dickhead slimball in the head. I continue to read....
we must hav joined up about the same time, I have not been to a KH or had much contact with JWs for about 8-9 years, but in the back of my mind there was some thing telling me I should go back. Thank god I found this forum. That little thing in the back of my mind has totally gone.
Great that you were able to get out of the 'Hell Hole' that it is.
Kevin
What were you livid about? That the 15 year old would not face a den of wolves asking about her night of passion? That she would not face a JC?
Restrangled, you have to remember that my reaction was that of an elder with a cult mentality. The girl had deliberately commited a "sin". The idea of Judicial Committees is to maintain a high standard of moral cleanliness in the congregation. The process for dealing with type of situation is clearly laid down in the Elder Manual. As far as I was concerned there should no deviation from this procedure. If this was a 15 year old girl whose family were considered "spiritually weak" the JC would have been much tougher, there would have beed a thorough investigation. The leniency which was shown to her, was not because she was 15 year girl, but because she was the daughter of the COBE, it was that what made me livid. In reality I was more angry with the boyfriend, as he was a few years older and I knew he was a bit of a player, but I cannot comment on whether his JC was handled correctly because he was not in my congregation and I was not party to the process. Both of them got private reproofs.
What you correctly point out is their are double standards applied thtoughout the cult. What I am saying is these became obvious to me during this incident. I admit freely that I was responsible for helping to uphold the culture that allows these double standards and injustices, the point of this post is not to Justify myself, but to alert those who genuinely believe the organisation is directed by the HS, that it can not be.
In my previous posts I hoped to convey the guilt I have to go bed with every night because of some of the decisions I have made when I was an elder. I always tried my best to be balanced and caring, but the system is designed to prevent undue compassion. As leavingwt often says "cults shoot their wounded".
Can't Leave, Thank you so much for your honest reply.....I almost wonder if it was my JC you were involved with, it sounds so damnably familiar. Probably not, there was no "face book" in my day.
Again, thanks for your posts and understanding that I am a little hot under the collar about teenagers up for a hanging so to speak. Especially girls involved with older players from other kingdom halls.
My biggest fear is that the " player" in my situation, will some how find his way to this site. I hope I will recognize him instantly if it ever happens.
What a nightmare it is..... for all involved.
Best wishes....
r.
Find these posts really interesting. Please do not feel guilty over past decisions Cantleave as they were made with the best intentions. Unfortunately, when you 'break free' you look back and cannot believe how you could agree with such actions. We have all been there, and, yes you are right, everything you did was coming from the cult mentality. You are moving forward to a much better place, and I am sure the anger will lessen, but it is not easy. Peace and Love to you and your lovely wife and all the best for 2010.
Thanks for posting this and welcome to the land of Freedom.
thank you cantleave for your detailed record of leaving, thank you Restrangled for your honest comment, and again thank you cantleave for responding to that.
In reading this I kept thinking, "wow. So THAT's what was going through the elders' heads when they were condemning me." I found it disturbing that a brother who only saw the good in people was considered unfit for a judicial committee. Surely more compassion would be a good thing?
I was one of those not part of the "in crowd" and I did not have an elder father or even an elder relative who might have advocated for me. I always believed they were making a particular example of me, and the double standards were very apparent.
As you say, Restrangled, what a nightmare it is for all involved. I don't revisit the past often because it is still so very painful and I've worked hard to distance myself from it - that's probably why I don't come here regularly. It's surprising how much all that stuff can still hurt.
We can't change the past, cantleave, and it's clear you are doing everything you can to move away from that. Your posts here and your honesty regarding your mindset as a cult elder is going a long way towards helping those of us who have been abused at the hand of the elders to gain greater insight into the callous politics that are involved. I appreciate that.
