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I have been lurking here on and off for over 3 years but this is my first post. I have been helped by many of the experiences here so I reckon it's time I put my own up here and maybe help others.
I am a third gen. witness, my Grandfather fought in WW2, prayed to God to get him out alive and help to find the right religion when he got home. Lo and behold a short while after he returned the witnesses called. Both my Grandparents converted and the rest is history. My father was baptised at a young age but left for a while in his late teens (the first of many rebellious stages in his life!) During that time he met my Mother on a blind date and they were married and shortly after she was baptised. It caused a lot of upset in her family at the time.
My parents helped establish a cong and gradually it grew into a group with a lovely, close, family atmosphere. Dad was the only elder in the cong for a long time, often taking all parts of every meeting himself. We did not see much of him in our early childhood and I wonder how my mother managed at times. 1975 came and went and he began having doubts about the org. but kept these to himself. By the mid 80s he was burnt out and resigned as an elder. There were long stretches in our childhood when we didn't go to any meetings or go on the ministry. My father drifted back and forth over the next few years, trying to regain some zeal for it but never quite succeeding. He eventually faded away along with my brothers. Nothing much was done to help them return.
I was baptised at 16 fully convinced it was the truth and I enjoyed a few years of aux. pioneering and being at the centre of things in the cong. As I got older I began to see how things were not as rosy as they had seemed in our hall. There had always been things that I could not agree with, such as God only saving witnesses, but I knew that God had put his name on this org. and he would sort things out in his own time. Now though I began to question how loving these people really were. When my Grandmother died I did not attend meetings for a 6 month period and yet nobody tried to contact me. I reckoned it was up to me to make the effort and so I went back to the meetings, at first on my own, then with my mother.
I was soon at the heart of the cong again, but the nagging doubts grew louder and I began questioning more and more. One day I was in a book shop and was browsing when I came across a small book called 'The Joy of Sects'! I flicked through it and found the section on JW's. It contained info on the society's connection to the UN. It was the shock I needed to wake me up. I showed it to my friend who just shrugged it off but I needed to know if this was true. With my heart in my mouth I looked it up on the internet and was pointed to eWatchman's site. I eventually found my way here and then my eyes really were opened.
I kept going to meetings for another year or so, all the time learning more and more of the truth about the society. It became harder and harder to sit at a meeting listening to the what was being taught. During that last year I helped 3 people leave the org. for varying reasons (one wanted to marry outside the lord, one was gay and another had been on the fringes of the cong for many many years.) I endured the wrath of more than one of the brothers and sisters during that time but managed to stay out of trouble with the elders. At time I felt so guilty for helping them out while I remained, still unsure of what direction to take. Eventually though the final straw for me came when I was minding the mother of my closest friend after she had had a stroke. She basically told me that my father ( a man who she had never met) deserved to die at Armageddon as he did not come to meetings. Well, being somewhat proud of my daddy I saw red and gave her more than a piece of my mind! It destroyed my closest friendship immediately. I could not accept that God would destroy anyone based on their meeting attendance.
After that there was nothing to stay for, I started my fade and have been out for 2 years and I feel freedom like never before. I still live by the much of the moral code the Bible teaches and am grateful for it as it has made me the person I am today. I am now free to explore the Bible without the constraints of manmade doctrines, free to express my Christianity how I wish, it is more real, more satisfying than ever before. I miss my friends of course but I do not feel bitter because they ignore me, rather I feel sorry for them, they are blinded just like I was for all those years. My problem is with the Org. and how they manipulate the brothers, how they cultivate fear, how they use guilt rather than love to motivate, how they lied to us all and how those lies lead to suffering and in some cases, death. I have no wish to be part of any religion now or ever again, my faith is in Jesus and God.
I've tried to condense my story as much as possible, hope nobody nodded off! I still have many questions and issues to deal with and am looking forward to getting your advice and opinions . Fading is a lonely process at times so it is good to know there are people who are more than will to listen.
Warm love
Miss C
