Spectromize

waiting

When I've tried to post my incredibly long, hard, post on child molestation - I get friggin' error messages - I will try again.

I just did not want you to be honest and then think that I would not feel thanks. Thank you.

waiting

This is so weird to reply to my own post.

Spectromize, thanks for your openess. I have found, like you, that most people don't want to talk about these messy situations - which empowers the molesters. Remember that old saying about Satan? His greatest trick was getting people to believe he didn't exist, thus, he could do what he wanted without any interruption. It's not much different with molesters.

However, since I've been writting to you for over an hour now, totally in Computer Error Language, I will keep this post short. See next post.

Thank you for your kind words Waiting.

waiting

Wow, this is getting weirder all the time.
Second post to myself - keep it up and I'll reach 20 just talking to myself!

Back to seriousness. It's very lonely being one of Jehovah's Witnesses and having a unique perspective on life's dirty side. We don't talk openly, and rarely privately, we don't know who each other are. What a shame for us.

I do have a mental difference (as I choose to call it) left over from my childhood nightmare. I was quite insulted when an old elder said that it probably was a gift and saved my life. A child's mind has to be extremely flexible to sustain a mental image of a loving father (or other) and be agile enough to try to stay alive when he's not. All kinds of trade offs are arrived at - I'll get you boys for your enjoyment - you don't kill me. Okay, kill my dog, but let me live, I'll be quiet. A life such as that leaves marks on the mind. Hell, it leaves gashes in the mind.

But Jehovah made our minds and hearts strong - and thankfully he instilled it in us naturally. If he didn't, a lot more children would just die because they wanted to.

A quote I read from a therepist said: "Many persons with Multiple Personality Disorder, MPD, (now called Dissociative Identity Disorder, DID - NEW LIGHT just like the Society!!) lead ordinary lives as adults. They just lead uncomfortable, ordinary lives." I think that's a fair statement. As molested children, our minds will do whatever it takes to survive, even if it means contortions. As adults, some, probably most, of us adjust to living, just somewhat uncomfortably.

Stopping post to try to avoid error messages!

waiting

The final weird.

I've been reading a lot about our Society. And the comments have been made that there are probably reasons why some of us gravitate towards such a religious organization.

Myself? Like you, I was raised a Catholic. Like you, my mother worked. However, my father worked nights, so he babysat for his 3 kids during the day. Save money and all that. I was his favorite, and he was mine. Professionals write that if child abuse is suspected in a family - look to the child that is the suspected molester's favorite - that child is trying to placate the molester. And keep him happy so she can live another day.

When my mind started tumbling open with this gawd-awful scenes of perverted sex and death, well, those were hard years. My best advice to anyone, however, is NEVER GO TO A THEREPIST WHO IS THE SAME FRIGGIN' RELIGION YOU ARE!!! There are just too many boundries that get tied up together. As the old joke goes, "Remember, the court appointed physiatrist is NOT your friend." The person you expose your mind to is going to have quite a bit of power over you, depending upon your mental health. Sister Virginia........, who was of Ventura, CA,and then Boca Raton, FL, used her therepist and religious standing to try to totally control me. Cost me $15,000 in a few short months to break away from her. She had her own issues - and imposed them upon me. She was dead wrong.

After two years of no therepy and furious, I finally heard a lecture by a worldly therepist and made an appointment with her. What you would think would happen to old hippies when they become middle class is the best description of Jemmee Stewart of Columbia, SC. She was great. She did not judge me, did not condenscend to me, allowed me freedom of many thoughts and topics -and if I said I didn't want to talk about it, we didn't. It was lovely and I gladly paid someone to listen to me. We parted ways because she didn't feel I needed her anymore - my mind was able to comfort itself. No small feat, thank you.

Back to gravitating to this type of religious system. At 18, I found out that there was no Hell. JW's had my undivided attention, because the guilt in the back of my mind was tremendous and I KNEW I was going to Hell, I just didn't remember why.

I was also looking for new parents as I really didn't like mine. Go figure. The sister who studied with me was a fine, calm woman. She gave me emotional shelter.

Security and the strong, simply explained teachings from the Truth book versus the Sacred Mysteries of the Catholic Church. Not much contest there.

My father beat me ferociously for studying with the Witnesses. Don't get me wrong - he would have beat me for doing anything that wasn't his will.

Which brings me to my final point, perhaps I just traded one authoritarian family for another. After all, the Watchtower family is willing to stop my family and friends from ever talking to me again if I leave, and that would surely hurt.

Doesn't seem quite fair, does it?

spectromize

Dear Waiting,

Some of us have been short changed in life starting very young, but with a strong will and help from above, a person can snap back together and lead a productive life.

Seven

I too kept receiving error messages when attempting to reply to your post. It took great courage for you to share this nightmare in hopes that it would prevent another child from experiencing this terrifying ordeal. This is a topic that can NEVER be swept under the rug. Children need to be made feel that it's okay to "tell!"

A warm hug(((hug))) and a "sisterly" kiss on the cheek to you brother.

your friend,
7of9

Spectromize - reply to your new post

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